How do I talk about this?

[RibenaFiend]

I took myself to see my doctor today. I am reeling from the revelations that speaking with an impartial person can help you to see. I've been diagnosed with depression which is causing me massive anxiety and she helped me to see that it was stemming from an enormously unhappy work life. I thought that because I stalked about it with friends and family so often I wasn't bottling it up but no, apparently being treated like this can eventually get into your head and cause you to doubt everything in your life

My (NHS) doctor is amazing. She listened, she didn't rush me and then she saw me again the next day where she came in early so she could fit me in.

So. How do I talk about this? My DP is beyond amazing. He is supportive and so so relieved that I am now in agreement to take any job i can achieve rather than continuing to hold out for a career move. We're also keeping it light hearted because eggshells would be awful.

I suppose my questions to those of you who have travelled this road before me are:
How long in your experience does citalopram (20mg) take to start to help? I'm currently unable to sleep but I feel very sick. Not sure if that's my anxiety or the tablets however.

How do you talk about it? My DP is amazing but I'm feeling very weirded out. It's almost surreal and I think I cried because my life outside of work is perfect for us and now my awful job has won and ruined it. We are now holding off ttc until I'm sorted and in a better place.

I don't really know why I'm awake either. I'm so tired.

[Pancakeflipper]

This is going to sound awfully patronising, sorry, but you are doing good - you have recognised the issue and got medical help and are not pretending it's not happening to you. That is a big chunk of the battle

They say it takes about 2 weeks for the Citalopram to really kick in. It can make you feel worse before you feel better - it can make you feel more anxious ( just what you need!).

20mg is a low dose. Don't feel like a failure if they up it to 30mg, 40mg, or 60mg.. You are not 'getting worse'.

People often start on 20mg so their body adjusts to it before stepping up to another level. Though you might stay on 20mg.

And don't stop taking it without a slow withdrawal and working with your Dr who will help you reduce so your body adjusts.

Keeping a diary might help you. One method that can help people is to break the day down into 3 parts: morning /afternoon/evening. And to give a tick or cross if you had a good or crap morning/afternoon or evening. Make notes on what was crap/why and how you felt and what you did to get past it etc... It will build up a picture for you and you'll see yourself improving.

Work with your Dr, that will really help you.

You will get better, keep patient and be really kind to yourself. If you have a bad day - it's just that, a bad day, things don't stay the same. Don't push yourself too hard, you need to rest your mind to help recover. And you will be fine ( with added empathy for others !).

lots of luck.

[Madratlady]

I'm in a very similar situation, I hate my job, I'm really struggling with anxiety at the moment and I can't work out which is causing which. I can't leave my job as anything else would be a pay drop we can't afford. I was on citalopram which did help a lot but stopped to ttc. I feel terrible at the moment.

Sounds like you're doing the right thing by trying to find another job and it's great that your dh is so supportive. I don't have anything more helpful to say sorry, but I hope you find a better job soon.

[RibenaFiend]

Thank you. Thank you both.

I think the diary is a very good idea. Hopefully will help me to see a bigger picture too.

Silly to say but I just didn't expect it to happen to me. You know?

[Pancakeflipper]

I have found that those who are the positive type, determined and usually have direction to their lives. It's like the floor goes from under them and because they are used to dealing with stuff and being capable and knowing where to go with problems - well it just leave them wide eyed and scared.

It is not being weak. That's a load of nonsense You have to be strong to deal with mental health issues. And be body and mind aware of yourself. Don't worry about the label of 'mental health' it is far more common than you think. Take support where you find it. It will come from surprising places on your way as you get better.

[RibenaFiend]

Thank you pancake. I really do appreciate your posts and advice. Madrat I'm sorry you're in a bad place. Keep looking and applying for jobs. It can't hurt and it may help.

I don't think I'm going to sleep tonight.

[Pancakeflipper]

Then get a easy to read book, magazine or the radio on at low volume and just rest your head. Turn off the technology - it makes people a little restless and buzzy (says me who should have gone to bed an hour ago...)

[RibenaFiend]

Advice taken. Thank you will see how this goes.

(I feel I am saying many thank you's and also sorry's today)