I'm struggling again and I'm so fed up of it

[MummySparkle]

It's me again, and the title says it all really

I was in hospital in October, had my medication changed and things were looking so much brighter. I was really well for a good month or so, felt like the old me again (from before my PND exacerbated all of my underlying MH conditions) and life was just great.

But this week that has faded. I feel like the I'll me again. I'm constantly exhausted, and I just CBA to do anything. I'm snappy with everyone and I just feel crap. I want to hide away from everything.

I've gone 6 weeks without harming, but the thoughts are still there and they are getting stronger again.

The DCs were ill last week and waking up in the night lots. They're much better now, but DS still wakes up at least twice a night. I'm getting enough sleep each night, but I'm constantly being disrupted out of my sleep cycle by having to go and settle DS.

The house is a state because I haven't felt up to sorting it, DP and I are argueing because of the mess.

And Christmas is coming, we can't afford it so I'm making presents for everybody, but I'm running out of time. I started at the end of October and I'm only halfway through. Life just feels like it is full of stress at the moment

[dontrunwithscissors]

MS, I'm afraid I don't have any wise words, but can sympathise. My mood has dropped over the last few days....it seems so cruel that the illness gives you a taste of 'life' and then drags you back down again. When I'm well, I can't imagine being depressed again. It seems like a different world. When I'm depressed, I can't imagine being 'me' again. It's a fucker.

[dontrunwithscissors]

Sorry if that message was all about 'me.' Just trying to say I understand completely why you're feeling the way you are. It's a lot of stress on top of feeling low.

[MummySparkle]

Thank you for your reply don't run. And your post didn't come across as being all about you, it seems that is the way for most of us. How are you doing now lovely? I haven't been following th MH board much recently

DS has woken up twice already and I'm not even in bed yet... Not holding out much hope for decent sleep tonight. With lost ps encouragement and help from DP I managed to get the kitchen sorted do at least that's something.

I have an appointment with my CPN on Wednesday. A lot has happened since j last saw her. Had my occy health meeting which I was petrified about because my previous one was a disaster. Thankfully I saw a lovely and very understanding g doctor this time and it was all fine. I've also been diagnosed with Aspergers, something that I've been waiting for for a long time. It potentially opens up some other treatment avenues for me. I was doing so well last time I saw her, but I feel like I've slipped back such a long way. My medication might still need a bit of tweaking. Hopefully CPN will be able to talk to the psych team doctor about it and get back to me.

[dontrunwithscissors]

Best of luck for Wednesday. I hope your CPN can help. It sounds positive news that you've had the Asperger's diagnosis confirmed. My sympathies on being woken up so much. Even if you manage to get a decent amount of sleep, those disturbances are draining.

As per the crisis team's request, I've just phoned my CPN to let her know I'm struggling again. I'm waiting for her to call back. I'm undecided as to whether I need the CT to continue. Sometimes it can feel intrusive and is a big reminder that I'm in a bad way again. I think there are points where it's better for me to distract myself from how I'm feeling and that's difficult when you've got 2 nurses turning up at your house for an hour each day.