Gosh, this is going to sound like a right moan but if I don't get this off my chest it will only fester. So, we have been married now for 8 years, she is a wonderful mum to our two children, amazing. She is a caring and loving person to everyone, our neighbours say she is the most gentle soul and I am so very lucky to have her.
We have always supported her family "emotionally" and her dad was and is still a bully to her I think despite me having a very frank and robust discussion with him. her brother is a weak-willed lettuce of a man-boy who is scared of his own shadow and like his dad, is a free-loader who doesn't think of anyone but himself. We have spent our entire married life pandering to her family to (I now see) the detriment of our relationship and try as I might, I am at the point now where I just feel detached from her.
I am basically a cashpoint, childcare and home help and am about 5th on her priority list behind her dad, her brother, the children and her friends. I work full time in a high-level executive position (but never at the weekend or late evenings), we have a nice house, nice car, very comfortable life. I get up at 4:30 am so I can give her as much sleep time while I breakfast with ankle-biter #2 then head to the gym 4 days a week, I get back in at 5:30 pm, she is a full-time mother and so I get we are both tired but it's like a desert now. We are in bed for 9:30 pm and she is always tired. We still make each other laugh, we still hold hands, we still chat but it seems so superficial. To top it all off I feel like I have been supporting her, her mum and dad, her brother since we got married and now her ogre of a dad is moving to be nearer and I suspect she will end up doing more than the current all day Saturday visits (after her piano lesson of course).
I do as much as I can for her, I do dinner almost every night, I run her baths, I read with the kids at bedtime, I make sure she can go for dinner with her friends, go to classes that she wants to, I iron, I clean, I taxi everyone around, I buy her flowers, clothes and generally (I hope) make her feel wanted but now, I think I am just being taken for granted. Try as I might, every conversation always ends up with her crying and, our physical relation (which was never fantastic as I genuinely think she has a trauma she has never shared with me) is almost non-existent.
What can I do? I am honestly at the end of my tether. I love her and we have made a home together but I am not dead from the waist down and am much more than a wallet and home-help.
Sorry, just wanna get that off my chest. Does anyone else ever feel like that or am I being a jerk for wanting to be a slightly higher priority in her life?
As you were :)
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Am I being a jerk?
31 replies
DionysusUK · 21/07/2021 16:44
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