piano meltdown (mine not his) advice needed from musical mums

[racingheart]

Sorry this is long. Need to let of steam and also ask advice.

I am deeply ashamed of myself. I absolutely lost it and growled like a dog at my musical DS today because I was trying to work out a (for me) tricky bit of his Grade 2 piano piece because he and I disagreed over the timing of it. While I was playing it very very slowly to get the counting right, he went over to the electric organ on the other side of the room and bashed out some clashing chords. After a far too long and loud meltdown lecture from me about disrespect and 'I'm only doing this to help you' etc, we made up.

His teacher has suggested he goes up to two lessons a week to prepare for Grade 2 as he's made very slow progress this term. The real reason is that I started a new job working long hours away from home while traiing and haven't been around. His teacher leaves a lot of the working out how to play a piece to homework, and goes over corrections in the lesson, rather than teaching new bars. That means, effectively, I'm the one who has to teach him the pieces. But I'm not musical. I don't even have grade 1 piano.

So..what I'm wondering is: instead of him having 2 lessons a week with his sweet but rather ineffectual teacher, should I get a lesson a week, so I'm up to speed with him and can help him learn more easily. I really enjoy working with him on his pieces and learning how to read music as we go along, but it's all self taught.

Any advice?

And please, please feel free to share your own musical meltdowns with me to make me feel better! :)

[steppemum]

tell the teacher you can't teach him the pieces, and practise can only be for what he already knows
or change teacher!

[simonthedog]

I don't play the piano, but if I were paying for the lessons I would want a teacher that was actually teaching your DS. So I think I would get him two lessons a week with a different teacher.

[GooseyLoosey]

I would consider changing teacher. It is ridiculous that you should be considering lessons yourself so that you can teach him. I agree that it does help if you can work out what they should be doing, but the teacher should be taking them through new stuff, not you.

[Katisha]

You shouldn't need two lessons a week for grade 2. Sounds like a change of teacher would be worth looking into. A child shouldn't need the parent to have to learn the stuff in parallel, unless the parent wants to of course, but it shouldn't depend on it.
We've had loads of meltdowns along the way! It's not all sweetness and light learning an instrument, as some people want to think!

[ReallyTired]

Please don't worry. It is hard getting children to practice. My son has a very good guitar teacher and we sometimes end up fighting about practice. Its really hard watching your children make mistakes. I also think its mistake to try and teach your own kids.

Two lessons a week seems a bit drastic and expensive. It sounds like your sounds needs a new teacher who isn't ineffectual. I think its a far better idea for you to have a lesson a week as you are enjoying the piano. Why should the kids have all the fun?

Would it be possible for you to pay a A-level music student to supervise your son's piano practice.

I find that youtube is great for hearing grade exam pieces. As far as the rythmn goes I find it helps to clap the rythmn of the music. Play one line of the melody and then add in the chords later.

[Elephantmouse]

My instant thought when I read this was that the teacher's methods sound more like someone teaching musical theory with a workbook rather than practical musical lessons...

Lay all the emotional stuff to one side.

Now consider this to be a problem at work. Your are the CEO.
A new recruit is being trained by a more senior staff member in the intracacies of the business albeit in a role that you are not an expert - but you roughly know what the net result should be...

The new recruit appears to have more questions than answers and is actively having to seek solutions from others rather than the specialist trainer...

I would be querying the specialist trainer...

[seeker]

Does he want to play the piano? If so, find another teacher. And once a week is fine for grade 2. But someone qt this level just doesn't have the knowledge to work out how the pieces should sound by themselves.

Does he have a cd of the pieces he's learning? If they are the set pieces for a grade they are easy to find.

[xing]

There are a lot of Grade 2 videos on youtube. I normally use these for my DS.

Also DS is very very annoyed if the teacher kept correcting him especially when he is playing. And the teacher is quite considerate about this.

[AMumInScotland]

If you're paying for a teacher, you shouldn't then have to do the teaching yourself I would either change teacher, or have a word with her about the fact that this method isn't suiting you, and see if she can actually teach the new stuff during the lesson.

At grade 2 level, I don't think it's reasonable to expect the child to work things out for themself, or to assume that a parent will be able to do it. If you could do it yourself, you wouldn't be paying a teacher for it, would you?

[racingheart]

Thanks for all your replies and unanimous suggestion to change teachers. I agree.

He loves playing piano. And unfortunately, he loves his teacher, who, to be fair to her, is extremely sweet and in love with classical music, which he is too. But she just doesn't seem to teach him anything. She has other children on her books who are very musical (e.g. both parents Gr 8 musicians) who have been taught for 4 years and still not sat grade 1.

