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Mental health

How to help? Much needed advice please

7 replies

greatscott81 · 01/02/2016 21:26

My darling boyfriend told me a month ago that he was suffering with depression. He shut himself away & I have seen him twice but hear very little from him. For background, we haven't been together very long but have known each other for 30 years (he was my primary school boyfriend). He lost his father when he was young & then also survived the same cancer which took his dad. He is going through a divorce & has a stressfuljob so there are lots of triggers. I know that he is signed off work & is scared to go back. I am desperate for advice about how to help him - I have taken food packages to him & I send him regular messages asking how he is. Yesterday's message is the first to which I haven't hAd a response (he hasn't even read it). He is, without doubt one of the loveliest people I have ever known & I am heartbroken that he is suffering but I genuinely don't know what to do to support him - leave him alone or continue dropping food parcels & friendly messages? To clarify - none of the messages have asked anything of him. Thanks in advance for any advice xx

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Sadmum19 · 01/02/2016 21:42

Just a bit concerned that he hasn't read your message... Not wishing to alarm you but are you confident he is safe?

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greatscott81 · 01/02/2016 21:49

Yes - I've seen he's been on Facebook (not posting) so definitely safe. Thank you for replying x

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Sadmum19 · 01/02/2016 22:11

Difficult to know what to do for the best. If he doesn't communicate with you, you can't know how to help him. You can't indefinitely drop food parcels and send friendly messages to him. All you can do I think is try to get him to open up to you and find the balance between him knowing you are there and not overwhelming him. You need to look after yourself here too as he's got lots going on by the sounds of it. Sorry - not much help. Communication is paramount.

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greatscott81 · 01/02/2016 22:18

Thank you. It's been massively stressful & upsetting but I do want to support him & I'm worried. I have no real experience of depression so am a bit lost x

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Sadmum19 · 01/02/2016 22:35

Maybe try some mental health charities to get some advice. Hope he's getting the help and support he needs from professionals.

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NanaNina · 02/02/2016 00:01

Does your boyfriend live alone? Do you know if he's getting help from the GP - medication or counselling, although there's often a waiting list and men don't seem to take to it very much. How long is it since you've seen him? Depression is an absolute torment and it sucks the life out of you, and it does tend to make us withdraw, but it's not good if he's not seeing anyone. Have you suggested a short visit. I think sadmum has good advice.

You could look on the MIND website for info.

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greatscott81 · 02/02/2016 07:34

Thank you for the advice. I will ring Mind this morning. Yes, he does live alone & started a course of sertoline about 2 weeks ago. He's also on the wait list for therapy. I've been batch cooking him more food which I hope helps - it's the only way I can think of to help