And I don't mean in a modest way - I mean actually knowing that you're shit at your job?
I've been in the same career for about 10 years and I'm just no good at it. I've been freelance most of that time which has allowed me to get away with staying at the same level without being questioned about why I'm not more senior (as I've been employed by the same companies repeatedly who take me on at pretty much the same level each time). At my age I should be more senior but I absolutely do not want the responsibility and would hate leading a team. I'm a much better team player.
I just seem to lack the most basic knowledge and this is partly because I have a complete inability to retain information. My memory is dreadful. For example I honestly cannot tell you what modules I studied at uni or any details of the books I read. I even struggle reading books now as once I put them down I forget the plot/characters. I am definitely one of those people whose memory has been permanently outsourced to Google.
Whenever someone at work wants a meeting/chat, I feel sick that they're going to ask something I can't answer. I've just started a new role as an inhouse consultant and I feel so exposed. I'm so up and down - I can feel confident in the morning then make one slip up or feel unsure about something and I just feel sick from then on.
Also I'm often mistaken at work for being much younger than I am. Although people say I look young I'm pretty sure it's actually because I don't come across particularly authoratitive. I feel silly telling people what I do as it almost feels like play-acting.
I just wish I could not work - just so I didn't have to feel like this.
Otherwise I'm a really sociable, confident person.
Sorry this is a stream of consciousness and I'm not sure what anyone can say to help, really....?
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Does anybody else feel like a massive fraud at work?
41 replies
Chocwocdoodah · 11/07/2016 23:11
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