I'm having a panic attack.

[OnEdge]

i suffer from Health Anxiety which now that I have kids, it has latched onto their health.

DD 3 has ha

d a virus since Saturday, her temp was 38.9 also has a uti. Has seen Doctor who said uti was a red herring, she probably has a virus causing the temperature.

Has a rash on her belly, it does blanch, and the Doctor actually noticed it yesterday. when she was examining her.

Temperature just now was 38.4, so given her Nurofen. Have been doing this since Saturday, and it has come back down within an hour each time for about 10 hours.

She is well in herself, but just now said she felt tired and sat quietly on sofa.

I don't know why, but it has sent me into a spin. I feel frightened. have come upstairs so that I don't keep watching her.

Feel terrified that it is meningitis. She is sat eating spaghetti so surely it isn't ?? I have a dreadful meningitis phobia, even typing the word fucks me up.

Why now after 3 days of this have I suddenly panicked like this ?

She said her hands were cold which worried me, but when I felt them they were toastie and warm and look normal colour.

My husband gets all cross with me because I keep looking for symptoms and worrying.

Feel sick with butterflies in stomach. I on't get palpitations or hyperventilate, I just feel very frightened, like she is dying, but deep down I know she isn't.

This is awful.

[OnEdge]

I am on sertraline tablets which have helped for everyday, but when my children become ill, I go to pieces, it is really eery and lonely and I fucking hate. I would give anything for this feeling to go away. I don't know what is real anymore.

[wonderif]

i dont blame you for worrying, us parents automatically think the worse.

doctors look for neck stiffness, extreme tiredness, rash, very high temp, which your ds had but at least its coming back down.

providing rash does blanch and none of the other symptoms i wouldnt worry too much.

try not to worry she will be fine x

[piratecatClaus]

you poor love. i am sure your dd is fine, but of course that isn't going to stop you being frightened when you are feeling so stressed. It is very stressful when they are poorly and there is no exact reason.

If she is eating it sounds very positive, and sounds like one of these crazy viruses doing the rounds. They just get so many symptoms don't they. My dd is always getting everything and it's upsetting and i don't have the problems anxietywise you have.

Can you lie down for a bit, is your dh home?

Is there anyone you can call to come round?

If you can get a paper bag and blow in and out of it, deep breaths. Keep posting, becuase everyone here will help you out. xxx

[OnEdge]

thanks
I am not hyperventilating, I am just very very frightened.
I can hear her playing downstairs. Husband is with them.
She has just finished her spaghetti.

I know that it isn't meningitis, but I still worry as though she is going to die, I feel sick inside.

How can I know it isn't meningitis but still be frightened that it is. i am not in control of my own mind.

[OnEdge]

Now my 15 week old is crying, every time they cry I always think it is meningitis.

My son is 18 months and since he was born, everytime he has cried, it has crossed my mind. So now I have 3 kids under 4 who i think have meningitis (briefly) about 20 times a day. It is exhausting.

[brokeoven]

Its normal and natural to feel so scared when your little ones are just not quite right or even properly poorly.
Im a fully qualified working nurse, have qualifications in rescusitating children and babies and i get that awful sick feeling and butterflies in my stomach when my child is even a little bit ill and i KNOW for sure that its minor. Cant help it, its like i am programmed as a mum to feel so anxious!

So dont be so rough on yourself, trust your gut and keep on caring as you are.
You are definitely doing all of the right things with the nurofen etc.
If it were meningitis, believe me, you would know instantly, as you say, she would not be eating spagetti!

[brokeoven]

So plan out what needs to be done tonight...

wash up dishes, run the bath, get PJs out for kids.
Sort out clothes for tomorrow.
keep your mind ocupied on what you CAN do tonight that is practical and healthy.
have you got any ironing? Get busy

[winnybella]

Her temp is not very high, tbh. Rash is caused by septicaemia- it would not stay the same way iyswim- it would have attacked her body v.v. quickly-so do not worry about the rush, please.

Meningitis is a word that speeds up every mums heartbeat-me included-and I think it's good to be educated about symptoms so we can react promptly, but there's no reason to panic with every little virus the children get.

[OnEdge]

I have older two in bath now, they are fine and DH is downstairs feeding baby. I am feeling better now. It is strange, and helpful actually saying (typing) it out loud. I have to mask my anxiety because everyone knows I suffer and kind of get it wrong all the time.

Bloomin baby crying now, I feel scared again. See, its ridiculous, every few minutes I am scared afresh.

i am suppose to be going out tonight to meet friends at 6.30. I will be anxious all night now leaving them. I feel I ought to go, otherwise it will take over, but I am scared to leave my kids at home too. AAAARRRGH so confused and mixed up. i am trying to overide this. it is like two people battling each other in my head.

[OnEdge]

much better now

[brokeoven]

go out with your friends, get DP/DH to text you in a couple of hours to tell yout hat they are all sleeping and fine. x

[OnEdge]

Just re did her temp and it is 37.8. Shall I go out ?
She is tucked up in bed watching toy story now.

18 MO DS in bed too watching toy story with his bottle.

I am taking the nipper with me to give DH a break ( and so I can be with her and not fret

So do you think it will be ok to go out?

Less than a mile away.

[OnEdge]

I'm going. I know deep down that she hasn't got the dreaded M. Just got to be brave. No signal where I'm going So v v brave. I can go outside and call home I spose. Got to rely on DH to check her, I don't like that.

Wish me luck. Thanks for your reassurance, it really really does help me.

[brokeoven]

Yes go because the nurofen works for about 6 hours...she is keeping cool for up to 10 hours isnt she after a dose you were saying.

She has her magic medicne now and will likely sleep this off.

GO GO GO GO..... get yourself gone xxx

[OnEdge]

36.9 and dirty looks off dd for shoving thermometer in her ear AGAIN !

[amelem]

Oh good, you sound like you are calming down. Many parents worry like this when their dcs are ill so don't feel guilty about your reaction.

[winnybella]

Oh, she's fine, stop fretting. Temp coming down quickly with nurofen, she's happy watching a film.

Btw did you always have HA or was it triggered by the births?

[OnEdge]

always had it, mum was a radiographer and used to discuss nasty stuff in front of me when i was a kid. i had a good understanding of cancers and secondary tumours etc when i should have been into the bay city rollers.

then i did nurse training and saw some scary stuff happen to lovely people and it screwed me up i spose.

[stnikkilarse1978]

Have you had therapy for this? I suffered from it for 7 years and am pretty much cured after 2 years of therapy - mixture of cbt and psychotherapy. You really need to get it dealt with as you do not want to pass anxiety onto your children. Feel free to pm me I am an expert on this! Have you read phantom illness by Carla cantor? You can get second hand copies on amazon. You are not alone in feeling like this but you need to move forward. Good quote for you "if you hear the thunder of hooves think horses not zebras". Your Dd is fine :-) Sort yourself out, living life in fear is no life at all.