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Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

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Speak to new fathers on our Dads forum.

Dadsnet

Stag weekends/lapdancing....

43 replies

Quacks · 07/07/2006 09:04

Please could some of you nice blokes help me out here. My DH has to go to his younger brothers stag weekend in Blackpool and he was sent the itinery yesterday. He showed me they have to go to loads of seedy bars and they are booked into VIP seats at a lap dancing club. I'm really bothered by it and want to know why I canlt just say cool go for it DH. He knows my feelings and just said he would bow out at the lap dancing club, no probs, but I feel stupid if he does that.
What exactly have I got to worry about? Why does it bother me if he ogles some totty with nothing on??
Any views/experiences appreciated!!!

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fairydust · 07/07/2006 09:07

do you not trust him?
i can't see a problem personally i think it would b e worse if he hasn't told you he was going.

this is just my opion by the way.

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amber5 · 07/07/2006 09:10

do the girls have absolutely nothing on? or a bit of sparkle. are they actually desirable (or a bunch of slappers)? would being able to laugh about help do you think quacks?

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CarolinaMoose · 07/07/2006 09:11

dp went on his younger brother's stag do a couple of years ago and a few of them, inc dp, didn't go into the lapdancing place with the rest. You might be surprised at how many aren't interested in going in. Lots of blokes find it seedy too.

(I'm not a bloke btw )

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Quacks · 07/07/2006 09:12

Well 10 yrs ago before we were married he had a 1 night stand and I never forgot about it, although obviously I don;t bring it up all the time, it would ruin us. Things have been rocky of late, although a little better know but sex is almost none existent really, so feel a bit intimidated by lap dancers etc..

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Quacks · 07/07/2006 09:26

I wouldn;t know what type of dancers they are or the dedgree of nudity. He said he wouldn't go and if he says he won;t he won;t. But he can't be the only one go elsewhere that would look daft! They are all v young and he is older.

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BearintheBigBlueHouse · 07/07/2006 09:29

I've gone on stags and ducked out at the seedy bits, and I don't care what the others think. IMHO it's at best a lack of respect issue and at worst exploitation (or it supports those exploiting the women) - I've posted about this on another thread recently. I can't get over how many fathers of daughters can sit and ogle or worse and not connect to the possibility that one day, there but for the grace of God, some bloke could be ogling their little angel.

Don't feel stupid - it doesn't sound like you're an inveterate controlling type - if you've agreed between you that you'd rather he didn't go to the club, then all he's doing is honouring his word to you, rather than being under the thumb.

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chopsolata · 07/07/2006 09:30

Me and a friend got v. drunk one night and decided we would try out a lapdancing club. Have to say it was dark, nasty, and the women were munters. Lets be fair you dont get really smart women wanting to work in these clubs. They were ok but i wouldnt worry about my dh running off with one of them

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Quacks · 07/07/2006 09:35

Thanks! He does have 2 daughters and feels it's abit vile. I will try to just trust him and leave him to keep to his word. Thanks for the compliment about not being too controlloing! I'm trying really hard!

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Alan · 07/07/2006 09:36

I wouldnt like it either tbh. At least he has told you though, which is far better imo

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Quacks · 07/07/2006 09:45

He did tell me but think he was considering not telling me. He got the letter nad said it was the itinery and put it upstairs 'so it doesn't get lost'. I said what did your brother write to you about then? He told me then that there were lap dancers planned but his intention was not to go. Poor DH, hope I haven;t caused him any agro.

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MrsBadger · 07/07/2006 09:51

As has been mentioned, these clubs are never all they're cracked up to be, and the drinks cost a fortune so they never stay as long as they think they will.
Actually the last stag DH went on one of the chaps fell asleep with his head on the stage, so it can't even have been very interesting, let alone alluring.

Personally I don't have a problem with DH going at someone elses behest for an occasion eg on a stag, but he knows I think they're crap and seedy and I know he thinks so too - he'd certainly never suggest a visit.

I don't think you have anything to worry about, but it's much better to be honest with him about how you feel than worry in silence.
I know he's said he won't go and you believe him, and I'm not casting aspersions on his trustworthiness, but don't go nuts if you find out afterwards that he got drunk and was dragged along against his will - it is a stag after all.

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Quacks · 07/07/2006 10:07

Exactly, intentions are all well and good aren't they. Just want it over with really. Got the whole weekend of kids on my own too - hard!

