does it matter if ds ends up going to a

[lewislewis]

Is your kid happy at school even though he goes to a bad primary, mediocre report, a bunch of rough parents, etc? I am just wondering how much I should be worrying about this school thing.

[Twiglett]

don't know what to say to this

why would you knowingly put your child in a school you have no faith in and don't like the other parents? would you not spend your life worrying what kind of adult he will turn into

I think one of the key things at primary is standards instilled in them by school and their peers so there is an argument that it is more the other children and their parents in these formative years ..

I personally don't want my child to grow up 'rough' I want him to have my standards and morals and I think kids can succomb to peer pressure really easily

as for the report .. I go by my gut feeling and how involved I can get and the head and teachers enthusiasm for change

[WideWebWitch]

I wish I couldn't answer yes to this but my ds goes to a pretty rough primary where there are lots of rough parents (swearing at their children as they light fags in their faces), a pretty poor ofsted for the past few years, BUT it has nice teachers, a weak but well meaning head, a very active (and annoying ime) PTA and a band of parents whose children I like and ds likes. So he's there until 11 when we will, we sincerely hope, be living somewhere nicer. Even if we're not we're pretty sure we'll end up paying for secondary education. Ds is happy there because he has some good friends and has had lovely teachers so far. If he gets his head kicked in next year (not impossible, from what I've seen of some of the older kids) I'll take him out sooner.

[WideWebWitch]

God that sounds awful, reading it back. It does have some redeeming features, the teachers and head are trying very hard and my boy is happy and doing well which is why I haven't done anything about it so far.

[WideWebWitch]

If you're worried, go and look around, see how the children are. Talk to the head, ask questions, see what you think from the atmosphere, meet the teacher and then decide.

[lewislewis]

We are trying to move next to a school that looks okish on paper, but who knows, they might not take him after all, in which case the alternatives are fairly rough. It seems to me that as long as there is a bunch of kids with affectionate supportive parents and as long as dp and myself support him, ds should be ok. Of course I don't want ds to grow up "rough", but I certainly want him to be aware that there are people who have different rules/expectations from mine, people who are also less fortunate, what I mean to say I do not want him to grow up in a bubble.

[WideWebWitch]

paper and reality are different, go and see them all only then can you know what's right for your child imo.

[charliecat]

My dd goes to a school which could probably fit your bill but its all wrapped up in a postitive, we accept any pupils, family, loving, caring nurturing way. She has found her friends and she ok.

[nutcracker]

It would matter to me alot I have to say.

[happymerryberries]

The thing that would worry me most the is type of parent tbh.

I wouldn't be happy.

I teach in secondary and the most important thing for kids is how much support they get at home. There is a direct corellation IME between how well behaved/ sucessful kids are (former is most important) and how interested their parents are.

I'm, sure you are a very interested/ supportive parent. How happy will you be if your child is surrounded by kids who's parents are not?

[Gobbledigook]

Eek, probably not very 'PC' (if that's the right term) but it would bother me too.

[happymerryberries]

PC has got nothing to do with it. No-one had said that all of a particular race/class of parents is like this.

I work in a school that is almost all working class the kids come from homes that are below average for parental income and education level. The vast majority of these working class parents are first rate. They are very supportive, love their kids and want the best for them. They want them to have education chances that they missed out on. They are wonderful and by and large their kids are great too.

However tere are some parents that are not fit! They don't give a damn about much in life except where their next drink/fag/screw is coning from. I might feel sorry for them, their umpbringing has made them this way, but I feel even more sorry for their kids who are often feral, dirty and lacking in most basic social skills.

I would home ed rather than send my child to a school where the latter type of parent is the norm. And if that is non PC, well tough!

[happymerryberries]

And to be blunt, do you want you children going to play at friends houses where they might not be properly supervised etc etc.

Mate of mine let her ds go to play at a friend (they were 7) and the parents (very rough) let them watch an 18 certificate film!

[Gobbledigook]

hmb - I kind of thought PC wasn't the right term but couldn't think how else to put it. I just meant that I think some people might be offended that I, and others, would rather avoid a certain type of parent/child.

[Gobbledigook]

People might think it's 'snobby'??

[happymerryberries]

I think it would be considered snobby if you said, 'Oh I don't want my children to mix with working class kids'.

I think that it is sane to say 'I don't want my child to go to a school where most of the children are badly behaved because their parents are rough and have no idea of basic social behaviour'

To my mind there are basically two types of parents, 'good enough' and people who should have children in the first place. The latter can be from any class and I don't realy want my children to be surrounded by theirs.

[stitch]

it depends on the schools in your area, and whether you can afford to either move to an area with better schools, or pay for a school of your choice. if you cant, then its just a case of doing the best you can with what is available. and stop feeling guilty about it.
forget about snobbiness, or any other label. just try to be a good enough parent, rather than a perfect one.

[happymerryberries]

Would agree with that 100% stitch.

No one can be perfect, the best any of us can aim for is 'good enough'

[Caligula]

I think it does matter. Primary school lays the expectations for secondary school and the influence of cultural and peer group pressure just cannot be over-stated once they hit adolescence.

One of the things about being a parent is that you don't do it in a vacuum. Your children are surrounded by other influences than yours and the older they get, the more important those influences become. So while they're younger you still control some influences (like media), as they get older you will have less control and the outside influences will become stronger. All you can do is try and ensure that the outside influences (including school) are ones you are happy with. And alas, that's not always within our control.

[happymerryberries]

Also agree with that 100% (or if I am annoying people 110% )

I have seen kids fall in with 'The wrong crowd' so often. Peer pressure is so important.

If you can more you child I would. If you can't then don't beat yourself up about it, it will not helf any

[roisin]

Hmm... I'm not so sure about this. My kids go to an excellent school - we love it, and they have great Ofsteds. But the catchment area is very mixed, and a lot of the children are coming from very rough backgrounds: it did take me a while to realise the levels of deprivation. But at this age, if the school is good, I don't think it is that important.

Secondary school is a different matter. I now work in the local secondary school which my boys would 'automatically' attend ... they won't!

[happymerryberries]

Do you think that it would matter if the children from rough backgrounds were in the majority?

I tend to find that there is a critical level that has to be reached for 'naughty' kids to have a significant effect. If you have one or two in a class peer pressure dictates that they generaly behave. Get 5 in a class...oh dear, if they are the majority, oh hell!

I have worked with very disruptive kids (some went on to be expelled) and because they were the only trouble maker in a good class they behaved well. Working with one lad at the moment who was busting a gut to get a level C in his course work, and he is in this class because he caused riots in lower sets.

It all seems to be down to numbers IMHO.

[lewislewis]

Thanks, we don't have a lot of choice, it is a bit of a lottery. There is a private school close to where we live at the moment, I see the kids who go there in our playground, they are not the sort of kids who swear or are aggressive, but I am astounded by their arrogance, their rudeness, the confidence that money has bought them, and the contempt they show towards other kids. I would not want my ds to play with kids like these.

[happymerryberries]

Hmm sounds like a private school with a very poor ethos.

Not all are like that. My kids go to a private school and they are very polite and not al all arrogent. That said most of the people who send their kids to dds school are not filty rich.....I know that I'm not

[happymerryberries]

Do you have any other choice of primary?

[roisin]

HMB: "Do you think that it would matter if the children from rough backgrounds were in the majority? "

Hmm... Yes, no, maybe! I think the crucial % changes when they get to secondary school, and also at puberty children change from having a basic desire to conform to having a basic desire not to!

We do have quite high percentages of children from deprived backgrounds at our school, some of them rough. But it's not a problem there.

Must go - dh has got my lunch on the table.