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Does this sound like my mum is depressed or is it something more?? sorry long!!

(11 Posts)
Lulu1984 Tue 25-Sep-12 09:28:37

Ever since I got married my mum has completly turned on me and my DH. We had our DD 6 mths before we got married (1st GC) as well so a lot going on for us. She has also been going through the menopause since this point so I know shes had a lot to deal with. My parents sat down and told us mum was depressed and on AD and that we basically needed to do lots of things to keep her happy.

Its been 2 and a half years since this point and we've tried doing things to keep her happy as well as backing off at points to keep our own sanity. My mum struggles to sleep, finds it hard to concentrate on work (I work for her and notice a lot of mistakes at the moment due to not concentrating), being around her is like treading on eggshells, you never know if something you say is going to make her burst into tears. She has said a lot of very hurtful things to me, eg wishing I never married DH, that I have ruined her relationship with her sisters, a lot of negative comments about my DH. She once didnt go to work for a whole day (and neglected to tell me) because the previous day she had asked where my DD was going to preschool and got hysterical because it wasn't near her house but near ours????

She has a lot of issues stemming around my DD. She looks after her 2 days a week and again this causes a lot of worry for me as I really don't know if she is mentally stable enough. I always let out a sigh or relief when I pick her up when I see that shes home, as its always in the back of my head that she'll take off with her. She is constantly buying her stuff to buy her love, and gets very upset when we have time off and she doesnt get to look after her. She has also told my DD on several occassions that DD name is DD first name Mums surname. Just little bits like this really ring alarm bells with me and I don't know what to do.

She makes it obvious she hates me and DH but pretends she wants to see us and have the ideal perfect family. She constantly compares our relationship to her sisters/nieces etc. There has also been similar issues with my DB and DSIL but she has denied this and said that they had their own problems which were nothing to do with her. I have talked to DSIL and she has experienced a lot of the same issues as us. She has also become extremely selfish and self absorbed, doesnt care if we've been ill, what we do, eg holidays etc if it doesnt involve her.

I'm not sure if she has always been like this in someway and its taken me having my own family to realise, I just don't know what to do anymore. Is this depression or is there some other underlying MH illness here. She wont admit and of these issues are because of anything she is doing and I dont know how to get her help. Can I talk to her GP?? Would it do any good if she doesnt admit theres a problem.

I dont know if this is the right place to put this, just need to get someone elses view

catstail Tue 25-Sep-12 12:27:15

I would say this could be badly managed depression. I would speak to whoever you are closest to that she accepts advice from and express your concerns as impartially as you can.

She needs more or new medication and until that happens nothing will change.

So sorry, its hard losing your Mum like this

catstail Tue 25-Sep-12 12:29:32

oh, and if you can get past the receptionist, yes you can talk to her gp. If necessary you can make an appointment in your name and talk about your mum instead when you get there

The GP cant agree or share a single thing with you but will listen to your concerns and record them. Hopefully this would help a great deal when he talks to your Mum at her next medication review. The BIG BIG issue though is that the GP HAS TO AND HAS TO put your visit on your Mums medical records - that is why I havent done this myself with regard to my own mother.

Frontpaw Tue 25-Sep-12 12:35:12

Poor you! It sounds like mum is depressed and also a bit jealous of you. You are young, have a small child who depends on you and loves you unconditionally and a newish husband. She may be just feeling a bit worn out, un-needed and old (with all the ususal aches and pains, memory lapses etc).

catstail Tue 25-Sep-12 12:38:27

Goodness me, I just realised she is not diagnosed or on ADs yet - this is almost exactly the same as my mother - she seems iller than yours but less hysterical. I am certain she has moderate/severe depression.

I completed this based on what I thought her honest answers would be www.netdoctor.co.uk/interactive/interactivetests/goldberg.php

What result do you get for your Mum? Could you share that with the GP?

Frontpaw Tue 25-Sep-12 12:43:03

Oh shit, I scored 53...

Lulu1984 Tue 25-Sep-12 13:17:34

Thanks for the responses.

I have just tried to talk to my dad on the phone about her and he just turns it all back on me, says if I came over more she would be absolutely fine. She can't accept that at the minimum she does have depression.

She had been on ADs and my dad did just tell me she's weaning herself off them at the moment as they don't think she needs them. How can I convince them shes not right?? My whole family just pander to her and I'm being made out to be the bad one as I've dared to say anything.

I will complete that test in a minute and see what it comes out like.

Lulu1984 Tue 25-Sep-12 13:31:38

I got a 50 for her on the test but her answers may be more extreme than I think ( or less). I guess it is worrying though

catstail Tue 25-Sep-12 14:08:04

Seeing her more will not help, i could almost guarantee, so try not to feel guilty.

My mum gets 50 too, she seems v v ill to me but can easily fool aquaintances.

If you cant get anyone else to help i would seriously consider gp. BUT, if she has been really bad for a while then i think you should make that clear otherwise he will think its just the dose reduction.

catstail Tue 25-Sep-12 14:09:06

And i think that depression questionnaire is a genuine medical questionnaire, not just glossy magazine quackery.

Lulu1984 Tue 25-Sep-12 14:15:06

I know seeing her more wont help, we have tried both approaches over the last few years and nothing helps. Its just so annoying that my dad just says to me if you did this and did that everything will all be fine. It feels like he's blaming me for her problems which is what i've been struggling with.

I might try and talk to my nan, im sure she must be able to see something is not right but dont know if she will do anything, she would rather just keep the peace.

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