Come talk to me about anxiety

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

I was going to name change for this but folk don't know me and it's nothing to be embarrassed about I guess.

I know I probably need to see the GP but it's a huge step for me to take. Over the last year or so I've been having very negative fearful thoughts, mainly related to my job and my performance, I work in a highly stressful environment and have to handover 'work' on a regular basis, ie a the end o every shift. I can stop panicking and worrying that I will be 'found out' that I have done something wrong or tha I've missed something huge, I find myself with a knot in my stomach until I go back to work and then the cycle starts again.

I can't enjoy my time off and I'm short with my kids and my husband, I want to spend all of my time in bed because if I'm asleep I can't worry. I sit going over things I've said or done or things people have said to me until I realise I've been holding my breath, actually forgetting to breathe because of the anxiety. I haven't really opened up to my husband, I've always been one of those people who suck life up and got on with it. Add that to the fact that I'm doing a job I yearned to do and actually do love many aspects of it. I don't know how supportive work would be if I approached them, not very I suspect and I really don't want it to be common knowledge how I'm feeln as tha will compound my feelings of uselessness and the knowledge that in all likelihood people will actually be talking about me behind m back would send me even more crazy than I feel already.

Does this sound like anxiety? Is it curable? Am I going to have to give up a job I love because I can't cope with the pressures, which is what I'm leaning to right now. I feel alone and don know where to turn.

[Methe]

It does sound like anxiety and it can absolutely be helped! I don't think a cure exists but certainly counselling and medication can make a huge difference in a relatively short space of time.

You are not useless. Worrying obsessively about something you care about is really common with anxiety, I obsess over my childrens health when i'm having a wobble. Your wobble is obviously your job, everyone is different.

Speak to your Dr, I know it is a HUGE ( and brave!) step but it's the first step on the road to not feeling like you do now. You could perhaps ring your practise and ask if their is a dr with a special interest in mental health and ask to see them?

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

Thank you for replying. I dont have massive confidence in my GP surgery but will contact them and see if I can get an appt with one of the more sympathetic doctors. I just want something that's going to either make me brilliant at my job or to stop me feeling so bad at not being brilliant.

[forcookssake]

Far from sounding useless, you sound like you're a highly competent person who IS doing a good job.

There is such a range of options available to you, including talking to your GP/nurse if you felt able to. When you're feeling anxious, it can be disproportionally hard to convey your concerns to other people, but getting feedback from someone that you trust can be really helpful. Plus, when you've articulated it once, you may well find it easier to discuss it with people closer to home.

[forcookssake]

Also I wanted to add, you say that it's a job you love - that fact alone means you're certainly a valuable employee, because you're doing something you really enjoy.

[hathorinareddress]

Have pm'd you BC

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

Thank you all. I'm tearing up (again!) reading the nice things you've said.

[UniPsychle]

Benedicts, poor you, anxiety is very common and very curable. It sounds as though you are great at your job, but that the way you are thinking about yourself is getting you into a state. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy is often very effective for anxiety. It helps you spot your unhelpful thoughts and start to challenge them. This link explains it in brief. It would be best to talk to your GP and get a referral. You can get CBT on the NHS either in person or online, but if you really don't feel you can talk to your doctor, there are some links on there to free online courses that might be a starting point.

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

Thanks for the link, I'll look through it now. I'm feeling sick and panicky now thinking over my last day at work and what is to come on Monday. I can't go on feeling like this.

[hathorinareddress]

BC - that's how I felt on Thursday, if you read my thread I think I said the exact words you just used in your last sentence!

[Bohica]

I thought it is normal to feel highly stressed over work? I have that knotted feeling during the day and wait for someone to say I have it wrong, not all the time but it is there, especially during the drive to & from work.

I have a few days off now due to Easter but I always have in the back of my head that thought that I'm not there, what will happen and a sort of dread to go back even though I love it and have made tiny mistakes in the past, I feel like I am waiting for the big one iyswim?

I have a knot in my stomach just typing about work! I have only been back to work for 9 months after 3 years at home so I assumed it is normal?

I'm having a terrible time at home with the DC just to add to it all

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

Maybe it is normal but it's not something I've encountered before, I've been in the world of employment for nigh on 15 years and I've never suffered anxiety on this scale before. Or any scale, as I say I'm flipping horizontal about most things, a suck it up and get on with it sort of person but I just can't stop going over events at work, going over what I said, what someone else said, what might happen if I didn't do x,y or z correctly. Analysing what people say to me, ringing work on my days off to see how things are, having my mind constantly stewing over and having actual physical symptoms. It's not unusual for me to forget to breathe fir a split second because I'm so focus on fretting about work, I'm so so tired, i want to sleep all the time, not least because if I sleep I'm not thinking about work. Maybe it is normal but I don't think I can handle it and I don't want to give up on a job I love.

[FarmerKate]

OMG, had not realised there were other people who felt exactly the same way. i could have written the first post - except that I can't sleep either for worrying. It is a horrible way to feel, I can truly sympathise. I have just done a course of CBT on the NHS (by phone so v convenient), it was great and I felt better for a while, although am back in a slump at the moment. Do feel slightly more equipped to cope though. To me it was great just having someone to talk to and some practical suggestions. Although I think I am going to have to go back to GP and explore other options as just cannot take feeling like this any more... but would definitely recommend GP and see what they say. Really hope we all feel better soon!

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

I'm In bed trying to sleep before tomorrow. I feel like I'm going to throw up.

[hathorinareddress]

Try to do calming stuff



Think about something else.

[FarmerKate]

Just wanted to say, was wondering how you were doing today and hoping you managed to sleep. I did actually manage some sleep last night because was not at work today - but now busy going through the emails and have clenched teeth and feeling sick... think am going to a) make GP appointment and b) investigate occupational health at work tomorrow. I always wonder if I won the lottery and so could give up work, would i miraculously be happy? I.e. is it really work, or would I just be anxious about something else? And do drugs work or would they just make me so spaced that I would make loads ofmistakes at work (albeit I wouldn't presumably care about them, but someone else might!)? Have heard of drugs for depression but not anxiety? Although given I feel like crying and/or throwing up and is only thought of my kids that makes me keep on going, maybe am slightly depressive.

[hathorinareddress]

I am not an expert Kate but the doc told me what she was giving me was for the anxiety - I don't feel depressed, I just feel/felt very uptight and anxious and over-thinking things.

You really should ring the GP it helped me - I'm struggling with the side effects a bit still but I'm trying as best I can to just think that it's side effects and they will abate.

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

Thanks folks, yesterday was, well, ok. I keep expecting to tapped on the shoulder and invited in to the office for a little chat, when I handed over last night it was to a very lovely colleague who didn't make me feel bad for certain things not being completed. I made a conscious decision to take things at my own pace and do things well rather than quickly. I think it definitely helped.

[BenedictsCumberbitch]

I have to go back tomorrow though and I feel tight chested about it all. I've not made a doctors appointment yet, having second thoughts in case he says we all get stressed about work.