Scared of having second birth :(

[Needadviceplz]

I'm 36 weeks now and starting to panic about labour. I don't know how I want to give birth. I had an epidural last time so feel like I didn't give birth if that makes sense at all. I know stupid.
I had a second degree and a episiotomy with a vontuse to get my baby out.

Was in hospital for a week both me and baby had an infection and I had a bit of a break down as couldn't sleep for days. I was convinced the epidural and pethidine made me loose my mind as I really didn't feel like myself after. Although I have no proof of that.

I want to have a natural birth but terrified ill have a fourth degree and all the intervention but be able to feel it. I have so much scar tissue I don't feel like I could possibly stretch. I'm getting so anxious not knowing what I should go for. I want a more positive birth this time as I really hated how medicalized my first was and how I couldn't move in labour and think it contributed to my having pnd. I'm convinced that maybe I wouldn't of needed so much intervention if I didn't have an epidural.

Sorry if that doesn't make much sense.
Can people share their experiences of second births please?

[puds11]

Mine was an emergency c section so not the relaxing water birth I’d planned!

I did hear of someone using a hypno birthing app recently and she said it was really good.

Have you been doing a perennial massage to help with the tightness?

[Needadviceplz]

Thanks for your advice. Don't want to massage the area as wasn't that long ago I had my first and it still hurts so just get a bit queezy thinking about trying to stretch it. I know I sound like a wimp! I found relaxing music helps and learning breathing techniques.

[Fanniesyeraunt]

Hi, I wanted to come and share my 2nd birth story with you. I too was terrified after a 24hour labour resulting in epidural, episiotomy and ventouse delivery with my first!
I cried my eyes out when I went into labour with my 2nd and tried to delay going to hospital - well, all I can say is as labour/birth goes it was pretty great actually! Helped in part by having a really lovely midwife. I was encouraged to walk around for ages (as opposed to being left lying for ages on my back with the first) and given a big gym-ball to bounce on. I ended up having him about 3 hours after arriving at the hospital and only had gas and air. I now have 4 dc’s and funnily enough I always think of my 2nd as being the easiest. I don’t think it’s necessarily that 3 and 4 were harder (and they too were just gas and air quick-ish births) but more that the 2nd seemed so easy and relaxed compared to what happened with the first that I was a bit shocked at how different it was.
Funnily enough my 2nd dc is the most chilled out and well behaved of them all!!
Good luck, try not to worry. Baby has to come out and if you’re stressed it won’t help things. Chances are it’ll be nothing like the first - everyone says their first was the worst!

[DramaAlpaca]

Oh gosh, you had a bit of a rough time having your first, didn't you?

I had a very similar birth with DS1, but I had forceps instead of ventouse. I didn't have any problems in the hospital postnatally though, I was lucky. I had an epidural, which meant I couldn't feel to push, so I had an episiotomy and then the forceps. I agree with you in that I'm sure that without the epidural I wouldn't have needed the intervention. I bloody needed the epidural though!

I had DS2 only 16 months later, and I was terrified of how it would go. I was also worried about the scar tissue. However, I was pleasantly surprised. Labour took 12 hours, half the time it had with DC1. I didn't need an epidural, I was able to cope without it. I was offered an episiotomy but ended up tearing instead - that's my one regret, I wish they'd done the episiotomy sooner as the tear took a while to heal, but that was the only problem I had.

Could you have a chat to your midwife about how you are feeling? She should be able to reassure you. Is there a possibility of a ELCS if you'd prefer one? Whatever you decide, hope it all goes well.

[MildDrPepperAddiction]

I am 32 weeks with DC4.

Like you I have had some not nice experiences (#1 forceps with 3rd degree tear & PPH, #2 failed ventouse, failed forceps, EMCS, #3 ELCS as i needed the control).

I have a really supportive consultant this time and I have been preparing for labour & birth with hypnobirthing. It has helped me release some fears and I am finding I am looking forward to the birth & meeting baby now.

