Any remedies for negativity in a person?

[Elefriend]

Having a conversation with my mum on fb chat and its winding me up so much, shes so negative, i have always been more like the mum figure and it annoys me, ive confronted her about her negativity and she says she cant help it, i suggested she tries and changes it coz it affects things more than she knows, i said there must be a book she could read and she asked me which book but i have no clue

if i think back, im sure her nagative way has affected me growing up and even in my adult life

can anyone help at all?

[madmouse]

Well I don't think the way you phrased things will have helped much! It annoys you? There must be a book she can read? FFS how much more dismissive can you get? And you seem more interested in how she's not the mum you want rather than what is going on for her.

If you are interested in her you could sit down with her in person and see how she feels. Whether there are any signs of depression or whether she is just a half empty person.

[Earthymama]

Mad mouse, I'm sure OP is truly concerned; the dynamics of mother/daughter relationships can seem odd to outsiders. Not everyone knows the appropriate language of self help and psychology.
OP,I live with someone with mental health issues who takes a negative view of everything. I achieved something momentous (for me) in my life yesterday and it happened again, I had to be brought down to earth, told the reality of the situation.
It makes you doubt yourself and sucks the joy from life.
I would look at the threads in Mental Health for advice. You need to meet face to face with your mum and talk to her about it. A visit to the doctors and maybe a chance for her to talk to someone will help.
Good luck

[dottyspotty2]

I'm probably the same always have been my DD1 tells me off for putting myself down as do my sisters and DH,its not something I do intentionly its just part of who I am and what life has thrown at me. Saying that my DD's and the rest of my family have a fantastic relationship apart from this. Just a little more understanding is what you need.

[Elefriend]

I dont think i need to be judged quite ad much on this one thread, im refering to madhouse here.

The reason i was asking anout a book is so that she can do that for herself, i dont feel its my place or that its my place to support her, i have my own problems to deal with (some of which i think have been caused by my upbringing), why shoukd i do everything for her, she doesnt for me, shes says shes there but ive always been more of the mum role and its wrong. Her reasoning for the negativity is that she got it from her dad and thats it, no more explaination. Shes had 2 failed marriages, numerous bad relationships and i feel like ive gad to be there to mop ip all the mess, her current bf shes been with anout 8 months and i havent met him yet, i dont want to, i just cant get my head round it.

Thank u for the other replies, i only had a quick read as on my fone but will have a proper read later when on laptop

[madmouse]

It's up to you to feel judged. You do not have to take on board one iota of what I say. I am however not judging you as much as asking you to look at how you come across to your mum and what your motivations are for wanting her to change.

My advice stands - if you are concerned sit down with her in person and ask her how she feels.

[Elefriend]

what do u mean how i come across to my mum, its coz of her how i am myself, she should be responsible and should have been when i was growing up to not pass this onto me, i want her to change coz shes not doing herself any favours, she moans to me about her life etc but everything that is happening in it is due to the fact of her own actions, she never learns from things, always thinks shes hard done by but will moan about it rather than look at things and work out what to do to change it, its like shes waiting for someone (prob me) to come along and do it all for her, well i cant, i have my own life and my own family, shes a grown woman that needs to sort things for herself, i will be there for her but im not gonna be her life coach, ive spent majority of my life giving her advice and telling her what i think she should do etc and thats wrong in itself, it should of been the other way round

most girls/woman when they need something or if they are ill want their mum but i dont and never have and that speaks volumes, it hurts me to say that but its how i feel

[madmouse]

It sounds like you would do your self a favour by focusing on how you can make your own life a fulfilling one regardless of your mother, maybe deal with the pain she caused you in your childhood and the damage it has done to you with some counselling and work out how you are going to move forward in your own life. It's very unusual for anyone to become happier by trying to change someone else. Spend your energy on you.