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Keep bursting into tears since yesterday, realised how disabled I am, very very low

(63 Posts)
MrsjREwing Sun 25-Nov-12 20:38:56

I have long term health problems. I met a very good childhood friend I lost touch with yesterday and keep crying since. I was young full of hope and life, now I am a shaddow.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Mon 26-Nov-12 00:09:46

Oh yes, the fatigue, the aching miserable inability to do anything without needing rest rest rest & more bloody rest. I miss my brain too, it doesn't make it better when people say they don't notice a big difference, as I limit being with people & cover up & pretend.

I know people who seem to have it a tiny bit better sorted than me, but not anyone who has made it to the other side. I'd love to hear a proper happy ending story, not a 'kind of keeping it together but still walking too close to the edge' story! Ah well.

Sorry I hope I haven't hijacked your thread. Good luck with sleeping, am off to down some drugs & hope for a better tomorrow xxx

Ummofumbridge Mon 26-Nov-12 00:14:21

That sounds so hard op.
I often think the 'walking disabled' have it the worst in some ways as people don't appreciate how bad it is.
I've struggled all my life with anxiety but nobody can ever understand unless they've been there. I struggle to understand!!

Sending you love xx

MrsjREwing Mon 26-Nov-12 00:20:17

Bridge, yy Anxiety is not easy to live with, mine is managable now since CPAP treatment by the respiratory department, the continual panic attacks were awfull, I still get them just no way near as chronic as 6 months ago.

MrsjREwing Mon 26-Nov-12 00:21:22

Night double, don't forget pm me if you want to join the fb group.

SirBoobAlot Mon 26-Nov-12 00:24:18

I have CFS / ME, PCOS, BPD and suspected endo and fibro. Quite a collection. Also SPD left over from pregnancy.

Its bloody hard work. An old song lyric always comes into my head; "I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired".

I can't say I am completely happy now (battling my way with the BPD currently in a hope to change that) but I am happier than I was. Trying to look at things in a different light has helped me dramatically. If it wasn't for my health conditions, I wouldn't be the person I am today, and I am beginning to vaguely like that person. Also, finding little bits of the things you wish you could do. For example, I'm not well enough to work full time, or even part time, and doubt I ever will be. But I do run a breastfeeding drop in every week for two hours, and I do cover my friends shop for the odd day if he has meetings. Four years ago I didn't think that would ever be possible. I suffer for it afterwards, but its worth it.

Its so hard, and I know exactly how you feel. Get it all out on here, there are (sadly) many of us that understand.

Big gentle hugs.

MrsjREwing Mon 26-Nov-12 00:56:47

I have PCO and endo too, my endo is very sore and I get bad pmt from the PCO hormones being so ott, I am pmt at the moment axtually probably why I am so tearfull. The female hormones effect EDS too.

They told us our fatigue and pain is similar to cfs and fibro.

Sorry you are suffering too x

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 26-Nov-12 07:22:08

How are you feeling today OP?

MrsjREwing Mon 26-Nov-12 08:47:40

No tears this morning. My eyes are very swolen this morning.

Wishfulmakeupping Mon 26-Nov-12 14:53:18

Bless you, hope things get easier for you, remember you are strong, youve dealt with a lot so don't be hard on yourself.

DoubleLifeIsALifeHalved Mon 26-Nov-12 16:43:19

Thinking of you, thumping head so can't post much but just wanted to check in with you & see how you surviving

MrsjREwing Mon 26-Nov-12 16:58:21

My head was thumping from crying last night, hope it goes for you. I only cried once today. I don't know why, I go from feeling capable to feeling needy, cognituvely, emotionally and physically. Maybe the brain gets squished about and goes back to normal in me like in Chairi as I am not consistant at all. I am so forgetfull and disorganised.

RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles Mon 26-Nov-12 17:15:14

Hi, I just wanted to comment about understanding where you are coming from with this feeling.

I feel like I have a life sentence with my illnesses and have had people try to convince me it's all in my head/ignore symptoms. I am a smart cookie, and I do understand about psychosomatic symptoms, and I do agree that stress makes everything I suffer with a lot worse, but it's not what caused it to get there in the first place, so I wish they would respect that, even though it's an unusual case which doesn't show on blood testing (arthritis) and the pain is there when it shouldn't be (kidney damage).

I mean, I get GPs pulling that "is she drug seeking?" face when I've seen consultants who have okayed treatments long term, and told me to request as and when I need diazepam, and every time I go back to say "nope these painkillers don't cut it". I would rather not be pumping myself full of medications thank you very much, I'm not a drinker or a drug taker unless it's entirely necessary. And just because I have mental health disorders does not mean you can take my physical health disorders any less seriously.

Fighting to get my DD diagnosed too, with a behavioural condition (in my mind she has ADHD) and I know I get that, is she making this up scepticism from some people. Except that when I got a carer and she came in to our life long term, she saw it too. And her teacher now agrees with me. Imagine my heartache when my ex-DP mentions they are watching my DS for signs of ADD. Conditions that people like to believe don't exist, or are naughty kids or bad parents.

Sometimes I lack the strength to go on. Then I nap, and have to pull myself back up again to keep going, for the sake of my kids.

MrsjREwing Tue 04-Dec-12 18:08:37

Sorry you have suffered to.

Well ss closed the case. I felt a weight was off me.

Then I got a phone call from GP and then a copy of a letter school sent GP.

I simply do not understand that school at all.

I feel horrible again, they still do not seem to believe me sad. I feel persecuted for being imperfect and having imperfect children.

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