I am so ill with anxiety that I get completely obsessed with the pros and cons of every goddamn decision I have to make and then beat myself up mercilessly when I think I have made the wrong choice. I think its about feeling out of control and having lost faith in myself to get things "right". I have always been an anxious/ depressive person but my problems have skyrocketed since I became pregnant 18 months ago.
I have had years of therapy, am on 3 different types of medication and have spent time in a mother and baby unit for several weeks earlier this year. I can't take much more of being like this and nor can my relationship. I feel physically sick and my head buzzes with anxiety for the whole time I am awake and I can't possibly imagine sleeping without medication. Sometimes I can't even swallow food, sometimes I binge. I have an amazing, beautiful son and although he is well loved and looked after and always has been I can't even enjoy being his mother a lot of the time because I am so bloody anxious.
This is totally crippling my life. I go on and on to my poor dp about whatever my current obsession is, and also seek the approval of other people about things that are frankly, none of their business, such as how I spend my time and money. I feel like a frightened child, lost and scared and alone. I often feel like my head is going to explode.
And I don't know how to make all this stop even though its destroying me.
Does anyone out there relate to this at all?
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Mental health
chronic indecision/ anxiety/ obsessive thinking is ruining my life. Does anyone else relate to this?
racingmind · 07/08/2011 21:01
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