Trying to pull myself together but struggling

[SurroundedByPlasticCrap]

I'm doing all the things I'm meant to do but I just can't hold it all together.

It's all so relentless and I have nobody to help me. I can't ask for help because it's so pathetic that I can't do basic things.

I really don't like myself and while I love my children I don't think I'm a good mother. I look a mess and feel like one too.

All I do is cook, clean and pick up other peoples shit, yet my house is still a tip, we have ants and I struggle to get my kids to eat anything decent.

It sounds so stupid because I know everyone else is in the same situation and has to do the things I do.

My parents live hundreds of miles away, I have BIL close but him and his GF refuse to help, everything has to be on their schedule (and why should they help, it was my choice to have kids). My DH works long hours at our own business that is constantly hanging on the verge of loosing everything, and no we can't get out without loosing everything.

So our lives revolve around the small amounts of money I have to survive on and my kids who have just pulled the couch apart for the 100th time today.

My 2yo kicks and bites me, I have no control over him. I've read books about toddler behavior and been on here loads but he's still a nightmare.

I'm tired and have been for 2 years, even though my kids sleep okay these days (they used to be awful). I've been to the doctor with every ache and pain, I look like a fucking hypochondriac, been given blood and urine tests and evrything comes back fine. I don't know whats wrong with me.

I know what depression is, I had pnd with both kids but this is different.

Who knows, just needed to write this down and calm down. Wish I could take a few days off from my life.

[theycallmemrsboombastic]

Hi surrounded how are you feeling today? when you have been to the doc what have they said? do you feel fobbed off? I ask because I was going through similar for a few years, tiredness, aches and pains, unable to cope with basic housework and self care-I was continually fobbed off by the GP with 'well your'e a single mum and its hard work'-turns out i have fibromyalgia. I am not saying you have it, but there may be a medical reason, such as ME,CFS, fibro.(these won't show up on blood tests) It may be worth looking up your symptoms, and going to the doctor with a list and a description of what you struggle with day to day.

On a day to day level, you could get some help from homestart, and you could see if your local council can do something about the ants. It sounds like you are under a huge amount of stress and you don't have much support.I know what you mean by wanting a few days off. When my 2 were little I used to fantasise about having a broken leg or something so that i would be in hopsital and get some rest! (stupid I know, a broken leg or similar would be horrendous and not a 'rest' at all, but my exhausted mind needed something to dream about!)

sorry I cant be more helpful, have an unmumsnetty hug ((((hugs))))

[racingheart]

hi

I feel for you. It's the hardest time of life, when you're stuck at home with toddlers and money worries. i don't know how anyone gets through without feeling down.

Can you have some breaks from your DS? Is there a nursery or playgroup he can go to a couple of times a week, so you can have a breather?

I agree about contacting Homestart, but they don't always have as many volunteers as they need, so you might go on a waiting list. Have you had a look at Flylady.com? She has ideas about doing housework for 5 mins at a time. It helps if you're exhausted, and amazingly, the house looks better, because she tells you what to do, so you do that, and it's stuff that is noticable and uplifting.

Next time your toddler is vile, agree with him. (Do it before he starts biting.) If he says no, say stuff like 'is that a big no or a little no/'It really throws them when you don't start a battle with them. they can't win if you won't fight. It sounds like giving in, but IMHE, it doesn't turn out that way. you end up getting the power and the results you want, while they think they have the power. It's weird. I learned it from a book called (something like) Positive Parenting Toddlers. Jane Nelsen is the author. It's all about taking away power struggles. My DS was very VERY strong willed when I was knackered and depressed and isolated from family and friends (know how you feel!) and anything like a naughty step just became a battle he'd win because he had more energy and less to do!

This time will pass. I felt really down and rough for months on end when DC were small. I still have bad days but most of the time, life is much more under control. I have my own work so own money, kids in school, so a bit of free time. These things will happen for you too.

This weather doesn't help either!