19yr old - what is all this a sign of??

[BooBearBoo]

Only got a minute to post but I am very very worried about my brother.

Will list signs/symptoms:

• very very intelligent (As/A*s GCSE)
  
• tipped for Oxford, dropped out of college just before exams
  
• obsessed with alcohol
  
• drug taking - got a police caution aged 14 but continues and getting worse
  
• suicidal thoughts, been to top of building
  
• goes to bed during day, turns phone off
  
• gets into fights (due to alcohol?)
  
• cannot stick with any job
  
• doesn't put money aside for important things, goes on drink/going out.
  

Do you think this is depression or something "worse"??

I am so sorry if using the wrong language/terms but I have absolutely zero experience of mental illness.

Please let me know if you need any further info.

[madmouse]

it's a sign of a serious problem which could be anything from extreme fear of failure to depression to abuse to another mental illness

without knowing more about him that's impossible to say. is he willing to get any help?

[hellymelly]

He does sound depressed,certainly.Does he have periods of more hyper reckless behaviour? Is he at all delusional ? The drug taking is particularly worrying combined with the depression.He sounds as though he really needs help-I would call MIND and ask for their advice, they are very helpful .

[BeakerTheMuppetMuppet]

Lots of the things you describe here are 'normal' for some young men this age - well they are in my limited experience. By this I mean not saving money, not sticking to jobs and sleeping all day

Obviously the excessive alcohol and then drug use is a worry, what do you mean by 'caution at 14 but getting worse ' - has he been arrested again? Which drugs is he using?

But you are a fab sister for asking questions before going in heavy-handed trying to tell him how to 'cure' his problems

[BooBearBoo]

Not sure if willing to get help.

Periods of hyper-reckless behaviour sounds very very accurate.

I don't think he is delusional no - what sort of delusions do you mean?

Thank you for the reference to MIND, I will look them up.

[BooBearBoo]

Hi Beaker - yes as I was typing I was thinking to myself that some of this is normal for a 19 year old!

He doesn't sleep all day, that is not what I meant. For example, yesterday, he walked off a job (he is in a trade now) because he didnt have the right tool and went home and went to bed and turned his phone off.

Re drug use - the caution was for cannabis. Pretty sure he is using everything now (except crack and heroin) ecstasy, speed, everything. I have seen google searches for various opiates you can make into tea as well - it is almost as if he is trying to find ANY form of escape from reality. It almost obsesses him.

[BooBearBoo]

Not been arrested since for drug use (as far as I know). Possibly arrested for violence - he often gets thrown out of places and I know he is banned from various pubs/clubs.

It is tragic. He is so clever it is scary. He can cite reams of Edgar Allen Poe and can understand Fermat's last theorem. He almost thinks TOO much. Typical genius/insanity???????

[ThatVikRinA22]

when did the unusual behaviours start? at what age?

was he ever assessed for anything during school?

[BooBearBoo]

No never assessed at school - he was seen as very bright. He never attended his final year and my mum home schooled him (he was getting into too much trouble) - he still got the best GCSEs in the year.

Difficult to pin-point when started but I would say about 13. Strange as he was always such a cautious child. Very cautious, very shy and nervous and risk averse.

[BeakerTheMuppetMuppet]

i take it he lives either with you or you have very regular contact with him?

my gut reaction is that his primary 'problem' is his substance mis-use which is altering his perception and outlook. it's self-perpetuating - he handles a RL situation badly so turns to various substances as a comfort, then because of his substance mis-use, his RL situations are skewed and distorted......

is he aware you think he has a problem?

[BooBearBoo]

He has moved back in with my parents today having only moved back out a week ago (precipitated by the disappearing and turning his phone off incident). I speak to my mum every day so learn about everything that way.

He knows we are all very worried about the substance abuse. I dont think he knows we are starting to worry about his mental health.

I agree it is the primary problem. He is at his worse as far as the depression goes immediately after a big "bender".

[colditz]

It's a sign of alcoholism, maybe triggered by depression, but maybe a cause of it.

[BeakerTheMuppetMuppet]

Often, people who use drugs/alcohol to extreme will only change when they need to, for their own reasons. For some this is when a relationship breaks down, they lose their home, they get into unmanageable debt are some examples.

You sound like a very close and caring family, but, and you probably will not want to read this..if the drugs and drink is the cause of his irrational behaviour (i'm just a parent who's seen a lot, not an expert, so this may be wide of the mark) then you need to get tough with him.
Tell him that you will not enable his lifestyle any longer.
Do not chase after him if he turns his phone off.
If he loses his job, do not 'lend' him money.
Do not remind him of what he could have been - if he's depressed then this may feed his need for escape into a bottle.