She's the local teacher for all primaries, supplied (but not subsidised) by the county council. I've tried to find another local teacher but DS is resistant (he's very loyal) and the only two I know of are one who doesn't take children and the other is no better than his current teacher. But I'll look again. She is very wet and it hadn't occurred to me that I shouldn't need to know the pieces. I taught him all the grade 1 pieces and he does always say, after I put some time in with him, that he's delighted by how quickly he progresses with me, because he learns something when we sit down together. he's very quick. I can teach him 8 bars, both hands together in 20 mins, so why can't she?

[titchy]

She sounds a dreadful teacher tbh (lovely person though!) - I can't think of anything more depressing than a child learning an instrument for four years and still not be ready for grade 1 - what a waste of four years

[Elephantmouse]

Daughter remained loyal to gymnastics coach /club for four years between the ages of 7 and 11. Now at 15 she regrets those standstill years and says I should have dragged her away...

[seeker]

One of those times when it has to be "mother knows best" I'm afraid.

[twolittlemonkeys]

I'm a music teacher and agree that she should be teaching him the new material, not leaving that up to you to work out. Practice is often more effective with parents supervising/ listening out for obvious mistakes as some children do tend to just hurry their practice rather than working on the bits they find difficult.

Also there is no way that a child at Grade 2 level needs 2 lessons a week. 1 lesson and effective practice sessions at home should be ample.

[Honestyisbest]

I totally agree with twolittlemonkeys.

[swanthingafteranother]

My child just sat Grade 1 violin, and as I know nothing about the violin, except the sound coming out of it, there was no way I could teach dd anything. The teacher should be doing the teaching!
Dd has been learning piano recently too, and has already started some Grade 1 pieces. I can do Grade 2 level piano. But I've never never showed her how to play the pieces or sounded them out to her, except for fun. The piano teacher does that. She has twenty mins a week.
Change Teacher! After all your child doesn't know any different than that teacher, so why would he know what a good teacher is? In the meantime it is brilliant that he hasn't been put off, but you and he tusselling might well put him off, if she doesn't.

[ReallyTired]

If you son fails a grade because of poor teaching then it will put him off music.
You should not be doing the job of the teacher.

[racingheart]

Thank you all. I've been quietly fretting about this teacher for ages. She's not cheap and she works so slowly. If I don't move him on, he doesn't move. Time to look around.

[MirandaWest]

You definitely shouldn't be teaching him - that's her job. DS is learning the guitar - I'm generally musical but no good with a guitar. I can help when he practises but not teach him - that's what his teacher does.

[ZZZenAgain]

how long is his current lesson?

[pianomama]

Please dont have a meltdown. All music mums been through it.

I think an ideal situation is when the teacher writes out a detailed plan for DC weekly practice. - i.e. - these bars, hands together/separately/certain speed etc.

Non musical parents should try not to get involved - don't be offended but if you are an amature, you will make mistakes yourself and confuse your DC even further. If DC strggles to figure out a particular bit I would suggest to leave it till next lesson and ask the teacher. Write down the exact questions your DC migh have so they dont forget to ask.

You could help by discussing in advance what DC is going to practise and how.

Ask them whether they saw any problems with something they just played and get them to analyse it themselves.

Something our teacher taught me - never ever interrupt during the play - wait till they finish and check if they noticed the problem themselves.

The more DC get to appraise themselves, the more effective their practise becomes.

And please be very careful of youtube videos - they are not a reliable source at all :).

[racingheart]

Hi Zzzen. His lesson is 30 mins a week.

Pianomama that sounds like good advice fromsomeone who knows what she's talking about. Thank you.

[ZZZenAgain]

I know a little girl who is 8 who has 2 x 30 minute lessons per week on the violin at her teacher's recommendation and she seems to be making excellent progress, so it is not all that unusual I think.

I wondered if he needs you really to work out the counting for him and so on. Maybe he was annoyed because he could have figured it out for himself? ALso what could be happening is if you are helping him a lot at home, the teacher has a skewed idea of how quickly he understands what she demonstrates/explains and makes sense of what they do in the lesson. She is probably assuming that he is managing fine on his own with the way she teaches at present, since he comes back every week having managed things IYSWIM. Although I think it is great that you are involved, I wonder if you would consider stepping back for a month and seeing what happens. I would also tell the teacher where he has being having difficulties.

What I personally find good although understandably this does not always go down well with dc is to practise when you come home from the lesson or after school the day of the lesson so that what has been covered is still fresh enough and can be cemented. A day or two later, most of it may be forgotten.

[ReallyTired]

Having 2 thirty minute lessons a week is silly. my son has one 20 minute lesson of guitar a week and that seems more than enough.

I think that having a sixth form music student help with practice might be more useful.

[pianomama]

I dont know. My DS had 60 mins lessons since he was quite small.

When he has performances, competitions or exams he will have 2 x 60 mins a week.

It depends how much is your teacher prepared to teach you. He always has 4-5 pieces on the go, plus a study or 2. There is just not enough time to cover everything.