I'm drowning

[CastielsClevererBetterSister]

I have too much going on and i just have had enough of it. I am a SAHM
I have friends with depression who are leaning on me for support.
I have a child with ASD who I struggle to understand but do my best with. My DH struggles with the behaviours and I have to act as referee between them. He is not a bad father he just struggles and I feel as though I am telling what to do all the time and making him feel as though he is incompetent. I am not wonderful and the four of them, DC and he, drive me to distraction. I get so no body does anything, I do everything (it feels like). DH goes out to work I know that and I do the housework, childcare, cooking and DIY.
I have a friend who has a rough time with a new baby and no family support so she is looking for support which i'm trying to give.
I also have a family member who is struggling with her partner. They offload onto me too.
I am overweight and unfit and need to so something about it but i just feel so bogged down with life that I can't move. I mean literally. Today I have managed to make ot to the sofa with a hot water bottle for horrible period pain and i have barely moved except to make food for the 3 DCs and to make myself one cup of tea. I made myself two slices of toast but the kids wanted them so they had 3/4 and I had half a slice.
I have a horrible situation that is also hanging over my head that cannot be resolved to anyone's satisfaction between my DH and I to do with my StepD. I cannot go into it as it is far too painful. but I am torn between wanting to do something and doing what is best.
I am sorry for posting here this is so trivial and I am so self pitying. I hate myself. I did have a history of self harm but even that is only superficial. Just enough to make me bleed freely. I can blame the cat then.
I wish I could just go to sleep and never wake up. But the children wouldn't be looked after and it would be too painful for them to deal with their mother abandoning them. I will not do anything drastic but I feel as though I am drowning in a sea of self pity.
Sorry this is so long and so self involved.

[LastingLight]

You are not drowning in a sea of self pity Castiels and it's not trivial. You have a great many issues to deal with and it's no wonder you're feeling tired and down. Is there anybody who can look after the DC's for a bit so that you can get some time to yourself? Could you and DH see some professional about your DC with ASD so that you can come up with a parenting plan that works for everybody? You can't be all things for everybody and it might be necessary for you to take a step back from all these people who are leaning on you. You know how in an aeroplane they always tell you that if the oxygen masks drop you must put on your own first and then help other people? You need to look after yourself otherwise you won't have anything left to give to others. Sorry I don't have better advice, just wanted to give you a hand to hold.

[CastielsClevererBetterSister]

Thank you. It's just all too much at the moment. I was trying to be a good friend to people but nobody listens to my problems. Go's that sounds so whiny and self absorbed. Suck it up Cas.

[LastingLight]

No it doesn't sound whiny and self absorbed. It sounds like someone who has given too much of herself and not had the opportunity to recharge her batteries. Take care.