I don't know where to turn

[SydSaid]

I've namechanged for this.

I'm sitting here in tears. I have done very little this entire weekend. My children, thankfully, have been at their dads.

I feel so pathetic. Now, when everything should be sorted, I feel worse than ever. This should have been me three years ago, when everything was going wrong, but I coped then. Now, my life should be back on track. I've left my deadbeat ex, have a lovely new house, got away from the crap (bullying - not me, but a friend of mine, but I got silent treatment because she was a friend of mine) at my old job and it's been over two years since my dad died. So why do I feel worse than ever?

I don't really have anyone to speak to. I had one good friend here, that was going through a hard time and I did my best to support her through it, made sure she knew I was there if she ever needed to talk, but didn't crowd her, gave her the space she needed. As soon as I need to talk the comment was 'it's not all about you, you know', and I haven't heard from her since.

I don't know how I move on from here. I feel so stupid for being like this, because everything should be ok, but it's not.

[SydSaid]

Just to clarify, the last of those events was a year and a half ago. Every time I think I am on top of things it all falls in bits again.

[shodatin]

Sorry to hear life is so unhappy just now, when you've dealt with so much stuff earlier, but sometimes it works like that and anti-depressants can still be useful . Apart from the dcs, (and possibly your job), is there anything or anyone which is a positive pleasure in your life?

[SydSaid]

My job is unfulfilling and dull. I do have some great colleagues, but they are colleagues rather than friends. The one friend I can rely on lives too far away and is going through too much herself at the moment for me to burden her (new baby and moving house).

There is one thing that I used to go to regularly that I haven't been too pretty much since my dad died. I just don't know if I can face all those people at once.

I wonder if it is hormonal? I just got my period today. It has been bad now for about two weeks. Hopefully I'll see a difference soon.

[SydSaid]

Whats worrying me a lot at the moment is the potential effect on my kids. I think I have managed to hide how I am feeling from them, but their dad was a bit of a waster, although he is a better influence on them now. They are teenagers, and I don't want them to lose their teenage years to the misery of their mother, when it should be the most exciting time of their life.

[shodatin]

Hope you do feel better soon, and am sure hormones won't have improved things. Such a shame your friend is having problems herself, but I think you do need to talk to someone and hopefully get some help putting your life back together after losing your father and your other friend. Mind charity are really helpful, different in other areas, as some offer counselling, or short courses or a befriending service depending where you live, so I recommend starting with a phone call to them to find what's on offer. Hope you find them useful, I did.