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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Childbirth

if grandparents, aunties/uncles live local

51 replies

backonthewagon · 07/05/2016 10:52

When did you let them see baby? Did anyone not let them come to hospital for visiting?

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TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 07/05/2016 11:02

My Mum and brother came to the hospital a few hours after I gave birth and then I went to stay with them for a couple of weeks afterwards.

I think it depends on your relationship with them and how you feel after giving birth. Some women just want to be left to it and some want the company. Its up to you

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katiegg · 07/05/2016 11:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NannawifeofBaldr · 07/05/2016 11:09

Both sets of HOs came to the hospital and everyone else came in the week following when we got home.

It was tiring and I really wasn't well post birth however a friend of mine's SIL banned the family including her (Babies Aunt) and her Mum (Babies GM) from seeing her new grandchild for the first two weeks (as is often recommended on MN) and they were absolutely devastated and the relationship has never really recovered.

They said nothing about it and did as asked. On the surface everything is fine there remains a lot of bad feeling

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NotSoFancyHanky · 07/05/2016 11:10

Lived abroad for first two babies so not an issue.
With third was only in overnight so banned visitors besides dh as wanted time to establish bf without needing to worry about covering up etc!

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PotteringAlong · 07/05/2016 11:13

They don't live near by and still came to the hospital. Surely no one actually says no in real life to grandparents visiting?

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LadyAntonella · 07/05/2016 11:16

I let them all come to the hospital. I didn't think I would want that beforehand but at the time I really loved having visitors. I preferred it to having visitors at home.

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LaurieLemons · 07/05/2016 11:21

Don't tell them straight away, it's important to have the first few hours just you guys IMO. I had in-laws, aunties and siblings all waiting outside while I was giving birth and I regret telling anyone now.

If I could do it again I'd wait a couple of hours then have everyone down

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sophree · 07/05/2016 11:58

I didn't have any visitors until I'd been home for 4 days

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backonthewagon · 07/05/2016 13:55

sophree Was that day 5 after baby had been born (when they were 4 days old?) or did you have to stay in hospital?

How far away do grandparents/aunties/uncles live?

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scrivette · 07/05/2016 13:57

Ds1 only my mum and dad came, DS2 my parents and InLaws both came.

I was struggling to establish breastfeeding with DS1 and didn't really want my InLaws there.

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backonthewagon · 07/05/2016 17:34

scrivette when did your ils come with ds1?

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winchester1 · 07/05/2016 17:38

Our hospital doesn't allow visitors other than OH whenever and siblings at certain times. So DC 1 was seen by mil two days after and dc2a week after, when we brought them home. Others visited during the next week or so. (OHs dad and my patents ate dead.)

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ALongTimeComing · 07/05/2016 17:48

The next day after the birth so more than 24 hours after for both sets of grandparents. They visited for a few days then we said we wanted a day in the hospital with no visitors as it was really disruptive to SCBU and our recovery. The day we got home we had no visitors or the day after at our request.

Honestly do not invite visitors until you are ready and be clear when you do not want any. Not everyone bounces home wanting to show off their baby. Sometimes you just need some time alone as a small family. All you need to say is "Sorry we are busy".

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sophree · 07/05/2016 18:46

Born on Monday visited on Friday. 10minute drive away. I did not want any visitors was very very firm. It's time to bond as mummy and daddy!

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YoureAllABunchOfBastards · 07/05/2016 18:49

Mam and dad - same day.
Grandparents etc - had them all round a few days after we came out of hospital - got it over in one fell swoop.
MIL lives three hours away but came up for an overnight stay during the first week. She is fab, so didn't mind.

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backonthewagon · 07/05/2016 20:28

I think 4 days/on day 5 is reasonable sophree totally agree about bonding time.

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ShelaghTurner · 07/05/2016 20:52

My parents and FIL came that evening (dd2 was born at lunchtime). Mil came the next day as she'd been away. No one else came to hospital.

With dd1 it was an unholy mess and wider family just kept turning up when they felt like it. It was horrible.

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Junosmum · 07/05/2016 21:02

PIL came to the hospital. DM came the day I got out. We allowed one set of visitors per day and only for short periods.

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scrivette · 07/05/2016 23:01

My inlaws came the day after, not long after I got home. I did kick them out into the garden (it was a nice day!) for half an hour when they arrived though whilst I fed the baby as it was hard to get him to latch on.

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backonthewagon · 08/05/2016 08:42

One set of visitors a day also a good idea!

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tinytoucan · 08/05/2016 09:13

I told everyone in the months before the birth that I didn't want visitors in hospital, that was going to be our time as a little family. My ILs live 5 mins away and my parents are a few hours away. I expected to be home after 6 hours but as it turned out we had to stay in for a night, but we still didn't see anyone until we got home. I think having the early time to ourselves really helped keep me feeling calm and relaxed so by the time we had visitors I was happy to see them rather than feeling pressured. we ended up having one day on, one day off visitor wise and it worked really well. People will be saying they're desperate to visit but you need to put your family first- and you'll need lots of rest yourself after the physical ordeal of birth (I felt great initially after having DS- it was only the next day when the first lot of pain killers had worn off that I realised just what I'd actually been through!). Give yourself time and pace things out- I definitely agree with having no more than one set of visitors per day (and signing them up for tea making duty!)

Good luck and enjoy it! The first days are lovely

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tinytoucan · 08/05/2016 09:13

Wow- that was an essay! Sorry!

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kiki22 · 08/05/2016 09:40

I asked that only our parents come for first visiting at hospital which was just as well i was only 4 hours after delivery and not in the right state for lots of people, dps dad was furious his partner was not allowed to come and they never got over it however I think I was right so not bothered. I was home before the next visiting time and people came then.

If I'm really honest I think its awful that some people band family from visits in the first few days I feel like its really self centred and would be devastating for close family to be shut out. I do respect that's what some people decide but I think its awful. When people asked to come over I said would say ok why don't you come Thursday at 3 for an hour so they knew that I was expecting a short visit and could manage the time, I also used to try for times right after a feed was due so ds would be sleeping in the basket so he didn't get passed around to much. When it came to friends and more distant family i arranged for the following week and chipped in all being well here just to make sure.

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kiki22 · 08/05/2016 09:42

Oh and everyone was treated very much like a visitor I thought that asking them to make tea and do things made them feel needed an encouraged them to hang about. There's nothing like dp clearing away tea and biscuits to make them feel like its time to go.

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BaskingTrout · 08/05/2016 11:45

i was in hospital for 6 days after DD was born, so had a lot of time for visitors. DD was born just before midnight, so at lunchtime visiting the next day my DM and stepdad (live an hours drive away) came for the full hour, DH was there all day, then in the evening PIL's came (live 5 mins away).
over the course of the rest of the time I was in hospital, my brother, my SIL and BIL (who is DH's best mate) and my best friend, who lives hundreds of miles away but happened to be near us on holiday, all came.
not sure I could have coped with so many visitors if I hadn't been in for so long though, but I had time to spread them out a bit and it was only for an hour each time.