PND - what are the signs?

[Munz]

i'm not sure if I have the start of it, or am slightly depresseed, or just plain tired. am seeing my h/v tomorrow, but wondered if it was worht bothering her or not. I know I need a full nights sleep for a start which will prob help but it's not even 11 am i'm crying.

i'm not sure if i'm normal or not, I feel resentment a bit towards Joey, co i'm so tied to him, DH can swan off when he likes where he likes and i'm tied, not that I mind but it would be nioce if I wanted to to go out on my own. then I feel guilty about thinking that of Joey cos I do love hikm to bits. I enjoy feeding him but am also thinking about stopping cos the only time he seems happy to cuddle me is when a boobs in his mouth.

I can't really explain what's up but I have all these feelings that I can't explain and then feel guilty cos I feel I shouldn't be feeling like this, I should be happy, I feel like i'm a bad mum cos I leave Joey on his own to play whe he's awake and I tidy around, but then when he's asleep I do it then as well iycwim. when I try to play with him he's not intrested and I think why botehr, but then I feel crappy again for thinking that about my own son.

I hope i'm making sence to someone cos i'm not to me. :( i'm going away for 2 weeks on sunday with mum/dad so will have lots of support then. DH can't have any time off of work this week - which I could do with - althou when he does have time off all he does is sleep/sit on the comp so i'm no better off - worse in fact cos I cna't just get on with things and potter as i'd want to.

it's getting harder every day to get up out of bed cos i'm so tired. best get off and see Joey/get dressed.

[colditz]

You sound a bit depressed Munz. how old is Joey?

[tyedye]

How old is your baby munz?PND can set in several months plus after the birth,and it does sound like it,is he your first?Are you able to see friends,or a mums and tots?

[foxinsocks]

don't think you should get hung up on definitions - PND is really just depression that happens in the period after having a child

if you feel bad all the time, prob worth talking to the doc. Are you looking forward to the holiday? Might be worth seeing how you feel after that and taking it from there. Sounds like you are doing a lot on your own and I'm sure that's not helping.

[Marne]

Hi munz,
Do you get any time on your own (without Joey)?
Is ther any one who could have Joey for a few hours to give you a rest?

Saffrons only happy when she's feeding, we seem to have good days (where i love being with her) and then bad days (where i just want a break.

It does seem like at this age all they do is feed, cry and poo but it does get better.

Hang in there, you are doing a great job with Joey, talk to your health visitor about how you are feeling and she should be able to help.

[Munz]

he'sa 13 wks tomorrow, can't wait to go home as I know mum will help/support me and i'll be able to get sleep during the day - no housework there! lol.

there's not really any one I trust here to leave him with apart from DH who works all week, as none of my frieds have babys yet, we went to a group once - it's at 9.30 am 20 miles away so it was a struggle! lol. althou we're going to baby massage again tomorrow, I just feel I can't be bothered with any thing. :(

marne - i've started to go one afternoon p/w over top work to have a cghat to everyone/ a cuppa - v informal there and we can chat on an afternoon over a brew, apart from that no he's always with me.

[Munz]

yes he's the first.

[jessicaandrebeccasmummy]

I was really hoping this wasnt you sweetheart.

I agree that wait and see how you feel when you get back from your mums, the rest will do you the world of good, and you will be able to focus better with some sleep!

Sending you HUGE hugs mate and thinking of you loads. You have my number if you want to chat while you are at your mums ok (or anytime) xxx

[colditz]

Tell you partner to take him out for a walk in the pram. wanting time to yourself does not make you a bad mother, and getting time to yourself makes you a better one!

You deserve to be looked after!

If it was your best friend who felt as bad as you do, who had a 13 week old baby and not much help, what would you say to her?

would you say to her "You should be keeping up with all the housework, being a sex goddess, chef, professional baby play expert, and don't even think abut leaving your baby's side you bad woman!"?

Would you say that to anyone else? No? Then don't treat yourself so badly! You are just as deserving of rest, and help, as anyone!

[Munz]

thanks hon x

bloody army's not helping matters - but it's what we signed up 2. SSDD there!

[colditz]

OH, AND SCREW THE HOUSEWORK, GET SOME SLEEP.

soory! oops

[tyedye]

I remember feeling like you with my first,trapped,stuck,knackered and isolated,unable even to nip to the shop,it gets better, it must do,that was 15n years ago and i had 3 moreWalking,have you a sling?A real brisk walk,he should sleep,and you will get some endorphins from the exercise AND feel quite smug for being healthy!!The sun WILL come out soon and you WILL feel better!

