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Why does everything have to be her way?

(52 Posts)
KungFuPanda Fri 01-Aug-08 13:27:05

I'm due to get married in September. As soon as we got engaged she mentioned that she's always wanted to go to New York and would love to do that as honeymoon. And that was it, as soon as she said it it was assumed by everyone that that is where we'd be going on honeymoon. Now all I get from friends and family etc is "do you have NY booked yet?" "won't it be lovely when you show her the tickets for NY?" etc...

I don't want to go to NY and don't plan to. I have always wanted to go to Germany and want to do that for honeymoon but as soon as I say that to anyone I get "yeah but you could do that anytime, NY will be lovely..." we could go to NY anytime, surely?

I'm taking her for a meal tonight and the stupid family have filled her head with this NY thing and have her believing that I'm announcing having bought the tickets tonight. She's all excited but I have no intention of going to NY and I'm going to tell her that tonight.

So am I a complete b*stard or does anyone else feel like this sometimes? why is it always what they want? I feel a bit guilty that she'll be upset tonight but it really is her own fault for thinking that she can have everything her way in the first place.

shelleylou Fri 01-Aug-08 13:32:14

Wih it being your honeymoon i dont think it should be one persons choice either way. Should decide together.

lulumama Fri 01-Aug-08 13:33:52

but if you go to germany, it is having it your way

it needs to be a compromise, somewhere totally different you both agree on

DaddyJ Fri 01-Aug-08 13:34:58

Let's forget everyone else for a second.
They're not coming with you, are they?

Well, what does the missus-to-be make of Germany then?
Have you told her how you feel?

Negotiate. See if you can reach a better solution. E.g. Barcelona!

Iklboo Fri 01-Aug-08 13:35:22

She's becoming bridezilla already grin
Choices about stuff like this should be joint decisions - she might not want to go to Germany f'rinstance (not sure I'd fancy it for my honeymoon to be honest, although it's a lovely place)

We went to Argate for ours

Midge25 Fri 01-Aug-08 13:47:49

Agree with lulumama. Find somewhere totally different that you both fancy...

arfishy Fri 01-Aug-08 13:50:09

Germany? On Honeymoon? Are you MAD? Honeymoons are supposed to be one off trips of a lifetime aren't they? Germany is for business trips where you get booked into the red light district by mistake and end up eating from a German kebab shop at 9pm because your hotel is shit [has flashbacks and thinks further murderous thoughts about incompetent PAs]

OK, I wouldn't go for New York either, but debates about Germany vs America aside, please talk to her BEFORE you get to the restaurant.

She's probably working this wedding up into a dream and everything must be perfect and you're both so wonderful together and it's going to be the best day of her life etc etc etc and if you drop this on her in front of her family and friends it will be awful and she'll take it really badly.

Puppie Fri 01-Aug-08 14:22:19

agree with arfishy...germany what the hell! Lulumama is right , go somewhere different so it doesnt feel as though either of you are "getting your own way"

jamescagney Fri 01-Aug-08 14:26:33

have to say that neither Germany nor New York would appeal as a honeymoon to me.
bite the bullet, bring brochures with you before dinner, over drinks - what about Rome and Sorrento? Very romantic.

Twinkie1 Fri 01-Aug-08 14:26:55

You obviously haven't been to Germany beofre - not much the romantic trip of a lifetime!!!

New York on the other hand is incredible but you shouldn;t go there either - pick somewhere between you!

dittany Fri 01-Aug-08 14:27:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claricebeansmum Fri 01-Aug-08 14:30:56

Think both options are poor. Go somewhere romantic and relaxing - you will be knackered by September! But this needs to be a compromise. Although DH did book our honeymoon without consulting me and it was very much "his" sort of holiday but it was fine.

dittany Fri 01-Aug-08 14:32:13

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

belgo Fri 01-Aug-08 14:35:28

Have you not mentioned this to her before? Why on earth didn't you say something as soon as you realised she's got her heart set on New York?

And why on earth do you want to go to Germany for? (nothing wrong with Germany, but it's hardly the ideal honey moon destination).

cestlavie Fri 01-Aug-08 14:36:39

Germany? On honeymoon? I mean I guess if your idea of a deliciously romantic week away involves lots of Pilsner, heavy industrialisation, Kurdish kebab shops and fat businessmen with strange moustaches then maybe that's why she's taking it on herself to choose somewhere! What was the second choice after Germany? Baku?

Actually I jest (although I'll admit most of German trips have been along the lines above). How about a compromise that won't kill her NY dream? Get a round the world ticket with an NY stop-over - I think they start reasonably cheaply (about £500) and you could take in some other gorgeous places on the way like New Zealand, Australia, West Coast and South East Asia.

chipmonkey Fri 01-Aug-08 14:36:53

It does have to be somewhere you agree between you. I would have been very upset if dh had insisted on Germany for our honeymoon, btw!

chipmonkey Fri 01-Aug-08 14:38:03

Is she an MNer? Are you hoping she'll see this?

EffiePerine Fri 01-Aug-08 14:39:27

Go somewhere else (other than Germany or New York) that you both like

RubySlippers Fri 01-Aug-08 14:39:37

i think you need to find somewhere you both want to go

Why don't you want to go to NY just out of interest, and why did you not say initially that you would discuss the honeymoon destination rather than letting her get all excited?

i think that is guaranteed to make her fairly angry tonight

marriage is all about compromises, both small and big - think you need to at least start off on the right footing

RubySlippers Fri 01-Aug-08 14:41:21

i have to say Germany would not be my idea of a hot honeymoon destination but if you want to do Europe, Brussels is DIVINE or Venice, or Paris, or Rome ...

belgo Fri 01-Aug-08 14:48:26

I think any north european destination would be hit and miss with regards to weather in september.

I went to New York with dh before we married - we had a grat time - it's a fantastic place for young couples.

Poppycake Fri 01-Aug-08 14:49:54

can I just mention that large areas of Germany are absolutely gorgeous!! can't bear to see it dissed so heavily!! OK, I wouldn't go to Essen on honeymoon, but if someone said they were coming to the UK and I said - no no no - central Leeds is just not romantic - dyou see?

Apart from that - isn't choosing a honeymoon dest one of those things that are meant to be fun to do together? Why not print out lots of different ideas from the internet or go to a travel agent or something and decide together over much champagne. Frinstance?

Kimi Fri 01-Aug-08 14:53:03

I think you need to find a 3rd and final option

hannahsaunt Fri 01-Aug-08 14:53:24

I've lived in Germany and went to NY on honeymoon... Love them both but it has to be confesses Germany wouldn't really do it for me as a honeymoon destination. Isn't your honeymoon meant to be something a little exotic? If you can afford to go overseas try somewhere a bit more random (we wanted to go to Zanzibar but flight times didn't work out with the tiny amount of AL dh was allowed for the honeymoon - grrr).

OrmIrian Fri 01-Aug-08 14:54:22

Compromise. Go to Bognor grin

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