Is my 2 year old AUTISTIC? Please help!!

[Kayah123]

Hello ladies.

Okay so this post is long coming, i have put off from posting for the last few months because I have been scared and honestly not wanting to admit to myself but it is very apparent my son is not developing like a normal toddler should and it breaks my heart.

Firstly he is the most cute, charming little boy ever and i would not change him for the world, however hes behaviour is very challenging more so now than ever! he just turned 2 last month and honestly i have thought in my heart something is up with him since he was around 1 year old but just never wanted to admit it.

these are the things he does/ doesnt do.

1. he walks on his toes, not constantly tho
   
2. flaps hes hands
   
3. jumps all day long
   4)humms pretty much from the minute he wakes up to the minute he goes to bed
   5)has not spoke a single word- not even mummy or daddy
   6)responds to name only when you call him several times
   7)can throw violent tantrums
   8)has this strange thing of licking everything, his toys, the wall basically anything, even people at times.
   9)spins everything with wheels and wont play with them how he should
   10)does not point at all/ never has
   
   on the other hand, hes eye contact is very good, he loves to hug, he smiles and laughs a lot, he does follow basic instructions like come here, stop that, give me that. he can feed himself, uses a spoon as he should, drinks from a cup and not really fussy with food, he can eat anything, hes sleep is pretty decent.
   
   i guess am just after some reassurance that everything will be okay as i have kind of already diagnosed him. i know i shouldn't but someone tell me how my son can do all of these things and nothing to be wrong with him, i guess i have already accepted that there is definitely something going on. he was referred to speech when he was 18 months, he went but nothing, he has now been referred for development checks where they will check if he is autistic or has any other condition, he starts nursery January and am very nervous and dont know how he will cope.
   
   i also have a 5 month old and am in my most challenging times as my son can be a handful and dealing with an infant its a lot, i find my self shouting and screaming at times, i really need to find ways to cope because i am on a verge of loosing it.

[Waterparc]

Sympathies,
It’s great you are thinking it over at a young age.

The licking /spinning etc is about his sensory integration being a bit imbalanced.

There is a dvd called “teach me to listen and obey” (don’t be put off by the title). It takes you through the stages of learning to understand language.

Have a think about picture languages.(we just used photos)

I think if you break things down it’s a bit less overwhelming.

You’ll start to find ways to help him.
Go9d luckx

[myidentitymycrisis]

I think he does sound as if he has some traits. Many autistic people can feed themselves and answer to their name, you can see that he can learn. If he is diagnosed you will get support and professional help and early intervention is crucial.

[BackforGood]

First of all, you know nobody can diagnose anybody over the internet, but I think you also know that - from what you describe - it is fairly likely he will get an autism diagnosis.
Secondly, being 'wired differently' doesn't mean there is 'something wrong with him. He will still be "the most cute, charming little boy ever". Having a diagnosis will unlock some help that will be much more difficult to get otherwise. If he finds it difficult to access some things (maybe education , maybe some social situations), then having a diagnosis gives a 'shorthand' explanation to people, to use as a starting point whilst they get to know him.

Re Nursery, staff will be very used to little ones with autism, or presenting as potentially having autism without yet having a diagnosis. The important thing is, is to be open and honest with them. That way you will have a much better dialogue and support will reach him sooner.

Re help for yourself - contact the local CC, they may well have suppotive groups you can attend (they do by me). Also speak to your HV who may know of others. There are fab charities (NAS ; Resources for Autism; Barnardos; Kids; and hundreds of small local ones) who run parent support groups and also run courses on understanding autism and things you can do to help. Many of them have on line forums that you can chat with other parents even if you can't get out. Some have local coffee mornings / stay and play so you can get out.
In my authority, anyone who goes to the autism assessment is offered a series of workshops afterwards to help them understand their child's condition. It is also a chance to meet other parents in the same position as yourself and a lt of parents get a lot of mutual support from each other, arising from that.

There is also some magnificent support on MN. Go and have a look in the SEN section, and ask the posters over there for a hand hold.

[LauraMipsum]

Apart from no words, that was DD at 2yo. She had language but often couldn't / wouldn't use it.

She's 4 now and still jumps, hums and flaps all day. She's also achieving really well in a wonderful nursery and has support from OT and SLT. The massive tantrums / meltdowns have improved and she has started playing in a more typical way with direction from other children.

