I think my depression is back and I don't know how to deal with it

[Saltire]

I am so fed up, tired, crying all the time. I work sometimes as much as 50/55 hours a week, with no or very little break during the day. I get no lunch break, or tea break or able to go to the loo. I have a mindee who screams andscreeches and sticks to me like a limpet, who can make themselves sick if I move 2 cm away from them, I have one who refuses to eat anything I make and only wants to live on cheesy wotsits and rich tea and throws everything else across the room,yesterday it was tinned ravioli which was hurled the length of living room then he hit me while I was taking him out high chair, same child (who isn't 2 yet) has the most awful tantrums. had one for 30 mintues yesterday full on screaming because I wouldn't let him have the house phone to play with.

The house is a complete shit tip. There are piles of washing to washed, piles to be folded and sorted for ironing. I haven't cleaned the upstairs bathroom for more than a week.
I want to leave DH. i want out, we live in a village on a military base. its so small that everyone knows ifyou fart, and I ahve this real feeling of boredom and anger with the MOD /military/ this place at the mintue.
Dh is IMO being very selfish and unreasonable, he stormed out in a huff last night because I amde a comment on facebook about being knocked off my feet by"manic kids on bikes on the way to school". That's exactly what I wrote, he stormed off, telling me "If I stay here with you another minute then it'll be dangerous" I interpreted that as threat. There ar elots of other issues with how I feel towards DH at the minute and things he's said - thats half the problem how he says things.

I also am sick to the back teeth of being in pain, sick of the DSes arguing and bickering and moaning.

I just want to pack a bag a go

[thumbwitch]

Oh Saltire, that's rotten! Sounds like you're having a really hard time, worn out and stressed to the back teeth with your mindees (who sound very difficult, to be fair - are they SN or just naughty?)

WTF is going on with your DH's head though - he's taking stuff way too personally if he thinks your FB comment is a problem!

Can you take some time off of everything? Just go away for the weekend to a friend/family? Or would your DH interpret that as you "leaving for good"?

And btw, I think most people woudl find your current shitload depressing - so it's not necessarily your biochemistry that's playing up.

[WhollyGhost]

2nd the suggestion to get away for a break. Leave any big decisions until afterwards, when you've had a chance to get some perspective.

not meaning to defend your DH but it must be tough for him too - it is tough for the partner of anyone with depression. I know my DH has sometimes struggled with mine.

My advice:

get away for a bit

stay off facebook - it is full of people showing off, it is bad for the soul

if you are going to stay, try flylady to help give structure to laundry etc, without the pressure of getting it perfect, or all sorted overnight

read "playful parenting" - I don't think it has anything that would be directly useful to the problems you're having with your mindees and dses, but I found it incredibly helpful when trying to cope with parenting despite my depression. The book reminded me of other ways of dealing with dc, and that it could all be fun.

[Saltire]

I ahd a 2 day break planned for just the 2 of us in July, but had to cancel as he wa meant to be away, but then it got cancelled so i re-booked it. he's now refusing to go saying I just want him there to "babysit your kids" (they are ours not jsut mine) and we'd need to leave them at my mums and he seems to think that it's all a ploy to get him there to babysit while I go out with my mates

[Saltire]

Thumbwitch. one child has(IMO, as he's nearly 2 yet says no words at all) speech delay, but clearly understnads what he's being asked "bring me the red block" etc. But he's a very naughty child
He ahs, so far this week jammed the dvd player, pulled the living room and dining room curtains down, broken the blinds, fucked up the pc. I never sit down when i have him, constantly taking him away from things, but he just laughs, literally laughs and goes back again and again and again> if I remove him from the object he kicks and screams and this can goon for up to 30 mintues.

[thumbwitch]

Christ on a bike, he sounds like REALLY hard work! Is he like this with his parents as well??

(And have you dropped off FB? Or just done a cull? You're not on my list any more :()

Sounds like your DH has some Ishoos going on. Are things generally not good with the two of you at the moment, or is it mostly the MOD situation that's causing the stress?

[thumbwitch]

OK - back to your thread title - have you been to the GP yet to discuss it? Or are you hoping to avoid medication?

[Saltire]

Thumbwitch - taking a break from facebook. There's a whole laod of other issues too! regarding FB