I think my husband is depressed

[fannybanjo]

Well I know he is, he's gone out at the moment but he's sinking each day and I'm very worried. I've just made an appointment for us to go to the GP later and I'm thinking I should maybe go in with him as support? My hearts breaking to see the man I love suffering in his head and he can't vocalise to me how he feels as I don't think he knows why.

Can anyone give me some advice as to the best way to deal with this?

[reckoner]

I've been on both sides. DH and I are both depressed and were in the same situation years ago too. We're both on ADs. I am starting yet more counselling.

Seeing the GP is a good first step.
When DH realised he was depressed in April, he started guitar lessons. It really helped him to distract himself and focus on something.
'Mind over mood' is a good book which uses Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. But DH only scanned through it whereas I actively did the exercises and worked through it.
Just be there, listen, making sure he eats and sleeps well, takes any tablets if prescribed etc.

[fannybanjo]

thanks reckoner for replying - I am sorry you both are suffering.

Some people can focus their attention onto a hobby and their anxieties or depression is somehow made more tolerable but then others, tend to sink. DH seems to be the latter at the moment but then he needs help to lift him out of it. I think it must depend on your personality. DH's business has practically failed and this is making everything worse as at the moment, he has no 9-5 to focus on. He has started giving dog training lessons which helps but still not enough to take his mind off his problems.

What concerns me is that when I spoke to my GP last year about suffering from anxiety, she said "Well it's not depression, people who are depressed cannot get out of bed." Very bad advice I thought, because, of course people who are depressed get out of bed. I hope this GP is more sympathetic.

[fannybanjo]

I suppose he just needs to know he has support from me. Doesn't help that he has nobody else as his family are useless. Part of the reason for the depression. I'm dreading him coming back as I will have to tell him we are going to see the GP. Hope he realises that it is worse than he thinks.

[reckoner]

I had similar comments from a GP but have now changed to a different one in the same surgery and she is much more understanding. She even held my hand as I talked about emotional stuff.
Good luck with the appointment.

[reckoner]

How did it go?

[fannybanjo]

Thanks for asking. . He wouldn't go I'm going to have good chat with him tonight and see if he thinks he can pull himself up with just my help. If not, then I'll insist for everyone's sake, he visits the GP. Hard isn't it?

[pointydog]

Have you told him you're finding things hard and you really want him to go to the GP and you will go with him? He really should go and you should be there too.

[reckoner]

Aww sorry to hear he didn't go. Men are more reluctant to visit the GP with mental health issues apparently. I hope you have a good chat with him. Good luck.

[pointydog]

There's a good chance he won't be able to pull himself up just with y our help. And in the process, what happens to you? I'd keep pressing about the GP.

[fannybanjo]

Thanks for your kindness. He seems more upbeat today but I think he's going to see GP which is good. I think he's worried that he'll get upset.

[scottishmummy]

Sorry for your troubles,do accompany him to gp.it's sometimes hard to speak up and find the words.try writing stuff down if feel too overwhelming
Has there been any significant triggers/events?
Is this first presentation
Encouragingly most mh and depression is treated in community with good results.and your dh will benefit from your support,but do keep wee eye on yourself too
Good luck