[Munz]

lol, i'd say i'll take the baby for the afternoon so u can have a rest! going to get dh to take joey on friday night - he can sit up with him in th spare room, then mum's down on sat afternoon if i want another couple of hours to look around the shops, and i've planned a trip to the cinema with DB and his g/f.

[tyedye]

Colditz,you bad girlAMEN TO THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Munz]

housework is my issue - that and the bloody cleanoholics programme. I hate sitting in an untidy house - the tops have to be clear - even if the draw underneath isn't! lol.

[jessicaandrebeccasmummy]

Lou sweetie, screw the housework. Set yourself say 3 15 min slots if its that much of an issue, but dont fret - get Dan to do his bloody fair share, lazy toad, and get some rest.

I still do it now.... Jess and Becky both slept from 10-11.30 - so guess who else did! Its perked me up and made me fresher for the rest of the afternoon.

Enjoy the cinema, the shops and friday night all to yourself. As I said earlier, the rest at your mums will do you the world of good..... and Joey will calmer with a less stressed mummy!

[CADS]

Know exactly how you feel. You will surprised how many mom's have the same feelings. You are still an individual and not just a mum.

You need to make some friends with other children. Being a SAHM is can be very lonely and will make the days drag as will as making you feel down.

Excuse me for saying this, but your dh needs a kick up the arse. It took the two of you to make Joey so you are both 50/50 responsible for his care no matter who works and who stays home. Get tough. Take turns with having time to yourselves. My dh was the same but he has pulled his socks up and has a whole different understanding on parenting. We take turns with everything in the evenings and weekends, like sleeping in, one baths and the other puts to bed, etc.

Try joining a gym, go grocery shopping on your own while dh looks after Joey. Have bath with joey in the evening and let dh get him dressed and puts him to bed while you soak. You will amazed what a difference these things make. Sod the housework.

Things will get easier and once he is older and starts to interact with you and crawl, etc it will lift your spirits.

Motherhood is the hardest job you will ever have.

PS "we have two now and I'm feeling broody already"

[MeAndMyBoy]

Oh munz hun. {{hugs}} Please tell your health visitor better to have her aware and on side than keeping quiet. The sooner you catch it the quicker it can be turned round.

You need to tell DH how you are feeling too.

Well done for saying something.

Took me 12 mths!!

If you want a chat mail me

harrizeb at bigfoot dot com.

H x

Colditz lol :)

[CADS]

LOL cleanoholic

Try to do the housework/tidying up while he is awake. Use antibactrial/dust wipes instead of sprays.

I hoover when dd is fussing or having difficulty settling. It quitens her down immed and even sends to sleep. I have done alot of hoovering in the last 6mnths. We have a white noise CD that gets her off to sleep and keeps her asleep for longer. I can give you the name if you want it.

Also, I have a baby einstein dvd that keeps her entertained when she is fussing. It worked with ds too.

Try to bf has long as possible, bottle feeding is alot more work and you don't need to go through the whole given up 'guilt' feelings.

Do you drive? If he is having difficulty settling, get in the car, take a book/newspaper, pull over when he is asleep and read.

[Munz]

hey all, sorry bout yesterday - I was having a bit of a tough day, still DH and I had a good chat - u know the whole u do nothing, well u don't trust me with our son/what ever I do is wrong so why bother thing, and fingers crossed things will improve esp once joey/I come back from our hols.

we've decided to drop doing the dream feed at 10.30 and go back to doing just the one when he wakes up - he was taking 4oz for a DF and then 2oz about 2am which wasn't helping my sleeping or Joey's i'm sure, (he's been waking at 4am screaming and wide awake since we've been doing that) also we're going back to the old EASY routein might take a day or two but the boy seems constantly tired and just doesn't know what to do with himself, he napped yesterday for 4 hours and still woke up screaming, so we'll go back to what we know and to hell with the set bed time for the minute, we have the routein in place the timejust vary's to when's respectable - normally around 8.30 to 9.

I think for now as i'm having more good days than bad (bad is v few and far between but seem to be particually bad) i'll see how things go, still we laid our cards out so we'll see. also DH and I are going out alone on sat night - so that will prob help! - will be nice to feel human instead of a milk machine! :o

[toadstool]

Can you bear the thought of easing up the whole 'routine' thing a bit more, as it seems to be giving you some stress? - e.g. your bmilk supply is different from a few weeks ago, and he's probably more alert than he was. Waking up at 4AM and sleeping for 4 hours in the day looks like 'reverse cycle feeding', i.e. he's swapped day for night. All he needs is to readjust a bit, and this may feeding him more often in the day, and expanding bedtime to a looser 8.30-9.30 slot, so you can work out the best time for him to feed (and I mean HIM, not what they say in books).