She still licks my face though

[Haworthia]

You’ve definitely mentioned a few things that would ring alarm bells for me (I have a speech delayed boy aged 3, so I’ve done a lot of Googling).

Take the MCHAT test here: m-chat.org/en-us/page/take-m-chat-test/online

Your health visitor should do his two year check soon. Mention everything and that will probably set the wheels in motion for an appointment with a paediatrician. Or even try asking your GP for a referral.

[fleshmarketclose]

As parent to two children with autism both diagnosed at two I would say that your child's behaviours have some red flags and you should be asking for a referral to a developmental paed and a speech therapist.

[fleshmarketclose]

Please don't rely on a HV having any real expertise in child development, all concerns should be discussed with a GP at the very least.

[ExCharlieBucket]

My sons autistic and sounds like he was similar to yours at 2.

Get on with the diagnosis now, start with your HV or GP. Understand that it will take a LONG TIME - we've only just had our through and hes almost six! But also by the time he was diagnosed, he had grown out of the stimming the flapping and the licking and you would only think hes slightly shy now. There's good reasons why they proceed slowly - some can just be developmental issues. My son didnt say a word til he was 3 and now he doesnt stop talking.

It came on so suddenly literally overnight - suddenly obsessed with various songs etc) that I'm always vigilant and will probably never be complacent about his/his mental health.happiness etc. To some extent you need to manage your own anxieties too - there are loads of autism charities and support groups on FB and I had loads of reassuring advice here.

Finally, we removed gluten and most dairy from my sons diet but bit and it really helped his symptoms.

[BackforGood]

Haworthia, fleshmarketclose, and ExCharlieBucket it says in the OP that he has now been referred for development checks where they will check if he is autistic or has any other condition,

Fleshmarket - There are many, many situations where a HV will pick up things that a GP won't, specialising as they do in U5s, unlike GPs who have to have a handle on the whole range of life.

[ExCharlieBucket]

@backforgood
My point was that I found the wait excrutiatingly stressful and only relaxed about it once I realised why it takes so long. Common sense but not always obvious if you're fretting.

Anway, OP, Good Luck

[Iesugrist]

I was a bit surprised about the HV comment - in my area most of the preschool autism referrals come from HV not GP and they are very well-informed about child development. Whereas GPs have a huge range of things to cover in adults plus children and few have a specific interest in child development (which is fine!).

[fleshmarketclose]

You obviously have a better HV service in your area than we do in ours then. I would still say a HV has no specialist knowledge of child development though and IME it is far better to raise concerns with a GP who can refer on as necessary. My second child didn't ever have a HV because after the HV to my first child was thrown out of the MDT assessment by the paed I couldn't see the value and all health checks and immunisations were done by GP who coincidentally agreed that a HV wasn't necessary or useful in my case. I would say the reason dd was referred at twelve months to a developmental paed was directly because we didn't have a HV and so I didn't have to experience the platitudes and downright ignorance from a HV that I had previously. HV to ds was just a barrier to him receiving a referral to a paed tbh in fact I thing that when a paed on seeing your child for the first time remarks "so they think this is normal then? I have huge concerns about how bad it has to be before I would get a referral from that practice if this is considered to be normal" Incidentally that HV was forced to resign soon after the MDT meeting after a baby nearly died when she dismissed a parent's concerns and blocked a GP appointment.

[Fundays12]

My oldest child is autistic and yes it sounds like he potentially could be. Although the autism spectrum is very wide to get a diagnosis he would need to have a triad of impairments including social, communication, rigid obsessive behaviour. It could be a developmental delay but the hand flapping sounds potentially like autism. How is he in situations that could potentially cause sensory overload such a noisy places, crowds, shops, toddler groups etc? Is he trying to play with other kids?

[Iesugrist]

Oh dear fleshmarketclose, it sounds as if there's lots of evidence that things are falling quite short of where they should. Hope your area can sort their business out as health visiting quite a key area in the developmental pathway!

[Kayah123]

Thanks for all the replies ladies, i really appreciate.

Yes my son has been reffered and he has hes appointment set in feb 2019. he was reffered back in september so it would be 6 months to when he was reffered.

I think i already know that he is on the spectrum i guess for now its just coming to terms with it and actually getting him officially diagnosed.

I am just so worried that am making my self sick! its the uncertainty that comes with it.

will he ever talk, will he learn how to cope, how will he be treated by others- just thinking about these things is upsetting and am constantly crying when i think about these things. I understand that its a very long road ahead i am just not sure how i will cope as its all just a bit much right now. I keep asking myself why my son? why him?

