Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, see our mental health web guide which can point you to expert advice.

I was demoted today...

(13 Posts)
Ikeatears Fri 05-Feb-16 21:48:17

I've been back at work 3 weeks on a phased return after being off sick since September. Today I met with HR and the head and it was blatantly obvious I'm not coping. I'm actually carrying out my job fine but my mental health is suffering with the effort of it. The head brought up that they are about to advertise a job similar to one I'm doing but with less responsibility. It's basically my job but without all the most stressful elements taken out, leaving all the bits I really enjoy. She asked if I would prefer that role and I really, really would! I accepted that there would be a pay drop but when I went to see her later to confirm that I would like to change roles she said my pay would stay the same! I'll drop to a lower grade but higher up the scale of that grade so I would bring home the same money. I obviously won't have the same future earning potential but at this stage, I just want to be happy and feel comfortable and in a year or two, I may not even be in the same job anyway. The here and now is far more important.
I spoke to dh and initially, he said he felt sad for me that he felt sad that this illness seems to have stolen something else from me but after I told him how much happier I know I'll be in this role and we'd had a good talk (and if had a good cry) he gave me a big hug and he said, "we'll get there, we just have to realign some things along the way to help you."
I'm sad today because I do feel I've lost my confidence and part of 'me' but I don't see this as a back-step, I see it as a positive way forward to quietly building myself back up as I know in my new role I can actually make a difference but without a lot of the stress and pressure. I actually feel very lucky that work have been incredibly supportive all the way through.
Even after the head had mentioned the other role she said, "I'm not an expert in mental health but please tell us, is there anything we can do to help you?" And when I went back to see her she said something along the lines of "you'll get there, we'll help you through and you'll be ok."
Sometimes, just basic human kindness means such a lot.

captaincake Sat 06-Feb-16 07:36:02

I don't see that as you losing confidence i see that as being so confident in knowing and doing what is right for you. Your employer sounds lovely smile

PotteringAlong Sat 06-Feb-16 07:39:17

I think that sounds like an awesome step forward smile

hesterton Sat 06-Feb-16 07:40:22

What an awesome workplace. They must value you so much - you should be proud; you're an inspiration. The strategic step down can be a lifesaver. I've done it and haven't looked back. Life is so much more than career progression.

Shannaratiger Sat 06-Feb-16 07:41:18

I would see this as a positive. Your employer obviously values you, can see you're struggling so has changed your role so you don't go off sick again. Be happy that you have such a lovely boss.
flowers hope your head stays straight.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon Sat 06-Feb-16 07:55:06

Your head sounds like they really value you and that they're being very supportive. It sounds like a good step for you.

Helenluvsrob Sat 06-Feb-16 07:55:22

Fabulous employer. They know you will get better - even if you can't see it now. They are doing this to aid your recovery and keep you in post - they don't want you leaving etc do they. I'm sure when you are better another opportunity to take on more responsibility will come up.

confusedandemployed Sat 06-Feb-16 08:01:31

I think this is a brilliant post. What fantastic employers and congratulations to you recognising what you need to get better.

Good luck in your new role.

Muddlewitch Sat 06-Feb-16 08:02:27

Agree this shows just how much they value you and want to keep you.
It does get better op, you will get better. Hopefully this is a good step in your recovery, I really think you should take is a sign of their belief in you.

Footle Sat 06-Feb-16 08:18:54

Great post , brilliant employer who values you.

Ikeatears Sat 06-Feb-16 09:27:39

Thanks everyone. I'm a bit overwhelmed by people's responses. I expected at least one or two to say I should wait to make the decision or that they're trying to force me out. It honestly didn't feel like that though.
I am good at my job, I know I am but I've lost my love for it. I've lost my love for everything if I'm honest.
My head said she already knew I was struggling because I seemed to have lost my 'bounce and sparkle'. I know the phrase is a bit cringy but she's so right - I have but I thought I was hiding it well.
It also do a hobby which I had recently started back at but it is competition season which involves very regular rehearsal attendance and extra commitment (a couple of weekends away etc) and I've had to tell them that I just can't do it. I'm not ready. They were so lovely and have said to come to rehearsal whenever I feel like it with no pressure. I still feel very sad about it though.
I'm trying to find a balance between what I want to do, what I need to do and what I should do. I'm trying to still push myself but without some of the stressors.
I'm so tired of trying though. I really hope things feel better soon.

Ikeatears Sat 06-Feb-16 23:48:51

Must be a week for facing things head on for me. I've been honest with family and friends today that I'm struggling...really struggling. I'm having to reassess who I am and how my long road to recovery is going. It's not taking the smooth path I thought it would. I know I'm slipping back and that's scary but I still have perspective, where at my worst I lose that. I am still battling and fighting with myself every day and I'm so so tired but I'm not out and I'm not done. I'm just terrified of getting to the place where I will be

Footle Sun 07-Feb-16 03:20:06

You're talking in RL to the people who matter, and they are supporting you, not disappointed in you. That's a huge step and a great response.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now