Is my post natal depression ruining my marriage or is it just me?

[Clione]

I am being treated for PND and have also been getting counselling since September last year and despite this my mood is still really up and down. My biggest problem is that whenever I'm frustrated about anything I lash out at my DH who has been nothing but a support to me. My latest outburst was because our 22 month old DD is climbing on everything and when ever I move her throws a tantrum which I can handle fine until my DH is around and then suddenly feel like I'm being judged as a bad mother. I find it much easier when he's not around as I just feel like we're massively inconveniencing him by being around him so I start looking for things to get annoyed at him for and rant at him. I don't even remember what my point is half the time and sometimes feel that he'd be better off if we left him. I'm worried that I just don't want to be with him which is why I moan so much at him.
Has anyone else experienced this or can anyone offer advice. Please help because when I'm feeling good there's no way I would even consider leaving him.

[Divingforpearls]

I'm assuming that you are the main carer for your child. Once a baby arrives, husbands can easily get shoved into at least 2nd place; you are aware of your childs needs and with her most of the time, she needs you most of all, it's easy to exclude the husband from this cosy little group. Also, this can lead to the situation where we can feel like we are the only ones who CAN look after our child, as he has just not had enough practice! Beware of martydom! At 22 months, it's definately time to allow your husband to do his share of the childcare, even if it's just one Saturday or Sunday a fortnight. This way, he can see how much hard work it is, whilst at the same time getting to 'bond' with them, and giving you a break! Just tell him that you'll be going wherever and you need him to look after her for the day. Be firm! The first 2 years seemed to me to be just cosy mum and baby time. You are coming out of that now. Try to include your partner, I know mine felt incredibly left out during this time. They can actually be quite useful, you just have to let them try. It's hard to relinquish that control, I know. Also, see if you can get someone else to look after your daughter for the day - she is old enough now!- and spend some time with your DH; stay in bed with him, walk up a hill, go to the cinema, whatever. Good luck, it's a tricky balancing act to keep everyone happy!

[Clione]

Thanks Divingforpearls. I took your advice and have let DH look after DD. What a difference! We are a lot closer for it and actually laughing about the silly things DD does and I have had time to myself, I even had time to relax in a bath! You were right about the martyrdom, I hadn't realised that's what I'd been doing.