Shoplifting and depression

[Minoush]

I've had depression on and off since I was a teenager and am on tablets full time now since having had my children. Once or twice after my first was born I stole a few things but stopped doing it pretty quickly. since my second was born 18months ago I've been doing it again with more and more regularity. It started with a few 'neccesities' like dummies, new bottle teats and the like when I was particularly broke but the more I got away with it the more I started to do it and the more brazen I became. I find it like a release and feel calmer after I've done it. It's not a cry for attention as I really don't want to get caught, in fact I'm terrified which is one of the reasons I feel I need to face up to this problem. I've tried telling myself I won't do it anymore but then I see a pretty top for my daughter that I can't really afford so off I go again. I mark how successful a trip into town has been by how much I come home with that I haven't paid for. I'm ashamed but also strangely feel happy when I've done it, especially when I see the excitement on my kids faces when I give them something new. My DH knows about it and is really worried. My second born had a really serious operation four months ago to correct a birth defect, I had surgery one month ago, my DH had a mysterious debilitating illness just before christmas and I also found out that he had been using sex chat websites behind my back last month. I wouldn't dare to suggest that those things excuse my behaviour just giving a full picture. On top of the shoplifting I've also been spending money to cheer myself up, I had a small windfall not long ago and feel almost compelled to spend. I'm so ashamed and feel sick. Don't know where to turn and feel too embaressed to admit to anyone face to face. Don't know how many people read this thread but I had to unload, sitting here trying to pretend to DH everythings fine when I feel like my head and chest gonna explode.

[flagnogbagnog]

Go to your doctor. Tell them everything. You need help. Your compulsion to steal is going to land you in serious trouble. You could go to prison, easily. You have to to stop doing this now.

[Selks]

You're doing a courageous thing, telling us on here what is going on. Now you need to use that courage to seek help. You know yourself that this is an impossible situation. I think you need to keep reminding yourself of the possible negative consequences of getting caught....how would it impact on your children? - your husband? - your self esteem?
You may be 'addicted' (psychologically) to the diversion from your depression that the adrenaline of stealing and the gratification feelings afterwards give you. You need to find other ways to get that distraction and body chemical rush without doing something that could have such negative consequences for you and your family. You could look into taking up some kind of exercise or sport for starters. But do go and speak to your GP and don't forget to mention the depression aspect. Best wishes.

[Minoush]

Finally admitted to my health visitor who is gonna look into getting me help and talk to my GP. While I had the momentum and the tissues at ready I got my Mum over and told her as well. Feel like a weight off my chest.

[Selks]

Very well done. Onwards and upwards now.