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Rollingpapa · 07/07/2006 11:54

Guys get bored in these clubs quicker than you think. The sheer repetition of what the girls do quickly makes you realise what a con it all is, which rather takes away away the mystique. I remember on one stag watching a girl perform the same routine (with identical wiggles) for three different guys. The calculation of it all was slightly chilling.

Having said which, I don't know a single friend on their stag whose intended wasn't a teensy bit worried about what was going to happen "out there". That bit of worry is good for the bloke. It makes it clear to us that you love us and trust us, but...

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Quacks · 07/07/2006 13:38

but...... yes come on, tell me...

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zippitippitoes · 07/07/2006 13:46

I think it is quite normal for men not to bnother going on to these clubs or even clubbing of the normal variety..dp went to a stag weekend in edinburgh some time ago and out of about 6 of them only two went to lap dancing/strip club

In fact he spent some time actually looking around edinburgh while the others were sleeping off the hangover

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Rollingpapa · 07/07/2006 14:12

But... you don't know what bunch of guys + alcohol + "end-of-bachelor-days" vibe will do to your DH's behaviour when he goes to a strip club.

Short answer is: nothing, if you just talk about it. Besides which, you never know, just talking about a strip club with you may frisk him up a bit in your bedroom.

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HappyDaddy · 07/07/2006 15:16

My dw is always saying I should go and see some strippers but I just don't fancy it. It's all a bit seedy and very expensive and I wouldn't feel at all at odds if I was the only one not going. I'd go to the local bar and drink myself into a stupour.

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Quacks · 07/07/2006 18:32

Your dw must be mad! I do have a part of me that says just go - he's never been to one - as far as I know! maybe would do him good.

Yes it;s the vibe of bachelor days. He's oldest and only one with kids. He's a happy chap generally with his lot in life. Heloves getting out on a big night though and that's fine, wish that's all it was!

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Blondilocks · 07/07/2006 18:36

From what male friends have said you pay a fortune to go in & then are expected to pay another fortune for a lap dance and that the women are quite often old and unattractive. To be honest I wouldn't be worried about my OH going somewhere like this on a stag night. I would though if he just did it on a "normal" night out!!

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JellyNump · 07/07/2006 18:40

I was annoyed with dh who went to one in London, he said his mates wanted to take him to one and I said I'd prefer it if he didn't, so he said he wouldn't but ended up going because he was 'drunk'. Why is it being 'drunk' is an excuse for everything?
Has anyone been to Spearmint Rhinos????

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Blondilocks · 07/07/2006 18:47

From what my mates have said most of these clubs and even strippers are a bit of a disappointment as they have this image (ideal picture) of them being all glamourous & attractive I suppose and then they turn out completely the opposite.

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LittleCarlos · 07/07/2006 18:53

I recently left my husband over lap dancers and stag weekends. He swore he wouldnt see a lap dancer knowing how strong my views were on it and how it would hurt me. I trusted him - he betrayed that trust. I hope it was worth it for him.

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Quacks · 08/07/2006 16:09

Gosh, he must have hurt you badly. I'm hurt badly like that too, but I think it's how they handle the situation isn;t it.

I hate alcohol being used as an excuse too but it is the easy cop out. No one likes to think of their other half ogling some tart in a lap dancing club but it seems to be automatically added into their package. They get free drinks and entry to top clubs and lap dancing. Urgh!

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zippitippitoes · 08/07/2006 16:26

apparently the spearmint rhino lap dancers are very classy and nice looking..and well paid (in Birmingham anyway)

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emsiewill · 08/07/2006 17:25

A friend at work recently went to a lap dancing club on a stag. I get the feeling he wasn't really that bothered about going, but felt he had to go along with it. Then the group decided that they would all have a 'special' individual lap dance, at a cost of £60 each . It apparently lasted for 20 minutes, and he was so drunk and bored he said he found it hard to stay awake...

My dh has been to one, and I didn't mind, because he told me, and it was a one-off on a particular occasion. If it became a 'normal' part of a night out for him, I wouldn't be happy, I would wonder what he was hoping to get out of it that he couldn't at home, as well as because it is such an expensive thing to do.

Quacks, your dh has told you and said that he won't go if you don't want him to - he obviously cares about what you think, and doesn't want to lie to you. If you can bear it, I think you should let him go, and try not to think too hard about it.