You can get online or in person courses. Why don't you have a look in to it & see if it's for you?

Good luck

[Babyfg]

I had a really similar first labour to you- induction, epidural, back to back, Ventouse, episiotomy, haemorrhage, blood transfusions. It took me months to get over.
My second was a totally different ball game. Quick labour, no tearing, no pain relief. I was back up and feeling more my self a couple of days later.

I had the same fear. So much so that during active labour I kept trying to get into different positions That discourage back to back (even though at that stage it wouldn't have made a difference).

I do really recommend having one of those meetings where you go over your birth notes with a midwife (I can't remember what it's called) but I found that really useful. I had so many questions as I didn't take any info on board at the time with everything going on.

Are you consultant lead? I was with my second because of the previous birth. At your next appointment ask for excersises that encourage the baby not to be back to back (I can't really remember them but I know washing the floor on all fours was one of them). Get as much information as you can about specific fears you have as knowledge is power.

And finally after my long winded message- I do recommend trying to think of each pregnancy birth as a separate unit. Like my second pregnancy felt very different to my first and my labour was different. It sounds really cheesy and stupid but it really helped me (like mentally thinking this is baby number two, not my first. I felt more queasy this time, I craved wotsits and didn't before, it moved more when I am watching eadtenders) it really helped me to put some distance between my first birth and that this wasn't the same journey.

[Babyfg]

Sorry for the long message but I so felt what your feeling now!

[PPopsicle]

Hello OP!
I found hypnobirthing really worked, and always asking any questions during labour, and making sure you ask for medication with plenty of time.
I planned a calming water birth in a midwife led unit, and ended up with a 72 hour labour and EMCS, but I still see it as such a positive experience because I kept listening to my birthing music and never allowed myself to get overwhelmed. If at any point I felt even the tiniest bit of panic, I said to my partner “remind me how to breath” and we did deep, calming breaths together.
Every birth is so so very different, but you are in control

[Lottt]

I had an induction with my first baby which involved the drip and then a long labour and nearly two hours pushing. It caused a third degree tear that took four months to recover from.

My second baby (18 months later) was also a induction (because I was terrified of having a large baby again and another bad tear). My waters were broken artificially and then I laboured (fairly painlessly) for an hour before spending five minutes pushing. I had a tiny bit of gas and air throughout but no other pain relief. From my waters being broken to holding the baby it was just under an hour and a half. I left the hospital about seven hours after the birth with a tiny graze but not in much pain at all.

It was such a difference experience to my first!

[TillyTheTiger]

I had a similar first labour to yours, pretty traumatic.
Best thing I did before my second birth was download the Positive Birth Company digital pack and work through it, it helped SO much. Made me feel much more knowledgeable and in control.
Like you, I felt I wanted a less medicalised second birth. It couldn't have gone better - was 4.5 hours from start to finish, water birth at home in my living room, completely straightforward, no pain relief at all, and it was magical.
thepositivebirthcompany.co.uk/digital-pack

[Needadviceplz]

Thanks everyone you've really lifted my spirits. Such lovely second experiences compared to firsts is really reassuring.

I'm waiting for a birth reflection meeting but sadly they're booked up until after I'm due but I am on a cancellation list.

Up until a few days ago I was set on getting epidural fast as possible incase I couldn't get one and I just wouldn't cope and the worry that my birth partners wouldn't.

Then I saw my midwife who didn't think there was any reason I couldn't give birth naturally and really thinks I should as to have that 'I did it feeling' that I didn't have with the first because of all the medical interventions is what she thinks I should try to have.

It's what I want deep down to not feel weak that I can do this. I know that the important thing is we are both safe and that all births that achieve that should be seen as successful but as I'm planning on not having anymore after I really want this birth to be special and intern hopefully that'll have a better impact on my mental health if I was to have pnd issues again.

[Needadviceplz]

Thanks for the suggestions I have music I found helpful after the birth which I'm going to listen to. I don't want to pay for anything as I don't want the pressure of it not working and feeling guilty if that makes sense I nearly went to a hypnobirthing class but was 250 and with a toddler and a house doing up I really want to find any free YouTube videos or books that people used and found helpful?

