I'm usually quite stressed irritable and grumpy I find parenting boring and arduous even though I adore my children but these bouts of irritability are usually interspersed by enjoyment and not quite happiness but fun I suppose.
In the last few week this fun times have become non existent, i cannot sleep, have always had insomnia but it's gone off the scale. I've lost my appetite but the weight loss is becomeing quite appealing so eating less and less apart from crap like crisps for lunch and half a flake.
I can't even read, I have no concentration and my memory loss and forgetfulness is becoming a massive problem at home and work.
Work is hell, I don't have enough time to do anything I can't bring my work home to get on top of it as not allowed (clinical notes). I'm caught up in a horrible situation at work everyone v v supportive but still horrible (have to work with parents with quite severe personality disorders). I have to finish and pass my CBT masters which is horrible, jst horrible unbelievably stressful.
I'm worried about the effect I have on my dcs being so sad and irritable. I don't have a great relationship, feel like running away. Sometimes feel dizzy like I'm losing touch with reality. Hobbies have all gone out of the window as I can't face socialising. Went to a small party last night and felt sick with anxiety all night. Couldn't wait to leave, feel anxious now.
I know full well I'm depressed, just can't face working with people with depression and emotional difficulties and taking medication myself. Feel like a fraud. I'm not getting bad thoughts as such all though I do wonder why anyone likes me. At work I'm a total perfectionist and my standards slipping is doing my head in.
My brain isn't working properly, it takes me so long to write my notes, think of how to write things i can't work properly