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How to best help my friend....she is very very depressed.

(3 Posts)
JakeBullet Wed 19-Dec-12 11:48:43

Need advice.

One of my best friends is seriously depressed and has been since before the birth if her daughter 10 years ago. To be frank she has the most horrendous childhood experience of severe sexual abuse and I am honestly in awe of her that she can function at all.sad

Day to day she copes with lots of support from her friends and from family who are near enough. She is agoraphobic and cannot cope with public transport, with encouragement and support she got through driving lessons and passed her test in the summer but her car is now off the road and she cannot afford to repair it. I suspect it is beyond repair anyway, this has sent her downhill again as with access to a car she was able to get out of the house.

She has a new partner in her life (her last partner collapsed and died 18 mo this ago) but he is currently spending lots of time at his mothers as he has this winter lurgy and does not want to pass it in to her or her DD. I am not convinced this man is going to be around long term anyway and this s where the issues lie as my friend finds it extremely hard to be on her own. As soon as she is alone for any short period of time (in this case it's been 3 days) she goes downhill to the point of feeling practically suicidal. This is where she is at now...I have just come off the phone to her and she was sobbing. I have offered to go and get her, pick her DD up from school this afternoon and cook them both dinner after which they could stay the night. Have offered her the chance to have a soak in the bath as my bath is a lovely size and hers is not. She has not washed or changed her clothes for three days and hasn't eaten. At present she can hardly speak and said she would ring me back. It's been a hard week for her as I usually take her DD to school but have DS home with a high temp and chest infection so he hasn't been going in. A neighbour has helped her with school runs as her agoraphobia makes it hard to manage . When she had a working car it was fine.

I have offered to collect her DD from school today if she can sit with DS as the neighbour cannot help and this is just another issue for my friend to sort out. She feels useless because she can't walk down there or get on a bus or in a taxi so is brooding on it all.

She is already having weekly psychotherapy under the mental health unit.
She is on masses of medication.
She has also got herself into a financial mess over Xmas as she feels guilty all the time about her DD not having "a proper Mum". She has overdone it this Xmas and borrowed from Provident to do so, I know I can't help her with this but she's added another pressure.

How can I best help her? I rang the crisis team last time and spoke to a psychiatrist who advised me to take her to A&E which was impossible as I couldn't get her out of the house.

Any advice sad

She's a good friend and is struggling. She has been through more in 34 years than most people cope with in a lifetime. I just want to help her.

meugler Wed 19-Dec-12 14:06:26

Just to say I think all you can really do is ask yr friend how you can be of help. do not take control away from her as sexual abuse survivors hate this (i have v similar history to you friend). Just knowing you are there may be enough for her but I understand you feel quite helpless.

JakeBullet Wed 19-Dec-12 18:08:12

Thank you meugler smile

Went and got her at lunchtime and spent time here with her. Had a long chat and let her cry sad . Her partner has now come back so she has gone home. She feels better when he is around but Tbh I think he's a bit emotionally abusive...very moody with her at times

To cap it all her DD has come down with chicken pox tonight, she is 10 so has missed it at the usual young ages

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