[Needadviceplz]

*With elcs I would of pushed for that but with having a toddler I just can't as I lift her all the time and need to be back on my feet soon as possible another reason I want a natural birth.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

I had an epidural and it was a fantastic experience even if it did end with forceps / episiotomy. Bring some essential oils in and your birth partner can give you a nice massage while you are giving birth - it will help calm you and ease any muscle strain

[Shopkinsdoll]

I was so crabit and bad tempered all through my second pregnancy. Mix of hormones and dreading the birth. But it’s going to happen anyway, no way about it. I know it’s ok for me to say that now lol. My second labour from start to finish took 20 min. I know I’m a little smug lol. But you don’t know how it’s going to end up. You’ll have a beautiful baby in the end x

[PPopsicle]

OP, I’m going to let you into a little fact.

You birthed a baby. That means you’re fully entitled to that “I did it” feeling. Whether the baby came out with no assistance, whether you needed forceps, whether it needed vontouse, or whether it decided to come up the sunroof. You did it.

And you’ll do it again, in a different way, but you’ll do it.

And be bloody proud of yourself.

Your mental health will no be thankful you had a ‘natural’ birth, it will be thankful when you feel in control, whether that is with a EMCS, epidural, gas and air or simply swearing.

[Needadviceplz]

Thanks popsicle. I'm going to try just go with the flow and stay open minded. I'll let you guys know what happens

[hazandduck]

@Needadviceplz I am the same as you, 38 weeks on Thursday with my second and just shitting myself about the birth, literally lying a awake each night! Have just bought the Positive Birthing Digital Pack and hoping to have a homebirth. The thing is my birth with DD was fine, I didn’t have an epidural, had episiotomy and ventouse, but I am most scared of the transitional contractions and like you just wanted a guaranteed epidural, but you can’t guarantee one :( I asked for one at the end with my daughter but when they checked me I was ready to push. I asked Dh to kill me, knock me out, I went nuts when my contractions kicked off. I now have the combination of fearing the known - whereas before you know what giving birth is like you have blissful ignorance! - but I am also just focusing so much on my toddler, what will happen with her, will she be ok, she’s never had sleepovers really any where else I have never really trusted anyone else to have her.

I’m sorry my post probably isn’t helpful to you but you’re not alone in how you feel x

[student26]

Hi! I just had my second baby five days ago so birth story all fresh. I requested a second epidural and I made it clear I wanted it as soon as possible. My waters broke naturally at night so we headed to the hospital. I was put on them CTG machine as I felt he wasn’t moving as much as usual so he was monitored for an hour. During which i flooded the bed with the waters. Again! The Dr wasn’t very happy with he CTG (because although eh was moving, I couldn’t feel him) so told me I had to stay in. Perfect, as I didn’t want to go back home as it was a fair bit away. Contractions started about an hour later. I found them came on quite quickly this time and quite painful but all in my back. I found I had to move about and bounce up and down for pain relief. I called someone for pain relief as it was getting very painful, even only be my tenth contraction! I got gas and air and asked for an epidural. I got that fairly quickly and I really needed it. It didn’t work down one side as much as it should so the Dr came back to administer more. That worked! My entire left leg went dead and most of my right leg. Contractions kept on coming but I felt nothing. It got a bit scary, well, bloody terrifying, at one point when baby’s heart rate dipped down suddenly and the room filled with Drs and nurses. I couldn’t stop shaking or tears dripping down my face. The midwife kept asking me to go on my side and his heart rate went back up! They think he was just lying on the cord when I was lying down. But it kept happening so the amazing Dr got ready and used a ventouse. I got ready to push when I was told as I didn’t feel the contractions. And here is my favourite bit. Although I felt no pain, I could still feel him being born and travelling down and I felt like I had done something. I felt like I had pushed him out and I felt so, so, so proud of myself. There was no way to describe the feeling. He was born and put straight on my chest and I cries with relief. He was here and perfect! When he was being born he was making little squeaks!
I got a second degree tear which required stitches and I have to say, there was a heck of a lot of swelling down there, I looked like I had grown testicles! The swelling went down quickly though.
Labour was 6hrs and 24 minutes, a drastic improvement of 25 hours from my first!
My best advice is to ask for pain relief BEFORE it gets too bad. Remember there is often a wait for epidurals, etc and by the time it comes the pain can be horrendous. You can do this! You have done it before. You will be amazing. Good luck!!!!

