Drowning again - but dont want to go on meds again.

[mulranna]

I have a 4 major depressive episodes in the last 14 years - wrecked my life (job, family, relationships, health) - been on every med going. Finally got free of meds at the end of last year - and decided that I would not go back on thm ever again.

But over the last 2 months I have the creeping depression sensations back again - I want to fight it - how do i do it ? i dont want to go on meds again.

I have been in denial for past 2 months - believing it was just a dip - it will pass - so did a google to see if i could self diagnose - i read this can relate to everything....when will it ever end?

www.time-to-change.org.uk/blog/sometimes-think-im-not-depressed-just-lazy

[hefzi]

Why is it you don't want to go back on the meds, mulranna?

If you aren't yet down there, you can try some of the other things that can help - eating good, fresh food, getting plenty of exercise, sunlight and fresh air etc - but if you are already depressed, that might not be enough: or you might not be physically and mentally able.

If you don't like the side effects, are the results enough to make it worthwhile?

How did your previous bouts of depression resolve themselves?

Have you tried counselling at all?

[GourmetGold]

You could give this book a go:-

www.amazon.co.uk/Mood-Cure-Julia-Ross/dp/0007323697/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1446655905&sr=8-1&keywords=the%20mood%20cure&tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

I've been following the advice in this book for a week now and feel great.
I didn't realise that what I've been eating for years has been affecting my mental health for years, within 10 minutes of taking the amino acid supplements she recommends in the book (you do some questionnaires to work out what you need) I felt fantastic.
I no longer crave chocolate and have stopped comfort eating. I feel so positive and want to get on with things instead of procrastinating all the time.
Turns out most of us aren't eating enough protein and fat in out diet (and the wrong fats)...this is what our brains really need, so we have all the neurotransmitters we need to function properly.

[mulranna]

i think that I dont want to give in/admit defeat and yes the SE are an issue - and then the slow withdrawal - trying to get off venlafaxine took forever and I still get the brain zaps occassionally 2 years later. My diet is poor - too much sugar and processed food - hardly any fruit and veg - I walk the dog twice a day for 40 minutes each time which lefts my mood briefly but is not real exercise. I also dont want to go back to my GP again as I feel like a relapsing failure. I am tearful and over reacting - in blind panic a lot of the time - although there is issue to be panicked about. They eased up over time 96-12 months) - but each bout has got worse - last time i finally saw a pyschiatrist who put me on a combination of quetiapine, mertazapine and venlafaxine.

that felt really heavy drug wise but I was in a bad state - i dont want to go back to that level of meds. I am terrified that i will plummet that low again.

[hefzi]

Gourmet I've used the Mood Cure, and I found it brilliant - it made a real difference in a short time: I'd love to go to the clinic itself...

mulranna I'm not preaching, and I know it's really hard, especially when you're feeling bad, but I find that food really affects my mood: things get appreciably worse for me if I'm not eating enough fresh stuff (plus I am a binge-eater at times, which is much, much easier if there's sugar and processed food about). But I do think you need to go back to your GP - you're not a "relapsing failure" - but perhaps you have "recurring depressive disorder"? Those are hefty amounts of drugs you were on before, but this time, perhaps if they start you off on a low dose of something, it will help you get better - it sounds like you were in a total crisis before, and when things are really, really bad, sometimes loads of drugs is the best way to get healed. I honestly, honestly think it's worth going to your GP - they won't even necessarily refer you back to a psych at this stage, in all honesty (unless you want them to): it sounds like your anxiety is through the roof, and if you're weepy, that's also a sign you're depressed, as you know. Preventative and timely action now might help stave off the worst - kind of like if you go to the doctor when you have a chest infection now, you won't end up in hospital with pneumonia? (Personal example: long story!)

Also, how about counselling and CBT? Especially if there is a "reason", counselling can be extremely useful, and CBT can be great for dealing with your reactions etc

You deserve to be well, and I really think you should consider at least the medical option. I completely understand about the fear of "going back" - but I think if things aren't improving, it's worth getting help now in the hope that you never end up as bad again.

[mulranna]

hefzi - I know you are right - that is a good way of looking at it - preventative.

Yes the last episode was horrific - my GP was astonished that the psych did not hospitalise me at that time -- it was way way worse than any of the previous episodes - there were very difficult circumstances at the time - which are now resolved - so maybe I don't need to fear dropping so badly again. I will buy the book and see how that helps over the coming days - and put in an apt with GP if I need it next week.

Thanks all - for the push

[Orangeanddemons]

I've had several bad episodes, and would give my right arm to be free of medication. But, I take a maintenance dose all the time now. I hate them, but I don't ever wan to go into that deep black hole again. So I take them to ensure I don't. Hobson's choice really.