But i know that i will do whatever it takes to get him all the help he needs to flourish in life.

i will look into those support groups and try to educate myself more about it.

[ExCharlieBucket]

Honestly, OP, the uncertainty is so hard but I think symptoms peak and trough. I never thought my son would make it into mainstream school at all and he's there, doing OK.

We try to shore up his self esteem and reduce anxiety as much as possible, calmness, routine, and even hypnosis apps all help. And you need to do that for yourself as well, its a hard time awiting for an answer.

It's exhausting, but you get used to it to some extent.

[JKCR2017]

It does sound like he has some traits, but it could also be normal 2 year old behaviour. It can be really hard to tell at that age.

My Eldest has autism, he didn’t speak at all until 4 and lacked any kind of understanding, lacked any non verbal communication skills, didn’t wave it point until 2, he made little eye contact, had behavioural & sensory issues and the most pickiest eater I’ve ever met. Yet, he was and still is the most happiest, bubbliest, affectionate child you could meet and he never flapped his hands or anything.

My daughter is 3 and also undergoing for an asd assessment but she is a complete opposite to DS. She doesn’t talk much, but she’s confident, likes to play with other children, eats well with a knife and fork and has no behavioural issues.

Each and every child with asd is different yet often similar.

Like I said, my son was non verbal until 4 and I didn’t think he’d ever talk but now at 7 he doesn’t stop!

If your son has asd, it really helps to
Meet other people in the same boat. Support groups etc. You will be surprised how many people have children with asd or themselves. There are also support groups on Facebook.

I wish you the best of luck with everything!

[Redskyandrainbows67]

Has his hearing been checked?

[cestlavielife]

One step at a time.
He needs you to be strong and to get informed about his abilities and love him for who he is.
It will be ok.
He may not do some things but will do others.
He does not need you to cry over him. That won't help him. He knows nothing different. He is who he is. Access support. join parent groups. (Ds with asd sld is now 22)

[Willow1992]

Just to back up seeing the HV first - just yesterday I took my 4yo son to the GP over concerns with his development and he told me outright that he didn't have the expertise to assess him so to take him to the HV at the children's centre.

[fleshmarketclose]

Willow if GP doesn't have the expertise he should be referring up to a paediatrician and not down to a HV tbh.

[ElyElyOy]

I our area the HV deals with any child development issues before a child is 5, not a GP. They arrange basic tests themselves (ages and stages, hearing, sight etc) and then refer on to community development paediatricians. The GP doesn’t get involved (other than getting copied in to correspondence).

[BackforGood]

Fleshmarket I'm sorry you have had a poor experience, but you have to understand that it is not only common practice, but actually good practice for folk to talk to their HVs in the first instance. Yes, they will refer to a Paediatrician as and when needed, but, in the first instance, in most areas to do with child development, the HV will have far more expertise and experience than a GP who has to have a vast range of knowledge about hundreds of thousands of conditions that might affect folk of all ages. I'm sorry it didn't work for you, but it is definitely the best route for most people in most parts of the country. Here, HVs will also make time to have conversations with Nurseries too, which GPs just don't have the luxury of having, and they are more likely to be able to make time to do a viit in to the home. All of which helps to build a holistic picture of the child.

[fleshmarketclose]

Backforgood HV's don't have expertise though that is the point. They have no specialist knowledge of child development despite their assertions and whatever their experience and all developmental concerns should be referred to a paediatrician.

[BackforGood]

No-one is disputing that concerns should be referred on to a paediatrician. However (where I live certainly) you can't self refer, someone needs to refer you to the paediatrician. Where I live, that can be a GP, but the overwhelming majority of pre-school referrals to a paediatrician are made by HVs, and Nurseries, and then some are made by SaLTs and a small minority by GPs.
Because they deal with U5s all the time they have a better 'feel' for when a referral needs to be made, and when it doesn't.
I also work across the border with 2 other authorities, so know it isn't just my authority.
Now, there's potential to get a person who is poor at their job in any role, and it seems that is what you came across, but, overwhelmingly HVs and Nursery staff are very aware when children present 'differently' and when interventions might help and when it is time to refer for a full paediatric assessment.
'All' concerns don't merit that.
I remember when dc3 was about 18months I was concerned about her speech, and the HV was able to reassure me and make some suggestions. She was absolutely right. Because I, as a parent, 'had a concern' it didn't mean she needed to see a paediatrician.