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My heads a mess

(26 Posts)
strugglin Thu 08-Nov-12 08:21:41

Im a sahm with 3dcs dp works 12/15hrs a day to enable me to be at home. I have on the surface a happy home life. I am able to be at home, i dont have to worry about money as dp provides for us pays my car insurance and other stuff.

But as the title says my heads a mess. Every morning i hate the fact that i have woke up. The house is a mess there are piles of washing and ironing every where there are always dishes to be washed. I just cant seem to do it. I cant cope with the kids they are wearing me down. I cant cope with anything even simple tasks. I just want to go to bed and cry. I cant face food. i struggle to get dresses. i dread having to leave the house as i really cant face people. I shout at the kids over stupid stuff like ds whos 7 i asked him to get himself some socks but he couldnt find any so i went mad at him but its not his fault as his socks could be anywhere in the house and thats my fault.

I am trying desperatly to keep my head up buts its like im drowning but every now and again i find the strength to hold it together but this lasts no longer than a week then im back to square 1.

Dp is trying to help me but how can i tell whats wrong if i dont know myself. Im pushing him away and i dont want that. Im so paramoid he will find someone nicer and happier than me and then dcs will go with him cos they dont want to be with miserable mummy. I feel like such a fraud as i really dont have anything to worry about.

I have no family on my side i dont speak to my mother and the rest of the family have took her side. I have asked my HV for help i saw her in the shop she asked if i was ok and i broke down she took my number told me she would call but hasnt this was a week ago. I went to my dr he asked me to fill out a phq9 form and go back i havnt.

I did have pnd when baby was born at the begining of the year i thought i was over it i as seemed to have a good couple of months but these last 3 weeks have really taken its toll.

I need help if not im going to loose everyone that means the world to me

Lifeisontheup Thu 08-Nov-12 08:40:10

You need to go back to your GP, you sound just like I was when I had three young DC's and a DH who was working long hours. Everything just feels like too much of an effort, it feels like wading through treacle.
Go back and see if you can get some meds to get you through this, IME, PND can come and go, or more probably you think you're over it and you're not.
Is their any chance you could get a cleaner or at least someone to do the ironing? I think my ironing lady saved my life, it made a difference everything coming back folded so could just put it away.
Lots of sympathy and brew brew You will get through it.

Frontpaw Thu 08-Nov-12 08:44:16

Darling, you are showing signs of depression. It may very well be a chemical imbalance. Go to your doctor NOW.
Help is there.

Gotta run - will pop back.

OneLieIn Thu 08-Nov-12 08:46:52

Sweetie, get some help from your GP xx

amillionyears Thu 08-Nov-12 10:35:20

Dont be afraid to come back on here and post again.
We can help you to sort things out, to sort your head out, so that you can see the wood from the trees.

strugglin Thu 08-Nov-12 12:18:23

I have just got back from the drs gave her the phq9 she told me to have a think about going in ad's and to make a follow up appointment. Thats the 2nd time in the space of a week i have asked for help and been fobbed off. Whats the point?! Ive had enough i guess now its time to fake it 'til i make it.

amillionyears Thu 08-Nov-12 12:39:03

I always say, if you dont get on with one GP, go to another one in the practice.
They are all different imo.

I dont have any experience of the phq9.
From what you have written, and I may be wrong on this, but I am not sure she is fobbing you off.
I would
1.fill out form
2,make appointment
3. see that GP or another one

When you see the GP, be firm about wanting the ads.

Lifeisontheup Thu 08-Nov-12 13:05:56

From what you have said I don't think she is fobbing you off, she would be if she just gave you the AD's and didn't want to see you again. I would make another appointment and perhaps do some research into other therapies as well that might be available to discuss with her. Taking pills has to be your decision and she probably wants to give you time to think about it without any pressure.

Also, not sure if this is possible for you but it helped me. Could you get DH to take a couple of days off when DC's are at school/nursery and get him to help blitz the house? I found it so difficult to start when everything was a mess but felt a bit better when it was tidier.

MrsMuddyPuddles Thu 08-Nov-12 13:10:35

"have a think about going in ad's and to make a follow up appointment"

That does not sound like fobbing off to me, it sounds like her trying not to pressure you into drugs and like the GP is trying to give you a chance to do what you think is right. Call the surgery, make a follow-up appointment, go in and say "I've had a think, and believe that ADs would be the right choice".

It might be a new depression, maybe chemical, maybe something else. I'd suggest also asking about councilling (the queue can be QUITE long, however), as it really helps me.

Good luck, and please keep posting here!

strugglin Thu 08-Nov-12 16:21:51

Tbh i dont know what i expected her to do. Im just fed up of living like this.

And its crap that i dont have a mother to talk to (not that would anyway queen of the gossips a drama queen and she always uses stuff against me)

Is there anywhere i could adopt a mum from? (Lol) a nice woman that listens, goe out for the day with me, makes me tea and is generally there for me and dcs when i need her to be.

MrsMuddyPuddles Thu 08-Nov-12 16:44:16

Actually, I got a flier about that sort of thing from my GP surgery the other day, strugglin! It's a befriender service organised for mums with children under 4... flier is at home, and I'm at work, but will try to remember to look up details.

Otherwise, ask your GP or HV or at your local library... you might be able to make mummy friends even if they don't serve as a mother figure.

