Unsure what to say to GP and scared

[BeetlebumShesAGun]

Hi,

I have realised that I need to speak to someone about my mental health, and DH has been very supportive. He has anxiety and depression so he is very understanding, but has said I need to speak to someone and get help.

I am always angry. The slightest thing can tip me over the edge, my jaw aches from gritting my teeth all the time. I am so impatient when anyone speaks to me I tend to just interrupt them as in my head I am screaming "I cannot listen to you for one more second". My mind is constantly racing, and I feel as if I hate everyone.

On the other hand, I feel like everything I do is worthless. Sitting in my house angers me as it looks shit and not like any of my friends or family's. I constantly imagine people I know having conversations about how I can't do anything right - even today when I was hanging out washing I was thinking "I am probably doing this wrong". I have had suicidal thoughts and i feel as if I am going mad.

I have a GP appointment but I'm scared if I tell her how angry I am then she will inform someone my DD is in danger. She isn't but I just can't think straight.

If you have read this far, thank you.

[heyday]

Well if you have this level of anger then it will impact on your daughter as it must be affecting many areas of your life and therefore hers too. I think you need a general chat with your doctor about the various ways your mental health is affecting your life. Your DD has two patents with mental health issues and that can make her life quite difficult. I hope you get some medication / therapy sorted out quickly for all your sakes.

[BeetlebumShesAGun]

Thank you for replying heyday, but you haven't exactly put my mind at rest and I resent the implication my daughter's life is "difficult" because her parents have mental health issues. DD is 17 months and a very happy little girl. DH is on medication and is very stable.

So basically what you are saying is I should be worried and that my little girl is affected. I think I won't bother going now, if the GP's reaction is anything like yours then it won't help anyway.

[Shadow1986]

I recently went to GP for same kind if reasons...I didn't know what to say either.

I basically said I had a problem, but not a physical problem..more like I haven't been feeling myself recently....

This then lead the GP to probe and ask me questions which was easier.

I also wrote down some off symptoms like...anger, lack of concentration, fatigue etc.

Good luck. It's hard to talk about but feels like a weight lifted afterwards. I think mine might have started as PND and my children are now 3 so I've been bottling it up for a long time.

[brightandshiney]

I went to my Dr this year as things were getting on top of me. I was so nervous going in and burst into tears as soon as I went to open my mouth!

Dr was so helpful and understanding. I'm so glad I asked for help!

Writing a list to take in with you is a good idea.

I hope you go ahead with your appointment. Good luck ??

[NotAJammyDodger]

Hi Bettle I too was very angry. I remember my mother over in our kitchen and she was chattiing. I just wanted her to shut up so badly I was shaking with rage (can't even remember what she was talking about, but was nothing offensive). I wanted to hit her to get her to stop talking. Usually, I am a calm person and quite relaxed. (I use the M25 every day and don't even get road rage!)

I also was constantly grinding my teeth during my sleep so much I had constant earache. I was in a rage at everyone and everything - my car, people in the way at the supermarket, my DH etc. Nothing in the world was right.

I did see my GP and was diagnosed with depression. I found the AD meds worked well and amongst other things, my rage lifted very quickly, and felt a lot calmer. When I get low again I notice that one of the first things to go it my patience.

Do go see your GP, they can help. You aren't alone with the way you feel and they will have 'seen it all before', so don't feel worried about discussing how you feel with them.

[MilesHuntsWig]

Ignore unhelpful advice upthread, every GP I've seen about my depression (some of which manifests as anger issues) has been helpful and sympathetic, probably because they are suitably qualified to offer advice and not an ignorant rentagob.

Try to write a few bullet points down about what you're concerned about, start with those and see how the discussion goes from there.

FWIW my DH and I are both depressives being treated successfully with ADs, both have high pressure jobs requiring challenging qualifications and have a beautiful DD who's a very happy little girl.

[BeetlebumShesAGun]

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I am going to go. Will keep you updated.

[windchimes23]

I am bipolar, OCD and have PTSD. Not one doctor or Psychatrist has ever questioned my ability to parent my two toddlers. They have been sympathetic, understanding and even given a hand hold or a shoulder to cry on.