[ColdCottage]

I don't know if it helps as still medicated but 3 friends had such hard first births that at least one had ptsd from it. For their second babies they all after some discussion opted for planned c-sections and all were pleased they did. After frighting first births the second one was calm and positive.

[Beseen19]

I did everything the 'right' way to reduce tears, no intervention such as forceps, didnt give birth on my back, refused epidural and still got a third degree tear. I think it was a combination of small perineum and large headed baby. Also he wasn't engaged when I was induced and I gave birth quite quickly which I don't think allowed everything to stretch properly. Funnily enough I always wonder if I had an epidural and the pushing stage was a bit slower and controlled whether I could have avoided the tear.
Third and fourth degree tears really aren't all that common, I've never spoken to anyone else in real life who has had one. And my midwife said that she can't see any reason that would indicate with my history that I shouldn't have another successful vaginal birth. I'm on a fb support group for severe tears and the majority of people who dont choose ELCS seem to end up with a lower degree or the same degree tear as their first birth. Not many seem to go from 3rd to 4th.
Good luck with everything. I am due on Monday and keep having to have repeat CTGs and I've got to the stage I don't really care what degree of tearing I get I just want him out safely. Not sure if that's just hormones...I am not as emotionally stable as normal this week!

[Tittie]

I could have written your post!

I gave birth to my second baby last week. I too had been panicking big time for weeks, because of how the first labour went (induction, epidural, forceps, episiotomy, heavy blood loss). Recovery was slow and affected bonding with baby as well as negatively impacting on the breastfeeding experience.

I can honestly say that the second labour couldn't have been more different: it was a lovely water birth, I only needed gas and air, it happened so much quicker (dc was born 1 hr after arriving at hospital, a 3 hr labour in total), and I felt in control. I did tear a bit but not badly, and the midwife didn't think it was affected by the previous episiotomy scar tissue. The lovely midwife described the whole thing as 'chilled out' - something I couldn't have imagined a fortnight ago! I was close to requesting an ELCS.

Your fears are completely understandable, but every pregnancy and labour is different from the last. Second labours are often quicker and more straightforward, so there's every chance that yours will be too. Speak to your midwife for reassurance at your next appointment, and see what advice she has.

However baby comes out, you should feel proud of yourself. You've got this - good luck!

[annlee3817]

Sorry you had a bad experience the first time round, I can recommend hypnobirthing, particularly to help your anxiety in the lead up. You don't have to do a class. I used the Maggie Howell CD and book, mainly the CD. You can get the cd on Amazon for £10.99, it focusses on breathing and staying calm and it really helped me stay calm in labour. Hope all goes well for you second time round

[corduroyal]

First labour was a stinker ending in emcs, second was a few hours and gas and air (plus a bit of yelling)

It was so much better. I think first time is worse because you have to deal with the birth recovery plus the reality of becoming a parent.

[Iwillsleepin2020]

Speaking from experience in this area - second babies are a different ball game. They are normally the most straightforward labour, even more so than 3rd and 4th babies, who tend to be more ‘awkward’. The labours are notoriously quick, especially as your first child is still so young.

I’ve got great confidence that you are going to have a much more positive experience. It is statistically very unlikely you’ll be in labour for a long time or that you’ll require an instrumental delivery. Throw out any expectations, do some deep breathing techniques and focus completely on feeling positive and that glow you will feel afterwards holding your baby.