I really would urge trying to get councilling, as that's what the councellors I've seen have been like in the past (except 2 were men)

Maryz Thu 08-Nov-12 16:50:54

I'll be your online mum and listen if you want a moan, strugglin smile

I've been there - three under four and thinking I just couldn't cope with life. I remember thinking that if I got through the day with the kids fed and no more washing than there was at the beginning of the day I had done well.

Go back to your gp. I found anti-depressants worked wonders, and you don't have to be on them long-term, just if you have had pnd, if you aren't coping, it's better to insist on help now while you can than to wait a while and really fall apart.

quazi Thu 08-Nov-12 16:54:00

You sound like me - I had course of CBT which has helped, but have still had to go back onto antidepressants, a low dose. I feel human again, I can cope, you can too. Go back to your GP. I always hated the idea of ADs and so when my GP first suggested them I went away and didn't go back, which was a mistake. Doing the CBT gave me the chance to see whether I could do things without chemicals, but now I know I need them too, particularly in the winter months.
Good luck. Being a SAHM is hard.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds Thu 08-Nov-12 16:56:44

Oh sweetie you sound desperately depressed. I'm here to listen too and offer many virtual brew brew brew

Anti-depressants and CBT (cognitive behaviour therapy) helped to sort me out when I felt as you are sounding - and I only have 2 DCs with a nice manageable gap of 2.5 years between them!

Iceaddict Thu 08-Nov-12 17:02:27

I bet you cried all the way through writing that. I've felt like you do and it will get better. Are you being brutally honest with your GP about your feelings? I'd go back and get some AD's and start taking them immediately, if I felt like you do. I'm not telling you to but I would. and please don't feel guilty about how you feel, about your kids, about the washing etc. Think about yourself. get the kids to bed tonight and take some time out for yourself.

Try and think of one thing you like about yourself, whatever that may be, maybe something you do that is good and think of it as a positive affirmation to repeat to yourself.

Get back to docs tomorrow whether you get AD's or not, ask for counselling, its great to get your feelings out to someone who wont judge. I wish you lots of luck

strugglin Thu 08-Nov-12 17:19:19

Thank you all for your kind words.

Im going to ring sure start in the morning as theres a centre not far from me and see what groups they offer. I also have an appointment with my HV next week. I have also managed to put some make up on dp will get a shock when he comes home grin i need to get myself into a better routine in the mornings. Im up early enough for us all to be ready on time but i cant seem to be bothered then i shouting cos were running late and we shouldnt be.

maryz thank you. You may regret saying that as im a pita.

Iceaddict Thu 08-Nov-12 17:28:03

Thats brill, sounds like letting it out did you some good

Maryz Thu 08-Nov-12 18:44:45

No, I won't regret it.

pm me and kick me up the arse if you want to talk.

The best advice I ever got (when I was really, really, really down) was to go for a walk every day and to have someone I could meet with once a week for a moan.

The person didn't have to give advice, or try to solve my problems, just listen to me and let me stress and obsess.

Luckily I have such a friend, and it did me the world of good. I did try to have a half-hour rule - so I could moan for half an hour, then had to try to talk about something else.

When you are depressed you can't just "pull yourself together" or "get into a routine", you need encouragement and help. And sometimes medication.

serengetty Thu 08-Nov-12 18:47:07

Wot they all said. No wonder you are struggling but IT WILL GET BETTER

strugglin Fri 09-Nov-12 14:26:06

Todays a better day grin someone has suggested st johns wort instead of ad's has any of you taken this before?

Have been in family court today with regards to my 2 eldest dcs thats finally been put to bed so i no longer have court dates and solicitors appointments to be worrying about. My parents were also in court as they want to see eldest dcs (but not the baby) it was agreed that my dad rings when they are free to pick the 2dcs up i have agreed to that on the basis that they leave me alone ( i cannot cope with having them in my life).
Not had chance to ring sure start but will do it monday. Dp is off out tonite so im going to put the dcs to bed and have a few hours peace might even paint my nails. Then tomorrow we are child free until sunday tea time so me and dp are spending some quality time together

MaryZezItsOnlyJustNovember Fri 09-Nov-12 14:32:14

I wouldn't mess around with "natural" cures if I were you. Not if you have been depressed or had PND before. I would go back to the doctor and accept a/d's if they think you need them. And ask to be put on a waiting list for counselling. The situation with your parents makes me think you could do with someone in real life to listen to you.

It sounds as though you are having a tough time at the moment, and I'm glad things are a bit better today. But your op does sound pretty desperate so don't rule out depression.

MrsMuddyPuddles Fri 09-Nov-12 17:41:54

St John's Wort is a mild SSRI. It's powerful stuff, if you do decide to go down that route, please at least consult a herbalist.

strugglin Sun 11-Nov-12 19:39:51

Dp has left me. We have had a massive row and hes grabbed my face and pushed me across the kitchen. Hes packed his stuff, slammed all the drawers kicked the kitchen table and smashed the laptop. Hes told me hes coming back in the morning to take our son off me because he says i need sectioning and im not safe with the kids i would never hurt my dcs ever

MrsMuddyPuddles Sun 11-Nov-12 23:36:20

Have you called the police about "he's grabbed my face and pushed me across the kitchen." ?!!

Also, call your parents or anyone IRL who can support you over your break-up. Was this the first time he was violent towards and/or around you?

strugglin Mon 12-Nov-12 11:10:52

No its not the first time hes been violent towards me. Its the first in a while though (not that it makes any difference) i really thought we could work. Maybe hes the reason my heads a mess.

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