The anger can be addressed through meds and counselling (your choice). I'm a massive fan of Mindfulness despite thinking it would be a huge crock of poo at first. It works for me, I can focus in the moment now and decrease the bigger angry feelings.

Seek help, good luck xx

[MilesHuntsWig]

Go forgot Beetlebum and have my first for luck!

[MilesHuntsWig]

"Go for it" not "go forgot", grrrrrr fat fingers!

[gemsio]

Do please go, the doctor will not judge you, the fact that you are seeing the GP shows them that you are aware the way you are feeling isn't right.
I bet you will feel ten times better having just spoken to them.
I agree mindfullness is brill, I too thought it was just a load of happy clappy rubbish, but it really is good. I have a terrible temper and have found it helps me calm down when I need too. There is a good app, that has mindfullness exercises you can practice.
I have MH issues and both of my children are very happy little people, so this needn't affect your DD, you just need to get help so you feel well for you.

[Lahottiereturns]

Heyday, I would suggest that your lack of emotional intelligence would be a far greater risk to a child's wellbeing than what the OP (who was looking for help) describes.

Beetle, in my experience most parents with MH issues are true experts in hiding even the slightest problem to their children. You are very self aware and articulate at describing your current problem. This will help a great deal.

You absolutely need to take care of yourself right now, and going to the GP and being honest is your starting point. I have seen many Mumsnetters describe the same worry about MH problems and their kids, and I always like to read how many mothers respond as many above have: never has a risk to the children been suggested as a result. You just need to get better!

Good luck, and please do let us know how your first step to recovery goes so we can offer more encouragement.

[BeetlebumShesAGun]

Thanks everyone :-) I have an appointment next week with the GP, and I am going to write down basically my OP and take it in with me.
We actually have a Mindfulness room and teacher at work and a lot of people in my team use it, so I will venture in this week and have a chat also. I'm quite "hippy dippy" so it had appealed to me before

[Flingingmelon]

Not much to add Beetle, just good luck.

When I saw my GP recently for A&D issues he never even asked about any MH issue DH may or may not have had. I'd not give that aspect of your appointment any more thought. Easier said than done I know.

[Shadow1986]

Well done for booking appt OP. Just so you're prepared about what may happen at your appt - during my appt the doctor was very sympathetic and said she thought I had symptoms of depression and anxiety. She them asked where I wanted to go from here - did I want to try medication, or maybe counselling, and she also told me about mindfulness.

I opted for medicine as counselling was going to be a long wait and also said that I didn't really feel like talking, or have anything to talk about as there wasn't really a reason I was feeling like this, I just do. She prescribed citalopram, which I have in low dose of 10mg. But I haven't noticed huge improvement so at my next appt I'm going to go slightly higher if she allows. Just be prepared it's not an easy fix but the first appt is a great first step to getting this sorted. Good luck.

[BeetlebumShesAGun]

Hi everyone, I am just back from my appointment. I feel a bit odd. You were spot on Shadow in that he asked me what I wanted to do about it. He was very calm and nice but I felt like he either didn't believe me or thought I was just angling for pills. He asked all the right questions but the appointment didn't last longer than 5 minutes. I have a prescription for Sertraline and a number to call - "Let's Talk Wellbeing"? for CBT. I am going to call and hope I can get some.

Part of me thinks "pull yourself together you fool, you wanted help and now you have it," I don't know what I expected really- he seemed to definitely agree that I am not well - as I was honest about the suicide and self harm questions, he just didn't seem overly concerned.

Thank you for all your support

[BeetlebumShesAGun]

Just remembered another thing. He asked if there had been anything bad happen recently and as there hasn't he seemed a bit nonplussed. That makes 2 of us! I explained that I think I might be getting obsessive about what people think about me and being "perfect" at everything and perhaps that it was that which was driving my stress and worry, and he just sort of shrugged. Is that more something I would discuss with the therapist?

[Lovewearingjeans]

If you can afford it, go to a private therapist. I have depression and anxiety, and it has helped so much. She explains to me why I feel the way I do, and react to people and situations, and helps sort out my head for me when I am feeling irrational. Sometimes it is literally 'the straw that broke the camels back' that triggers these things.