mummy she's smelly

[robinw]

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[sml]

robinw, people from farms are NOT more prone to being smelly than others!
There was a family that smelled when I was at primary school, because their mother never washed them. Not v nice for them, though they all grew up into worthwhile people as far as I am aware. We just accepted it.

[Enid]

We also live in a farming area and I must say I can't think of anything that might make the farmers children temporarily smelly - unless they'd rolled in the silage!

Isn't there always someone in every child's class who is less popular than the others and thats how these names stick? Maybe this child wore something grubby one day or was in fact smelly - they'll be stuck with that prefix now for the rest of their schooldays. Maybe you should try and distract your daughter and play it down...I don't think telling her that its because the child lives on a farm is going to do anyone any good in the long run!

[tiktok]

Poor smelly kid - whatever the cause. There was a girl in our class who really did smell, not of dirt or wee or anything, just sort of musty - her house smelled the same way, too. It wasn't very nice. It didn't help that she had a chronic runny nose, later corrected with some sort of op, and she wore weird clothes - big chunky sweaters passed down from her older brothers over cotton dresses (the family were not poor, just odd). Some people were truly horrible to her, wouldn't touch her or sit next to her, and if they inadvertently touched her, they would 'blow the germs' away from themselves. She was very miserable. I often think of her, and wonder how badly this all affected her. She changed schools at 11, and went somewhere no one else went, which must have helped.

[Marina]

Robinw, can't remember the age of dd - is she about 7? If so, you could ask her whether the little girl's clothes or person smell odd and be reasonably sure of getting an accurate reply. Some people have endocrine or other hormonal disorders that give them a strange personal odour that is nothing to do with their hygiene standards. If she is older than your daughter, maybe she is one of those unlucky little girls who has started her periods before she finishes primary school.
Surely the only way it could be farming-related is if she has muck on her shoes?
I do think the best way for you to discuss it with your daughter could be to use it to set an example of tolerance and an attempt to understand that everyone is different.
If you manage to find out more and it becomes clear that the child is physically dirty, this could be a sign of abuse or neglect at home, so maybe you could raise the matter with your daughter's class teacher...

[Tigger2]

Ah well, better stop the kids rolling in the silage and the midden!!!!

robinw, have you spoken to any other mums about this child? or it could be that the child is from a Dairy Farm, where the smell of the dairy does stick to clothes very easily, usually its the stuff they use to wash out the milking line that smells. Not an easy issue, but it might be worth while talking to one of the teachers at the school, as said above it could be a lack of personal hygiene that is the problem. Good luck.

[helenmc]

My dd had a cold that went on forever and gave her smelly breath no matter how much we brushed her teeth and gargled...perhaps it's omething like that

[Rhubarb]

RobinW - why not mention something to the teacher. If your dd has noticed that this child smells, then I'm sure they must have too. It's really up to the school to have a quiet word with her parents if necessary.

Batters - I wouldn't worry, most kids go through this phase of noticing different races, colours, etc. It's a shame she has picked it up from another child, you wonder who has told this other child such a racist thing. But as long as you correct your child and teach her that all people are equal there won't be a problem. It is such a a young age to be dealing with race issues, and they have no idea what racism is, so go easy on her. Are there any coloured children in the nursery? If so, perhaps you could encourage your dd to befriend them, invite one of them round for tea sometime? She will learn to accept them more if she is constantly in their company.

[tigermoth]

Robin, I know some children begin to smell more powerfully if they sweat at around age 7. Could it be that you daughter caught a whiff of this after a PE class? The change from being a non-smelly to a smelly child can happen very suddenly if my friend's children are anything to go by. Perhaps your daughter's classmate and her parents have been caught unawares and are trying to get a new hygene routine organised. If the bad smell is a consistent problem in class, her teacher can't fail to notice it because she is with the child all day.

I think you are very right to emphasise to your daughter that the smell is temporary and she should be kind and ignore it.

Batters, likewise, I think ignoring your daughter's remarks is the best thing for now. She is far too young to know what they can mean.

[sml]

Batters - do you think your daughter was saying this to you in order to get your reaction? It sounds as though she's heard something she doesn't quite understand, and wants to know what your views on the matter are! I am sure that she will follow your lead. If it was me, I'd have a word with the nursery as well though, as someone has obviously said something.

[ScummyMummy]

Batters- this sounds difficult.
I think you're absolutely right to keep things fairly low key with your daughter- after all it's not her fault that she's heard another child say this and her choosing to role play this scenario with you may possibly even reflect her own worries about things that have been said at nursery. Also, with pre-school kids it?s so hard to know if their words are just an unhappy accident- it?s entirely possible that she and this other girl don?t like a particular child who happens to be black rather than it being a case of them not liking her BECAUSE she?s black.
Either way, it?s obviously not acceptable for that child to be verbally bullied about her skin colour, though, so I would definitely try and make sure that your daughter has got your message loud and clear, if only to prevent her from quite innocently saying something like this at nursery or elsewhere and hurting someone?s feelings. Also, if staff overheard her they might take it quite seriously which could be very upsetting for your daughter when she is just repeating stuff she?s overheard. It might be worth gently reiterating the fact that people have different skin colours just as they have different hair and eye colours and that it is sometimes hurtful to comment to people about how they look. I?d be quite matter of fact about it, I think. As others have said, she?s far too young to know the implications of what she?s saying. How about purchasing some storybooks that have black children well represented- if you haven?t already- to encourage her to talk about this more if she wants to and also to positively reinforce your message without being too preachy? Is she old enough to appreciate the Grace books- I love these and my boys are fond of the pictures, though the story goes over their heads completely!
I also think you should have a word with the nursery. I know talking about potential racism can be difficult but you are right that some of the black children might be getting verbally bullied and I think that?s serious. I also think that your daughter and the other children have the right not to be exposed to this sort of nasty thinking at nursery. HTH.

