Having a hard time at the moment and spoiled DDs day today

[backonthechaingang]

As title says - I feel really bad just now. Started about a month ago, can't really pinpoint the trigger but having a tough time at work and problems with my relationship with DH which seem to have affected everything else.

Self esteem is very low and I feel old, fat and worthless

Had a similar episode two years ago, had some counselling paid for by work and got through it eventually. I contemplated going to my GP to ask for anti-depressants but didn't and managed to get things back on track without them. At the time I didn't think I was depressed although the counsellor said I probably was.

Things came to a bit of a head today, been a really hectic week and been really looking forward to time off. Didn't really sleep well and DD woke me up early. Ended up telling DD off(I thought she was being rude and cheeky - she's not usually like that) and ended up in tears. Tried to hide it from DD but she came upstairs and I broke down, feel awful as children shouldn't see their mum cry for no good reason . I've just watched the Royal Wedding Highlights and now feel awful that in years to come DD.will remember it as the day mum cried

This afternoon I did actually try to phone my GP to make an appointment for next week but stupidly forgot they'd be closed until Tuesday

Now I don't know what to do, should I see the GP next week? I've had more time to think about it and don't know if I want to go on ADs - bit scared of side affects/not being able to come off them etc.

[backonthechaingang]

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[madmouse]

sounds like it would be a good idea to go to the GP, tell them how you feel and discuss the options, including your fears.

And if this is the first time your dds have seen you cry you've taken a long time. My ds has seen me very upset very often when I had PTSD and he is a total sunshine child, 3 years old and with a great ability to sense moods and give hugs. No harm done.

[Aislingorla]

It is not a bad thing for children to see their parents cry. It's important that they learn to express their emotions not supress them.

[backonthechaingang]

Hi, thanks for replying!

Madmouse I've seen your posts before, your DS sounds lovely. I think I will go to the GP next week. I'm stupidly worrying about taking time off work but I know that's silly and I need to see the bigger picture. I think I'm suffering from anxiety too

Aislingorla I hadn't thought of it like that before, thank you.

I feel a bit better today, maybe because the sun is out! just felt so miserable last night. it's a bit scary how quickly my mood has changed and I feel as if I don't know when I'll feel rubbish again

[NanaNina]

Hi BCG - sorry to hear you are feeling so low, and anxious. I am still trying to recover from a major episode of depression last Easter - can go ages feeling ok and then along comes a blip or setback as the medics call it and down I go again.

I of course am not able to say whether you have depression or not, but it could be very mild depression. The word that you used that made me think that was "worthless" because this is most certainly a symptom of depression as is bouts of crying, but then again these could be symptoms of your self esteem being low at the moment. How old is your DD by the way. I agree with other posters, our children have to know that adults do get upset sometimes, the main thing is that she sees you pick up from the low mood. Please don't think this is going to traumatise her for life because it isn't honestly.

I think an appt with an empathetic GP would be a good idea.
It may be that you don't need ADs. Most GPs have a score sheet - they ask you questions about your symptoms e.g. are you sad - some days/most days/everyday sort of thing and then they add up your score. It's a bit of blunt instrument in my opinion but do be honest with the GP, and hope you get whatever help you need.

There is lots of support on the MH threads as you probably alread know.