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still struggling after 10 yrs

(7 Posts)
whatshappened Wed 01-Jun-11 23:11:17

sorry if this is in wrong place.

sorry if this long it has been bottled up for many yrs.

when i was 14 i was (what i call) raped by my then boyfriend we were in a non sexual relationship sex was never mentioned we hadnt even kissed.
it happen when i had stupidly fell asleep on his bed with a room full of our friends, i woke up to a pain down there and saw him on top of me half naked and i was half naked too,he then jumped off and laughed and handed me my knickers. i then grabbed my clothes and put them on and ran home i was to embaressed to tell my grandparents that i live with about it .
the next day i went and told a friend and asked her to take me to get the MAP. when i got to school the teaches caught my skipping and callen me into the offfice and i had to tell them they then called grandparents and told them i was then seen by police and then i moved away from my grandparents and lived with my mum as the boy lived in same street.

it never went further and i dont know why im to embaressed to ask gps why,

i thought i had got over it and got on with my life i have a lovely dp and 2 gorgeous dc but it has just hit me like a brick .

he is now on facebook and now has a wife and 3 dc 2 girls and i so want to ask him why he did it and why he had to ruin my life and hurt me so bad i had to move away from my friends and family at the point of life when i needed them most why cant i get past this and how i dont want it to ruin anymore of my life .

EveryonesJealousOfGingers Wed 01-Jun-11 23:22:56

So you have never had any help for what happened to you at all? It was not 'what I call' rape, it was rape pure and simple. Your experience has been brushed under the carpet and this has led to you doubting the validity of what happened to you. There are (sadly) lots of amazing MNers who have had similar experiences who will be able to give you great advice, and I don't know much about it but I would say you need to go to your doctor and get referred for counselling asap. This is a massive load to carry on your own.

EveryonesJealousOfGingers Wed 01-Jun-11 23:23:31

PS block him on facebook, and (((hugs)))

whatshappened Wed 01-Jun-11 23:31:33

thank you
im not on facebook as such i use my partners so he cant find me i dont think he would but just in case i dont tell other people that though, i cant but look at his facebook and i piss myself off because of it.
i dont know if i could talk to someone in RL about it because they will see my weakness and i have to be strong .

madmouse Thu 02-Jun-11 10:14:37

What weakness do you think they will see? You sound very strong to me but we all have weaknesses and it is a part of being human.

You definitely need some support with this. You were as the previous poster said raped, full pure and simple. And it seems that all the adults around you pretended that it had not happened which is extremely damaging to a child. (And a 14 year old is still very much a child!).

You have nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of. None of this was your fault. You didn't ask for it, you didn't want it, you didn't invite it. It was a crime against you. And unless he was 5 years younger than you, which I doubt, he could have been prosecuted for it. You were the victim and you are still suffering. You deserve better. And you will be able to feel so much better too after you've talked about this. Maybe with a counsellor who will keep your confidence and not judge.

madmouse Thu 02-Jun-11 11:53:08

But posting on here is a good first step to take - well done. You deserve to be heard about this

And do block him on your partner's facebook - for no other reason than that you won't need to see him anymore...

whatshappened Thu 02-Jun-11 21:34:54

thank you
been feeling a bit rough today as i didnt sleep to well last night and dont think im going to sleep well tonight either feel really bad as iv been snapping at the dc today it not there fault and they dont understand i havent even spoke to dp about how im feeling he knows what happened but i dont talk to him about it,
i
i dont know if any of you know how i can find out why it didnt go to court as i feel if i know why then i might help .

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