I WANNA END IT ALL NOW!!

[amy2811]

I need some help me and my husband have seperated this week and I am a mess. I am breaking down in tears every 2minutes and my dd who is 2 1/2 is really feeling the impact of it. She is bawling her eyes out with me everytime I am. I am a walking distaster at the moment. Everyone is telling me to put my dd first but I am finding it so difficult. I want my husband back so much and its killing me. The hardest thing is I cant stop thinking about him meeting someone else and being with her and that is ripping me apart. I have got to go to the drs on Tuesday for anti-depressants and sleeping pills because I am just not coping. How can I get over this and stop the pain? How can I accept this and move on! I have even thought about putting myself out of this misery for good but I dont know what is stopping me and the worst thing is I dont think its my dd! That make me a terrible mother I know but I cant help it! PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE!!

[cheekysmum]

I think it's a terrible thing for you to have to cope with when you haven't got children. But sometimes i think it makes it harder when you have them. If you were on your own you'd have no-one else to worry about & could curl up in a ball & feel sorry for yourself. I've been on anti-depressants twice & have stood on the edge of a train station platform wanting to end it all. Believe me from the bottom of my heart it does get better. I know it sounds corny but it is true that time is a great healer. I think discussing things with your doctor is a good start. One man is not the be all & end all to your life, if you can't reconcile, there will be someone else out there for you in the future honestly. I've been there & it's not easy but get some help & keep talking to people & ask for help if you can't cope. Good luck x

[colditz]

You need to ring the samaritans, or you need to ring your mum and get her to be with you. Please get some help. Mumsnet is a great support network, but sometimes we need practical help.

If you really think you are going to hurt yourself or your daughter, ring an ambulance.

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

amy - cheekysmum is right - it does get better - you won;t believe it now but it does. My mum had a total breakdown when my dad left. she weighed about 6 stone, she never got out of bed, she was on anti-depressants and sleeping tablets. she was an absolute wreck. but bit by bit we rebuilt our lives and my mum is happy, independent and incredibly contented (dad isn;t but that's kind of tough). Picture you and dd in a year's time - picture being there when she starts nursery, picture both of you happy, secure, independent, having an incredbly strong and very special relationship that has grown out of this mess (that's what happened with me and mum - I was older but our relationship is so much stronger cos of what Dad did). Get a vision in your head - something to strive for, it'll feel a long way off now, but every day will be a step closer to it. You are not a terrible mother, you're human. Don;t feel like you have to do this alone. Don;t pretend to your closest friends and family that you're coping. tell them you're not - but that you will - but in the meantime you need them to help. take care

[thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat]

colditz is right - take some immediate steps now

[puddytats]

I posted on your other thread as well, in am near chichester, can i help at all?

[SSSandy]

"Everyone is telling me to put my dd first but I am finding it so difficult."

Who ARE these people?! Don't they have the sense to offer to take dd off your hands for the weekend? Of course you can't cope with a 2 year old when you're feeling like this. You have a right to feel terrible, you're not some super-mummy robot.

[amy2811]

No one else can take her everyone else works so its difficult for them plus she is attached to me at the moment wont leave me alone!

[puddytats]

My email address is dianahutchings @ tiscali .co.uk all one word. Email me if you want. Just keep talking. Yr daughter is playing on your emotions, that is all. I have a 2 1/2 year old son so i know how demanding they can be.

[SSSandy]

Would you like to talk about your relationship and what happened, Amy, or would it make you feel worse?

[mixedemotions123]

Amy, so sorry you are feeling so low. I remember the feelings so so well. My DH and I split up 11 years ago, and I truly believed my life was over, I loved him so much, the pain was unbearable. It is bloody hard, but as time goes on the only advice that I can give you is try not to focus on the good times that you shared, and seeing him through rose coloured glasses. It makes it so much harder to bear. my XH left for my best friend so in a way it was a double betrayal and i used to get so eaten up by jealousy and hatred towards her, but in time I managed to get my life back. He later found her with another bloke and as a result committed suicide. All I am trying to say Amy is that you will get through this, your daughter will be needing you without a doubt as her world has been turned upside down. But more importantly, you never know what tomorrow will bring, and little by little you will become stronger and better able to cope. hth.{{{{{hugs}}}}}

[Alipiggie]

amy2811 you can do this. My dh and I separated only a few months ago, shocked me to the core that he wasn't happy with me, he'd had an affair to and to cap it all we'd just emigrated to the USA. We're all here to listen to you, don't worry. The pain will get less. You dd is probably just playing up as she can feel your pain and no doubt knows which buttons to push. Take each day as it comes - take time for you and for your dd. Above all remember you are not alone. Sending you lots of