I remember when I was a child, imagining me opening a car door when the car was at speed and throwing myself out, just to see what would happen.
As a teenager I would fantasise being a homeless in the streets, just to see what would happen.
Now as an adult sometimes I imagine what would happen if someone pushed me or my daughter on the tube/train line? What would happen if a car loses control and run me or my child over on the pavement?
Sometimes I am the one (in my imagination) who is causing these 'incidents' however I am struggling to recall one example right now.
I also seem to be obsessed with my husband dyeing. Very often, I think about becoming a widow, I always think what if he never comes back from work...
But I am pretty sure I would never do anything to cause anyone any harm.
I would describe myself as a quiet person, I am not terribly outgoing and I know I have some low self esteem issues (always had for as long as I can remember), but I manage to work, have some friends etc.
I never was diagnosed with depression or anything even though I have been true some serious shit in my life.
My life coping mechanism is a bit of religion, asterism, self help and unrealistic optimistic hope for the future, since I am not very pratical at all.
I don't know if there is any relation but my dad is bipolar and is now under control and my sister has been through depression treatment but is getting better now.
I am just asking here because I really hate when I have these thoughts and it makes me not enjoy being myself at all when it happens, even though overall I am a rather content person..
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Mental health
This isn't that bad, right?
7 replies
SweetSkull · 21/10/2013 00:38
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