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I don't think my ADs are working. I am on a real downer and have had enough.

(30 Posts)
TheOriginalFAB Fri 19-Aug-11 12:36:06

Really really down and suicidal.

madmouse Fri 19-Aug-11 13:00:04

FAB be straight - are you or aren't you suicidal.

thestringcheeseincident Fri 19-Aug-11 13:02:06

If you are feeling suicidal call the Samaritans on 08457 90 90 90

GRW Fri 19-Aug-11 13:15:21

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Is there anyone around you who you can call to be with you? Perhaps making a GP appointment and talking about medication and other support will help.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 19-Aug-11 13:15:52

I am but I know I can't do anything about it.

Upwardandonward Fri 19-Aug-11 13:27:48

If you type in your county and crisis service in to Google, you might be able to phone them direct (or it'll say to ring your GP).

If it's an emergency, go to A&E please.

madmouse Fri 19-Aug-11 13:56:05

The fact that you know you have to stick around doesn't make it hurt any less or take away the wanting to be dead. Who can you call? Do you have a CPN? Crisis team?

TheOriginalFAB Fri 19-Aug-11 15:31:38

I have just had a sleep. I am making lasagne now and DH and I have planned what we will all do tomorrow. Before I slept I read a parenting book to try and be a better parent.

I have no CPN. I was given a number once but when I rang it the first thing they said was I could only talk to them for 20 minutes and it had taken a lot longer than that to p0luck up the courage to ring.

madmouse - what you have said just tells me you are the first person ever to understand me.

natsyloo Fri 19-Aug-11 21:52:33

It sounds to me like you need some more support. It also sounds like you need to go easy on yourself (I know that's easier said than done). AM sure you're a great parent, you're just having a really rubbish time at the moment and are unwell. It's an illness so it's not something unfortunately you can just will yourself out of.

Please try again to ask for more help. I know it's hard - really hard, but the more support you have the less desperate you'll feel. x

madmouse Fri 19-Aug-11 22:02:01

FAB I've been in that place of wanting to be dead and actually a step beyond. There are many more on here that know how it feels. You are never alone.

Forget reading parenting books - this is not the time to embark on projects, you are doing fine.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 19-Aug-11 22:22:52

madmouse - I am going to spill how I really feel in the next post so you can ignore if you want but I need to get it out.

TheOriginalFAB Fri 19-Aug-11 22:25:00

I had a serious suicide attempt last year and still feel pissed off that it didn't work as I know I can't ever try again.

I shouldn't have had children and had them for the wrong reasons.

I expect them to show me how to be a mum and to want to behave. I expect them to change as I don't know, no, I don't have the energy to think straight.

I need a week of rest but isn't going to happen.

Lougle Fri 19-Aug-11 22:48:34

Fab, it doesn't matter why you had children, they are here now.

If you are feeling suicidal, you need to take action and get emergency help right now.

If you are just wishing you could get to a truly suicidal feeling (I suspect you know the difference), then you need to be kind to yourself, and get some help.

But whatever you are feeling, you are important, and you can get through this time.

TheOriginalFAB Sat 20-Aug-11 08:26:51

Thank you.

I have made the decision that I need to see my doctor to discuss my medication but how can I do that with the children off school?

madmouse Sat 20-Aug-11 08:42:31

Well if you really must you take them, I did recently as dh at to take me to out of hours and wanted to be in with me as I was in a state - was fine, he's not scarred for life.

But I'm sure there is someone, the mother of one of their friends or whatever who will say yes when you say can you mind them for half an hour I need to see the doctor.

TheOriginalFAB Sat 20-Aug-11 08:46:59

Do I go to out of hours today to see a doctor who doesn't know me, or have access to my records, or wait until Monday?

Lougle Sat 20-Aug-11 09:15:34

I think you need to see someone, and seeing someone today doesn't mean you can't also see your GP on Monday smile

madmouse Sat 20-Aug-11 09:17:20

How realistic is it to wait until Monday? Will you be a lot worse by Monday? Are you safe this weekend or will you end up self-harming or worse? You could say you contact OOH when you get worse but often when you get worse you end up not looking after yourself at all and thinking there is no point in seeking help. Maybe if you are motivated now to seek help that will be the best thing to do. If you explain that you have children to look after and have really felt that you wanted to be dead they should be happy enough to see you. Take your current medication with you.

TheOriginalFAB Sat 20-Aug-11 09:22:17

I want to die sometimes but I don't think I would ever try.

I had some devastating news in June and stroked scissors across my wrist but I couldn't cut or anything.

DH is here and we had planned to watch him canoeing and have a picnic once ds1 has finished his tutoring at 11.

I need to go and talk to dh now I think.

GRW Sat 20-Aug-11 19:18:56

I hope you found some support today from your dh and others. Thinking of you and I hope that things get better soon.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Sat 20-Aug-11 19:21:24

Fab I saw on another thread you had to go to hospital with one of the dc today. Why on earth did you not get yourself seen to as well?

TheOriginalFAB Sat 20-Aug-11 19:26:33

I never thought of it. I was so worried about DS1. I have been okay today. I am going to see the GP about my tablets as they are too rigid with when I have to take them and if I don't, I crash.

madmouse Sat 20-Aug-11 20:18:24

FAB going by a conversation we had on another thread of yours recently it is worth asking if you can specifically have something with a longer half life as the hl of yours is very short.

TheOriginalFAB Sat 20-Aug-11 20:19:59

That is what I mean, madmouse. I can't manage with a dip that instant when I take the tablets a bit later. When the children are back at school I can take them anywhere between 8-12 though I have put them in my bedroom so I see them when I go to get my bra out and then take them straight away.

CheeseandGherkins Sat 20-Aug-11 20:37:07

Could you set an alarm on your phone so that it reminds you to take them at the same time each day?

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