Ok, this will be a long one!
Background...I'm 28, I have been with DP for 12 years and we have three DDs together (5, 2 and 1 month). As a child I was physically and emotionally abused by my ex-Step father from the age of 2 to 18 when I moved in with DP and my Mum left him. Without being specific, the physical abuse was severe and resulted in social service being involved when I was about 9. He then stopped the physical abuse but the emotional abuse became much worse and I would rather he had kept up the physical side.
For me, the fallout has not actually been too bad. I stood up to him and scared him (he was a coward) aged 17 which put most of it to rest and my DP has always been an amazing support. So, now the issues I am left with 10 years on are a tendency to cry if anyone raises their voice to me and anxiety related to authority figures.
So, my childhood (& DP's, he wasn't actively abused but his parents are very very cold) has led us down a very 'alternative' (silly word but ykwim!) parenting path. We are hippy parents who AP and home ed, I have bf them all for years etc etc
The actual issue (if anyone is still with me!) is my health visitor. She turned up uninvited over the summer doing a 'safeguarding check' because 'no one has seen the children'. She was referring to the fact that I hadn't been to a HV since DD2 was a baby, we had seen the GP/hospital as needed. I found this visit and the insinuations very stressful and was a bit of a mess for a few weeks afterwards.
So, she is now my HV for DD3 and if it didn't sound silly I would have titled this post 'I think my HV is causing postnatal depression' I find her visits cause me so much anxiety, I am permanently scared and weepy. She asks lots of questions about Home ed, about how often I take the DDs out (not much at the moment, but I am making sure their friends come round here lots!) and the result is that I am terrified of her next visit.
Normally, I find visits from official people (I'm fine with me going to see them, it is having them in my space that I find difficult) stressful, I get butterflies and tend to be a more shouty Mum before hand as I try to keep the house tidy, but it has never been as bad as this.
Any thoughts? Ideas on how to cope?
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Mental health
Anxiety and HV
15 replies
msbuggywinkle · 09/01/2012 11:30
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