[SueDonim]

Batters, I'm not sure of your daughter's age but it's possible she is too young to actually connect the word 'black' with people of different ethnic backgrounds, and she is just repeating something she's heard, parrot fashion.

[Marina]

ScummyMummy, what are the Grace books? My son attends a nursery with children from different ethnic backgrounds and he is just starting to comment on people's appearances in public, so I'd like to start bringing this into the conversation in a low-key way before it becomes an issue. He loves books and will talk ad infinitum about the pictures and story, so they sound helpful!

[tigermoth]

I'm just wondering, having read your post again, Batters, whether your daughter is linking colour with skin. She may have simply chosen two colours. I think scummymummy is right to stress the more serious implications of this, but if you talk to your daughter, a good starting point could be to ask her why thinks one mermaid is black and one is white. Just for the record, it took ages for my son to notice skin colours. And even when he was 5 or 6, whenever he described his friends to me, skin colour was way down the list.

And as others have said, I think it would be a good idea to have a chat with the nursery staff, so at the very least they are pre-warned that your daughter or other children at the nursery could come out with some inappropriate phrases.

Also, in talking to your daughter, stress how mean it is to refuse to play with a classmate, whatever words and names are used.

[sis]

Batters, to echo what has been said by others, if you are not comfortable with the situation then it is best to talk to the nursery - it will be worth it to put your mind at rest and ensure that the staff are aware of potential comments being made.

[robinw]

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[ScummyMummy]

Marina- the books are "Amazing Grace" and "Grace and Family" by Mary Hoffman, illustrated by Caroline Binch. I'd have thought they're probably aimed at children aged 6 or 7, so pretty much over the heads of toddlers but the pictures are great even for tinies and I hope the gist of the stories will make sense to my bairns in a few years time! Does anyone else have any recommendations, perhaps aimed more at under fives?

[tigermoth]

Just wondered, Robin, if this little girl has always has a smell problem, or if it is only recent? Can your daughter tell you? That might hold a clue to what's going on.

At worst, do you think she is neglected?

[SueW]

Batters, on a different theme, my DD started smacking us when she was not quite three. Since she hadn't learned it from us, I knew it had to come from nursery and so approached the staff there to ask if they had a problem with her smacking other children as she had just started it at home.

It obviously caught the nursery nurse with her guard down cos she said 'Oh no, she never smacks but we do have a problem with a child that does'. We had already explained to her that we didn't like it and nursery must have got the other child sorted cos we had no further problems.

We also had a situation last year when we went into the city (Melbourne) on May 1. Anti-globalisation protestors were everywhere and DD remarked 'They're just stupid, aren't they mum?'. It took me quite by surprise but I managed to say that actually they weren't stupid; everyone is entitled to their opinion and some of these people are trying to stick up for people who can't stick up for themselves. I went on to ask how she would feel if she saw someone being pushed around by other children at kinder and she said she wouldn't like it and would tell them to stop. I was so proud of her!

We had quite a chat then about bullying and nasty things that children do to each other and it came out that the boys at kinder would get onto the climbing frame at break and not let the girls on. So I told her to tell them that the climbing frame is for everyone and it's not up to them to say who can play on it.

Apparently she did so and became firm friends with some of the boys. She and her girlfriends also got to enjoy playing on the climbing frame too, whenever they wanted.

She's quite a determined girl, very confident when she knows/believes she's in the right and I hope she stays that way.

[mollipops]

robinw, had another idea about the possible cause of this poor girl's aroma problem...it came to me while eating garlic bread last night actually! Maybe her family eat a lot of highly spiced or flavoured foods, like garlic. This can cause quite an unusual body odour the next day, to all except those who shared the meal that is! So her family could be oblivious to it, and the teacher would probably recognise it. Just an idea...

[Pupuce]

Well done Batters.... I just find it amazing that we live in such a society !!!

[tigermoth]

Batters, I think you have been really conscientious in telling the nursery about this, and the nursery is doing the right thing by focussing on individuality and differences.

Thinking of you, I asked my son today, without making a big deal of it, if he'd ever heard of white skinned children at his school saying they didn't want to play with black skinned children in their class, or visa versa. He said 'no'`without any hesitation. I asked him if this had ever happened at any of his three primary schools, and the answer was 'no' again. His primary schools have been very multi racial. His last but one had a bad playfighting reputation, and plenty of playground quarrels between gangs.

Obviously I can't say that these three schools are typical of all schools, but I hope this message helps makes you feel optimistic!

[SueDonim]

Good for you, Batters. Anything that helps us all live together in harmony surely has to be worthwhile.