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Should I visit Father gravely ill without Covid?

(38 Posts)
ShouldIVisit Mon 06-Apr-20 22:50:04

My 90 year old mother is looking after my 90 year old father, not expected to live more than a month. They do not have Covid 19 as yet. He is in a hospital bed at home dosed up on morphine (or some other sedative) and has nurses and carers visiting.

My family have been self isolating for weeks and washing down any food coming into the house.

Would you regard visits within the next month (10 miles) as essential? I would wear gloves and masks even if home made from laminate.

It is another for my 90 year old mother to cope with alone.

OP’s posts: |
ShouldIVisit Mon 06-Apr-20 22:50:59

PS: I understand the risk of carers carrying Covid and would maintain distance etc.

OP’s posts: |
PoptartPoptart Mon 06-Apr-20 22:52:29

Yes, I would in your shoes op.
So sorry about your dad 💐

SpeedwellBlue Mon 06-Apr-20 22:53:49

Yes i think in this situation you can visit. flowers

KavvLar Mon 06-Apr-20 22:54:10

I'm so sorry for your situation, it can't be easy. Can you do anything via video call / through a window / safe distance to bridge the gap? It isn't the same I know but it might provide some comfort and contact. Wishing you the best. flowers

Uppingham Mon 06-Apr-20 22:54:13

Yes, I would. You will regret it if you don’t. I’m so sorry you and your family are going through this.

pocketem Mon 06-Apr-20 22:54:46

Yes, do it

CoffeeRunner Mon 06-Apr-20 22:55:55

Well official advice would be no.

But. You say he is terminally ill? Is that a certainty? If so, I would go. I know I would be going against advice but I would risk it. But I would also have to accept that there was an increased risk to my otherwise healthy 90 year old mum.

I’m sorry OP, such a shitty situation to be in.

browzingss Mon 06-Apr-20 22:56:27

It’s a hard choice

I think if he ends up in hospital you’d only be able to say goodbye over the phone due to no visitors being permitted. So I understand wanting to see him in person.

However you also have to consider the risk to your mother, your father might not be expected to live for a month but that’s not the case for your mum, she’s still vulnerable to covid. I can’t tell you it’s safe for you to visit your mum, you could be carrying the virus and pass it on to her. No one on here can guarantee that you don’t have it unfortunately. Especially if you intend to make various visits, you could pick it up in the future.

pepperpod28 Mon 06-Apr-20 22:57:11

Yes I would. You've been isolating long enough to be fairly sure you don't have it, and caring responsibilities is one of the valid reasons given for going out. I don't think anyone would hold it against you. I'm so sorry about your dad flowers

1300cakes Mon 06-Apr-20 22:57:15

Yes I would go.

minimummum Mon 06-Apr-20 22:57:22

I would go. Thinking of you at these difficult times.

Oakmaiden Mon 06-Apr-20 23:00:01

Well, you shouldn't. As he has carers etc you aren't needed for care, and thus it is a non essential visit.

However, I would probably go regardless. It would just be too hard not to.

angelikacpickles Mon 06-Apr-20 23:01:17

I would go.

PomBearsyummy Mon 06-Apr-20 23:03:27

Yes, the chance you have it is probably low.

Mumoftwoyoungkids Mon 06-Apr-20 23:03:40

Would you be able to go, see him but also do something that a carer normally does and so reduce a carer visit? That will then put you in both the letter and the spirit of the law, reduce the chance of Covid for your parents (self isolating you has to be safer than a carer who is visit a number of sick people) and mean that you can visit your dad.

maddy68 Mon 06-Apr-20 23:05:34

I would. That time is precious. I know you shouldn't but I would especially as you probably won't be able to say goodbye at a funeral I'm so sorry 💔

ACertainSupermarket Mon 06-Apr-20 23:08:11

Visit. You will struggle mentally if you don't see him.
In terms of risk, he is at risk from all the nurses and carers anyway, so you won't make much difference.
But the protection you would probably need would be to yourself from the additional visitors in his home,

AmelieTaylor Mon 06-Apr-20 23:09:05

I don’t know. I would be terrified of giving it to my Mum.

I’m sorry you’re going through this, especially at this time 💐

Gingerkittykat Mon 06-Apr-20 23:09:16

Go to your dad, take all the hygiene precautions you can but give him some human contact.

Even the local nursing homes are letting people in for their loved ones end of life.

ViciousJackdaw Mon 06-Apr-20 23:17:45

YANBU. Only the cruellest type of person would object to this. I'll admit I've been very militant about 'stay at home' on here but in a case like this, I do think you must go. I doubt virtual handholds from internet strangers mean a jot to you but here, have one anyway.

Shiteteabags Mon 06-Apr-20 23:18:59

Yes I would

Bargebill19 Mon 06-Apr-20 23:19:24

Go. Do it the safest way you can. But go.

littlemixarerubbish Mon 06-Apr-20 23:22:25

Yes I would OP. As you said, carers are going in. They're likely to be a higher risk to him than you are.
I think you'll regret it if you don't, you need to go and say goodbye. thanks

justasking111 Mon 06-Apr-20 23:24:38

The carers who have to visit a number of homes daily are a higher risk they say. So yes, go. I am glad I saw my father, he died the following day.

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