Scared I am depressed again...feel like a failure.

[DirtyBat]

I don't know what to do.

I'm miserable all the time. I'm Tired and moody and just fed up.
I have DD 5mo, I love her to bits, and don't feel like I'm struggling with her at all, except for maybe the lack of sleep, but it's not too bad.
I do feel crap because I don't ebf, she's a big baby so has 3 bottles of formula a day. I see other mums who only breastfeed and just feel like I should've tried harder and just fed her constantly when I had the chance.

I'm at uni, not having any problems there, enjoying being able to exercise my brain again.

At home I just feel like it's out of control. My house is too small, there's stuff everywhere. It's never tidy all at the same time.

DP is doing a piece of work for uni that he should have handed in in MAY, before DD was even born but he didn't bother doing it, then got a last minute extension, failed again and got given another chance. He's now got until Friday before he gets kicked off his second year. I've given him endless help with it but it's still hanging over us, I just want it done with.

I've got no self confidence. I'm overweight, no matter how hard I try to eat properly it doesn't change, so I just give up. Doesn't help that bf is causing me to be starving half the time, but I don't get the chance to eat properly during the day, I just have to grab what is there.
I don't feel like having sex any more. Partly because the minipill has given me constant bleeding [seen doc today, told me to stop taking it], but mainly because when I see myself I just look disgusting. I'm crying even thinking about it.

I have horrible stretch marks, on my tummy, which I'm not too bothered about, but on my arms and legs as well, so even when it's been boiling I've had leggings and a cardi on to cover them up.


I just feel like absolute crap within myself, but I don't want to go back on anti-depressants [was on citalopram before I fell pregnant with DD]. I just wish I was different. I feel like I've failed, I had all these big ambitions and now I feel like nothing.

Help?

[Chocattack]

You're definitely not a failure - you just have a lot on your plate. I understand you not wanting to go back on ads. Have you considered counselling? You say you are at uni. When I was at uni (many, many years ago!) there was a free counselling service. Have you looked into whether your uni has anything like this? It might help you put things into perspective and work on your self-esteem. Just a thought. Hope you feel better soon.

[DirtyBat]

Thanks for replying, I'll see if there's a counselling service. It's hard to put it into words verbally though. So much easier to write it down.