I have to go now, but i can PM you some numbers i have used in the past, to get support for YOU and the other members of the family.

And how to get your brother back on the road again

hth

[hellymelly]

I asked about the hyper /reckless behaviour because bipolar could be an issue.By delusions i meant does he seem psychotic ever (hearing voices/seeing things) ? drug use can trigger psychotic episodes / schizophrenia and he is the right age for this. But it is hard to separate issues as the drugs and booze will on their own be having a huge impact on his moods and behaviour. If he was a shy child perhaps he is using them to prop him up and help him function socially? Does he have any friends? Try calling MIND asap and they will ask you more appropriate questions to build up a picture of him and point you towards help.What a lovely sister you are,you must be so worried.

[ThatVikRinA22]

i am wondering if he is using alcohol/drugs to cover or mask something else, many kids who drop out of school and end up on the wrong side of the law have special needs of some description

you say he can recite reams and reams of text - is it word perfect? is his memory amazing? is his IQ very high but seem to lack common sense? how is he at socialising? what are his social skills like? friends? girlfriends? or does he seem isolated - did he seem isolated before the drink/drugs?

sorry for the Qs but it could well be relevant

[ThatVikRinA22]

sounds a bit more than depression to me - although many people with special needs use alcholol to mask how they feel and do end up with depression.

my son is an adult - also 19, he has asperger syndrome. he is very bright, obsessional (his obsession though is computer programming) but he did lose his way a bit just before he left school, got a bit depressed and stressed, still doesnt sleep at night, can during the day though, he has an almost photographic memory for detail,( but cant remember what happened yesterday), has a high IQ, (taught himself computer programming at 11)

i know people will groan and go that old chestnut, but i really think your brother sounds like he has an underlying issue that is being masked by the alchol and drug taking.
lots of youngsters who feel "different" end up turning to drink or drugs, and a very high percentage of kids with aspergers and similar who dont get diagnosed end up depressed, misusing substances or in the prison system.

[BooBearBoo]

For those who asked about social skills - he is very sociable, has lots of friends, has one girlfriend the other (he is very handsome!), was even engaged until recently.

I am familiar with bipolar and I agree that he can be very much like this.

Definitely not delusional if that is what you meant.

He has a very good memory and can recite things word perfect. I remember when he was about 4 or 5 he memorised the glossary at the back of one of my french textbooks. It was amazing!

[BooBearBoo]

*one girlfriend after the other

[ThatVikRinA22]

well whatever it is - he needs to get shut of the drugs and booze before anyone can help him.

[hellymelly]

Could you talk to him about this? He may be frightened by his own feelings and not know how to get back on track. 19 is really hard I think,you so want to be a proper adult but its all quite overwhelming,I think its easy to go adrift at that age,when parents are a bit more limited in what they can do.

[ThatVikRinA22]

maryz i was thinking the same - DS also has AS, but i also thought that nothing can be assessed until the booze and drugs are out of the picture.

[ThatVikRinA22]

agreed maryz - i was always on the lookout for signs of depression in DS, he was dx at 7, and i know that depression is much more likely in kids with a "difference" so i was all over it.

luckily ds seems sorted - the only issue we have with him is a complete recklessness with money. (which is bad enough!)

but the problem is once they are using drugs/booze the underlying issue is harder to see.

[vintagewarrior]

I know it's a little late, but just seen this post. This sounds very much like me at that age. I am 90% certain I have Bi Polar 2.
I have spent a large part of my adult life struggling, self medicating in exactly the same way as your brother. The drugs and the relationships at times very Kerry Katona!! But I have also done really well career wise, am popular, and hardly anyone knows. I am described as 'intense' by people!! I learnt to deal with it, look for changes in behaviour etc, and work for myself so I can be versatile. My ex DP is still a great support, but i choose not to speak to my doctor about it, or take medication. Since becoming a mum, it initially got worse, but now seems to be bit better. I eat well, keep active, and don't beat myself up for taking to my bed for a few days, and actually love the hyper episodes as I tend to work hard and clean the house rather than spend a fortune or go on drug binges.

I am not recommending this method for anyone, but at 19, and actually til about 26 I was just like your brother, and I am sure everyone thought I was a nightmare, and would never amount to anything.

It was a relief when I realised I wasn't a horrid druggie tart!! But quite poorly and un diagnosed.

I hope your brother seeks help if he feels he needs it, if I were you, I'd write him a letter, voicing your concerns, but offering your continued love and support. I would have really appreciated that.