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He doesn't agree with the grounds for divorce

(41 Posts)
CQCnamechange Sat 21-Sep-19 10:11:46

So what do I do now? I've already watered them down. I've tried to agree them with him without going back and forth to a solicitor.
The original version was sent to him by my solicitor and he has not contacted or replied to her - just told me he doesn't agree.

OP’s posts: |
PorterBella Sat 21-Sep-19 10:19:13

Have a look on the site, OP.
They have a forum and some knowledgable people giving advice
on there.

EggysMom Sat 21-Sep-19 10:19:23

Presumably you have gone for "unreasonable behaviour". From my recollection, he doesn't necessarily have to agree with the cited examples so long as he consents to the divorce. Is he consenting or contesting it?

CQCnamechange Sat 21-Sep-19 10:34:49

Yes it's unreasonable behaviour. I thought that he had to agree? Can I just press on with my reasons then?

OP’s posts: |
sandyvacancy Sat 21-Sep-19 11:01:55

Does he understand that it doesn’t matter what’s on the divorce papers - no-one sees it apart from a judge, who probably won’t even read it. I think he can just tick a box that says he doesn’t agree with reasons but will proceed anyway.

Itsallchange Sat 21-Sep-19 17:37:43

There is an option to choose where he can state he doesn’t agree but will not block the divorce, I’m sure my paperwork gave him 14 days and then the papers would be sent to court anyway? It’s not in his interests to contest the divorce, google it and send him the results (has he seen a solicitor?)

pointythings Sat 21-Sep-19 18:36:05

He doesn't have to agree. Mine didn't either - he consented to the divorce anyway (then died before it could complete). Believe me, I hadn't exaggerated; quite the reverse, in fact. I imagine it was no different for you.

His solicitor will have told him that if he doesn't consent to the divorce, he can contest - but that never ends well and just costs an immense amount of money.

Itsallchange Sat 21-Sep-19 18:51:21

Goodness @pointythings I’ve often wondered what happens if my H was to die before things complete? Does it make it more difficult?

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 21-Sep-19 19:07:07

If your spouse dies before you're divorced you then become a widow. You're either married or divorced.

Itsallchange Sat 21-Sep-19 19:27:12

Thank you @NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 ☺️

Jocasta2018 Sat 21-Sep-19 19:30:25


What happens if you're legally separated?

An friend was living separately from her husband but not made it legal yet so became his widow but they were moving towards divorce.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 Sat 21-Sep-19 19:36:25

separation is a bit meaningless really. Not sure why anyone would choose to go down that route. You can't re-marry and you would become a widow on his death.

pointythings Sat 21-Sep-19 19:59:39

Jocasta we were separated too, nothing formal in place but divorce in progress. We were living separately too.

When he died, I became his widow. At that point the divorce could not complete because you can't divorce a dead person. I contacted my solicitors, who informed the courts and the whole thing was cancelled. And no, you don't get any of the fees back, which is kind of fair enough.

My H died without leaving a will, so I inherited everything and was the beneficiary of his life insurance and pensions.

CQCnamechange Sun 22-Sep-19 10:00:05

Maybe it'd be easier if he died!! Joke it's a joke smile

OP’s posts: |
MysteryTripAgain Mon 23-Sep-19 04:41:47


Your partner can object to your divorce petition. If you have evidence of unreasonable behaviour it should be okay and the petition accepted. However, if you do not your partner can drag it out.

The Owens case went all the way to the supreme court and the judges ruled (all be it reluctantly) to reject the Wife's petition. So the wife will have to wait 5 years.

ColaFreezePop Mon 23-Sep-19 09:04:10

OP most people getting divorced aren't wealthy hence the recommendation by family solicitors not to contest things while getting divorced and to reach your own agreements where possible.

MysteryTripAgain Mon 23-Sep-19 09:07:59

OP most people getting divorced aren't wealthy hence the recommendation by family solicitors not to contest things while getting divorced and to reach your own agreements where possible

Good advice. My ex turned things into a contest and a huge chunk went in legal costs. Money they could have had themselves.

itsallverywell Mon 23-Sep-19 09:30:18

I made myself the respondent and made up some unreasonable behaviour on my part just to get rid of the man as quickly as I could

Mystraightenersarebroken Mon 23-Sep-19 20:37:59

He doesn't need to agree to the grounds. The judge decides if they are sufficient.

All you have to do is prove that they have been served. If he ignores then it goes through provided the judge agrees.

He can contest on the grounds that the marriage hasn't irretrievably broken down e.g. you are still living together, sharing a household, meals, sleeping together etc.

CQCnamechange Tue 24-Sep-19 03:11:26

Thanks everyone. I have since made them even more generic and he has now reluctantly agreed. Ridiculous that he has admitted to his behaviour but doesn't want it as a public record.
I think it's shown me how he will act during the divorce process. He does hardly any childcare now but is going for 50/50 so he doesn't have to pay childcare costs. I have the proof that I have done most of the childcare and holidays etc over the years but he is saying because he can prove he can do it from now on that's what he will get. Does anyone know if that it true?

OP’s posts: |
Fucket Tue 24-Sep-19 03:18:14

I think you will have to divorce and sort the financial settlement out afterwards.

I wouldn’t think the court would agree on 50/50 because of his plan for the future. If contact could be 50/50 why is it not now? How old are the children? Sometimes if they are older they have a decision in it.

ShippingNews Tue 24-Sep-19 03:23:51

The thing about dying before the divorce is not relevant. You're married until the day you get your decree - if he dies before you get it, you're a widow.

Palaver1 Tue 24-Sep-19 05:33:39

You do not discuss into this amount of detail .
He is beginning to control the situation the one thing you don’t want .

Dacquoise Tue 24-Sep-19 14:11:57

I second what Palaver says. It does look like he's trying to retain control of the divorce and the financial outcome. My ex-husband tried to scare me all sorts of predictions about what would happen in our divorce which caused me to make some choices that were not in my interests.

I would advise you to tune out and try not to get sucked in. It will wear you down and you really need all your energy to get through a divorce.

CQCnamechange Thu 26-Sep-19 05:27:05

And now I'm being criticised as I want the financial information to be sent to my solicitor so she can advise me before mediation. I don't understand his pension (he has bought property with it) or his accounts to take a view on how much his business is worth.
Does anyone know how you value a business?
Living together while going through this process is hell.

OP’s posts: |

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