What is BPD? How was you or would you get diagnosed?

[GreatlyTroubled]

Wonder if any of you could share your knowledge / experiences.
I think I have this

[gamerchick]

What makes you think you have it?

[GreatlyTroubled]

I get extremely attached to people extremely early in relationships (friends, etc). I swing from idolising them to extreme hate over something trivial like they didn't call when they said they would.
I have a poor sense of self, I pick up new hobbies regularly and with each new hobby I take, my identity seems to shift and because of this I don't know who I am and I Never have.
I am not in control of my emotions and mood at times.
Sometimes something so small can make feel so bad and I lose all perspective and 'make a mountain out of a molehill'.
When someone does something wrong to me, no matter how small, the hate/anger becomes so big that everything else loses importance and it becomes all consuming and I don't know how to shake it off, can sometimes last for days/weeks/months.
I fear abandonment, rejection, criticism to the point where I go to extreme measures to protect myself from these things happening to me.
Feeling this way can utterly destroy me for a very long time.
I have very low self worth and I experience extreme emptiness.
I suffer with depression and anxiety.
I struggle to understand people, society and the world we live in. I feel like sometimes I'm an alien and I don't belong here.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere. I could go on but I'm struggling to think right now of everything.

[GreatlyTroubled]

Oh also i cannot maintain friendships, I have no friends at the Moment because of this.

[gamerchick]

I'm so sorry man you poor thing

Have you tried your gp and asked to be seen by the mental health team? I'm not sure where to start off your own belt as the only experience I've known is after hospital admissions.

What's your working and home life like.. Can you hold down a job/keep a house?

[GreatlyTroubled]

I have been through cbt and had counselling in past but all to help me with how I felt at time. Had severe ocd at one point. I went to GP today actually and have been referred.
I felt like this my whole life, I have a partner and a young child and I have a job which I struggle with at the moment due to a colleague I can't stand to be around.

[GreatlyTroubled]

Also thank you Gamerchick for replying. Do you have BPD or know anything about it?

[lampshady]

It's manageable if you forgive yourself. I was diagnosed at 16 and frankly, have fucked absolutely everything up in my adult life. I desperately want to be loved and can become very clingy and paranoid.

I manage to hold down a demanding job and run a house. Was a single parent for four years but have just moved in with my partner. I don't cope with stress at all so have steadily downgraded my expectations of what I can achieve and have undertaken parenting courses to help me not be a twat to my son

Try to think about what triggers you and learn ways to cope or manage them. I avoid as much as possible while stretching myself enough to feel fulfilled.

I can maintain friendships but this is my first longterm relationship. I will never bring another child into this world due to BPD/EUPD as it wouldn't be fair on the child due to how I am.

Oh, I was diagnosed after my sister's suicide and was under section for two years from 16-18. I've had multiple hospital admissions since then.

[exWifebeginsat40]

I'm 42 and I got my diagnosis this year when I spotted it in my notes.

one of the worst things for me about BPD is the hatred of people with it. I know I'm unstable, heavily medicated and can be difficult but I don't do any of it on purpose.

my BPD was caused by neglect and abuse in my childhood. my symptoms have included an eating disorder, alcoholism, suicidal depression and self injury.

I find things hard, day to day. anyone telling others to 'run like hell' from potential partners with BPD (which I have seen more than once on MN) - do you think i asked for this? do you think any of us did? it's not shorthand for bad behaviour. it's a debilitating mental illness.

[lampshady]

Couldn't agree more exwife. If do anything not to behave how I do sometimes. My brain doesn't work. I never learnt how to behave or react normally.

[lampshady]

*I'd do

[mrssmith79]

Hi OP, I'm a mental health nurse, feel free to throw any questions my way and I'll do my best to help.

If you're looking for a resource for info on bpd (we call it EUPD) try the MIND fact sheets, really in depth without being over complicated. Get a referral to mh services for assessment and diagnosis - there aren't any specific medications indicated for bpd but being ' in the system' opens the door to really effective treatments such as DBT.

[lampshady]

Mrssmith, I'd like to know what mental health professionals really think of us. We tend to shout the loudest so imagine we detract from other mental illnesses that aren't personality disorders. Are we time wasters?

[GreatlyTroubled]

Thanks for replying, I've read a lot on the Internet and also the Mind website which helped, I've kind of self diagnosed but I want to see someone to diagnose properly If it's right. What you've said helps me feel even more sure I have this. Thank you mrssmith, I feel too tired to ask anymore now but could you tell me what dbt is please? I had a really bad experience with Prozac 10 years ago and will not take meds since that, I have managed so far but I'm willing to try any non medication treatments/therapy

[exWifebeginsat40]

I can't even get an assessment. I live in an area where the mental health trust is in special measures. there is no therapy. there is no money. and nobody likes a person with BPD. I was with the CMHT for 18 months after a breakdown and got discharged with no further support. so I take my meds and I try to stay alive.

I go to a support group every week run by MIND. there is room in the group for 15 people. there are 43 people on the waiting list.

it's not a fun life, by any stretch of the imagination...

[GreatlyTroubled]

Sorry to hear that exwifebegins, o knew mental health services was like a postcode lottery but didn't realise that some parts of UK don't even get help. I'm going to go on a waiting list and will start with a 20 min phone assessment apparently

[mrssmith79]

DBT is short for Dialectical Behavioural therapy. It's about learning a set of skills that (in theory) will help to make everyday life more manageable. There are modules including mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation. It's about helping to adapt your mindset and emotional resilience whilst exploring and reflecting continuously on things like disproportionate responses to events and situations. Have a Google.

There are other therapies such as Mentalization but different Trusts offer different things. Some may offer full DBT, others just a group skills course but you need to make that first step...

[mrssmith79]

lampshade sorry, just noticed your question. I don't want to detract from the OP - many moons ago I actually did my dissertation on bpd and challenges to clinicians...it's actually an area I'm looking to specialise in post-grad (if any funding ever magically appears). Rest assured though, I certainly don't view my PD clients as time wasters.

[frikadela01]

Completely agree mrssmith I'm also an RMN and none of my clients with PD are time wasters. Many have been let down by the system however in our discussion about this I always think it's important to help my clients understand that most mental health services are not set up to meet the needs of people with PD and that this is a failing of the system and not a problem with the clent.