Having aspergers/autism. Does that excuse their behaviour?

[amillionyears]

A poster who has worked with young? people with aspergers/autism said that having aspergers/autism does not excuse their behaviour. Is that true?
I have a little knowledge of a few young people with the condition, but that is all.

[2blessed2bstressed]

Well ds1 is asd, and I have always said that sometimes his behaviour is because he is on the spectrum, and sometimes its because all children can be a bit naughty, and he's no exception - the trick is being able to tell the difference!
It can seem to the casual observer the he is being v shouty and aggressive (bad) for no reason, but we know its because his sensory issues mean that the coffee machine that just started making a noise all of a sudden, is hurting him.

[ABatInBunkFive]

Yes and no, depending.

[twolittlemonkeys]

It certainly explains some of it. My DS1 has Aspergers and certain things (which 99%) of people would be completely unaware of can trigger him, eg he has a hyper-sensitive sense of smell and gets really bothered by this, also if there is a lot of noise around him he can go into a bit of a meltdown. He likes routine and when that is broken he can become very stubborn and awkward.

On the other hand, he can misbehave just like any other 6 year old - so his condition doesn't always excuse his behaviour, but often is the reason for him behaving in a way those who are unaware of his ASD would deem unacceptable.

[coppertop]

Surely that depends on the behaviour itself, the reason for it, and the person's ability to control it?

[cornsyilk]

it's a bit of a generalisation really

[amillionyears]

Thats helpful ABat!! Cant yet muster how to do those faces.
I think I am most interested in the persons ability to control it.I have been having conversations here and there with various posters. I think hope one or two will come on later when then are able.
I suppose what i am asking is can some or most control their behaviour or modify it if appropriate.It seems to me, that most do know what is deemed right behaviour.

[thisisyesterday]

yes, i think it is true

it's an explanation of certain behaviour, but not necessarily an excuse iyswim?

that siad, it's hard to teach a child/person with aspergers what is and isn't acceptable.

for example, ds1 who is 7 will still just go up and start talking to people and being very in-your-face.
the fact he is autistic doesn't excuse that, and it's something we are slowly teaching him not to do, or teaching him appropriate ways of doing it. it does explain it though
and no, he can't "help" it because he genuinely has no idea he is doign anything wrong

[thisisyesterday]

i think ability to control it (depending on what "it" is) also depends on where they are.

so, DS1 is actually very good at controlling himself at school because he KNOWS that the rules are things like no shouting, no grabbing people, putting your hand up to talk

the issues arise when we are out of a familiar situation, or when he is with people he feels more at ease with, or when he is particularly stressed which could be for a variety of reasons many of which are relaly not obvious to anyone who doesn't know him very well

[PurplePidjin]

It depends on the behaviour - certain behaviours demonstrate that the person showing them has a neurological difference meaning they struggle to understand social cues and boundaries.

Physically and emotionally abusing your family is not one of those behaviours



PS [ hmm ] minus the spaces gives

[amistillsexy]

I agree with Purple. My Ds1's uncontrollable, inexcusable, appalling behaviour at age 3 was the reason we first went to the Dr. We hoped felt that our parenting wasn't soooo bad it warrented such drastic actions from the child.

The Ed Psych, whom we spoke to initially, without Ds1, immediately pulled out the DISCO test, or some such, as she heard the behaviours and assumed Autism. As it turned out, he does have autism, BUT, with some really good guidance and a completely new approach to parenting, and some amazing co-operation and flexibility from school, his behaviour is now fantastic. He works really hard to control his temper (which he still has, in spades!), and he is helpful, thoughtful and loving.

I have just come from a meeting with 'services', many of whom spoke about autism and challenging behaviour as though they are two side of the same coin. I am very . That assumption is damaging to all concerned. The two may go together, but not necesarily, and it does absolutely no favours to the child with ASD or the family to simply use ASD as an excuse, and carry forward the belief that nothing can be done about it (as the idiots I was with today were doing).

[PurplePidjin]

My post was made on the assumption that as this is in MH, the OP was referring to adults who may have undiagnosed AS. It's becoming more common for Aspergers to be suggested as a way to excuse or explain controlling behaviour in a marriage/serious relationship.

Ime, people who function in society to some level and have undiagnosed AS traits are not automatically abusers, and in fact are less likely to be able to form and maintain successful long term relationships (emphasizing again that I'm referring to those who have had no therapeutic intervention)

Please correct me if I'm wrong!

[amillionyears]

The 3 young people I actually know all have diagnosis.1 has AS, 2 have autism.They are all late teens or very early twenties.
I wasnt particularly talking about adults, but am interested in all of it, as the instances of it seem to be becoming more prevalent.So I just wanted to understand more.
One of my daughters has a friend with autism, who is SH.As my daughters friend moves into adulthood, and is likely to remain friends with my daughter, I am generally trying to understand it all a bit better.

[PJHarpy]

Excuses and reasons are two different things, imo.

My DS has Asperger's Syndrome. He is prone to violent outbursts when he feels anxious or out of control in a situation. As in teenagers and adults can go hand-in-hand with depression and mental health problems - the two can be very definitely linked, is what I am saying.

I work with young offenders, and a significant proportion have AS, ADHD or another learning or developmental condition....

[PJHarpy]

AS in teengagers, I meant, sorry, not 'as'

[ABatInBunkFive]

I think age has a lot to do with it, as an older person they have had more time to learn what is and isn't acceptable, a 'young' person will still be learning.

I think you are talking in too general terms, what behaviours are you talking about? what ages are you talking about? not everyone who has AS etc behaves the same way, they are all as individual as everyone else.

[PurplePidjin]

More so ime, bat

[ABatInBunkFive]

Very true!