Got questions about giving birth? Know what to expect and when to expect it, with the Mumsnet Pregnancy Calendar.
Is my homebirth wish unrealistic?(51 Posts)
Im 36 weeks and have all along thought that I would like a home birth with this pg (DD 11hour labour, slowed when we went to hospital but other than a tear quite uncomplicated.)
Have told midwife this and she's all for it but fairly unenthusiastic, is coming next week to discuss things but other than that no preparations done at all except I have some waterproof bed sheets given by a friend.
I'm just not too sure that DH is too keen. I think he'd go along with it to keep me happy but I know he worries about things like this and I don't want him stressed or panicking.
Oh the clincher is that we're going to be moving house, in the next 3 weeks.
Am I being unrealistic? We can't afford a birth pool or anything like that (which I'd love but just can't afford it) but I just want to be relaxed and at home.
We hired a pool from the local birth centre. If you can cope with the chaos and have contingency plans for baby arriving mid move then I would say go for it.
Do you think it is, on some level? I booked quite late for a homebirth. Convinced myself that it was what I wanted until I went into labour. When the midwives arrived, I stopped having contractions. I ended up making the decision to go in when labour established as I had actually felt quite uncomfortable having strangers in my home when I was feeling vulnerable.
If it's what you want and your dh will support you ahead of and during the birth, no.
If you are not convinced and neither is your dh and it will bring additional stress, yes.
If you want this then get practical. Have a good think about what you're going to need. WRITE to your health care provider and follow it with a phone call to say that you have been mentioning this at your appointments and expect that they will want to drop off a birth kit or arrange anything they might need at their end. I have a great deal of experience of the NHS and home birth and in most areas they tend to be less than enthusiastic. Some areas like to send a kit to be delivered at 37 or 38 weeks. You have to be firm and remind them but once you are clear I often find that you get a good service. You will need to be very clear and insist with your intention to home birth with them. You would be on-call for home birth from 37/38 to 42 weeks. It depends on the area. Ring them up first thing tomorrow. If this is something you want (it can be wonderful IME) then put things in place and be clear, even when they are less than enthused. You only get one chance at each birth. In terms of birth pool etc, you really don't need one it can be perfectly fine without. Just have plenty of towels ready, your music, clear birth plan and a bag of baby clothes/nightie. Best of luck!
Is there any harm in preparing for a home birth, with a view of going to hospital up to the last minute if for whatever reason you change your mind during labour? My first two were hospital births, third one was un unexpected and unplanned home birth- no complications, and definitelt my easiest birth of the three. I disn't have time to feel nervous, it was too quick, and there were no miswives and no ambulance folk there
It was amazing avoiding hospital altogether. If I was you I'd plan for both eventualities and go with the flow at the time, might piss the midwifw off but ultimately it is your choice
Sorry about typos- sausage fingers and iphone
Do you know what, I don't know. In an ideal world I'd have a lovely room kitted out with relaxing lighting and music and a pool etc! But I know that's not going to happen. Perhaps the mid move bit is the most scary, with mess everywhere but like Wolfiefan has said, I suppose if there is a contingency (which would be off to hospital as its the only other option) then I suppose does it do any harm to plan?
How much prep IS required? My friend who had a homebirth tells me I should have been preparing long ago, but midwife wasn't really forthcoming until now.
Ok x posted with you last two there.
That's helpful Maytree thank you. My midwife was perfectly happy with the idea, told me about the on call system they share with another close town (we're fairly rural) but said we would discuss it next week, that they carry everything they need in their cars and I didn't need a 'kit' or anything. By HCP do you mean my midwifery team?
Twopeas wow, that sounds a bit scary! But lush that you avoided the hospital, which is sort of what I want really. I'm sure going in last time slowed things down and stressed me out unnecessarily.
Not all areas deliver a 'homebirth pack' pre-delivery. Round here mw brought everything with her when she came out when I was in labour.
I used the bath a lot in first labour, didn't hire a pool. Second was much quicker and managed with just birth ball and some sheets down to protect carpet.
I had a home birth and the only prep I did was to have some old towels handy and a plasticy dust sheet (which we covered with the towels) Music is easy to arrange, same candles/ lighting... And you'd have to sort music for a hospital birth anyway!
No pool for me, just stayed in the bath a while. Only got out as needed to walk around.
Mw in my area are fairly supportive (especially this time, after DS was born at home) but even if they weren't it was what I wanted and I told them so. Let them do the arranging.
Mid-move may be stressful but if you prioritise which rooms to sort, it shouldn't be an added complication. You are going to need the baby stuff regardless of where you deliver!
And you can change your mind at any point, which is a major benefit of a home birth. So you technically could labour at home until (if) you felt you needed to be in a birth centre/hospital and transfer in.
X post with rhinestone ... My area no longer deliver a birth pack due to the stepping hill deaths so mw has everything with her in the day. Added bonus of not having to store everything!
A bit of prep needed, but check out the "what do I need for a home birth" threads. You could get all the kit in a trip to B&Q and another to Tesco.
But I had: a birth pool lent by the maternity hospital for free; a shower curtain for the floor; loads of old towels; a sieve (binned afterwards ) hose, bath thermometer and tap adaptor for the pool; two buckets, an old dressing gown, tea, biscuits, sports drinks and cereal bars, a Moses basket, a hand mirror, prescription-strength cocodamol, diamorphine and an anti-emetic on prescription, gas and air brought by the MW and a hospital bag packed for just in case.
I had ventouse and an episiotomy with DS after a 15 hour labour and was nervous about home birth. DH later told me he was really worried but kept it to himself.
DD was born in water quite quickly in comparison and I didn't tear or even graze.
The things that made a massive difference to me were having a fab local home birth team with supportive midwives, reading up on it loads and knowing DH was okay with it. We also only live 5 mins from the hospital.
I might have been a bit more nervous if we were moving so close to the birth, but if you have a moving date, then at least you will know where you are going to be when it happens. If you move and you're having a hospital birth, you still need to have your bag packed and have all the baby stuff ready in the new house for when you come home.
Getting into my own bed afterwards was ace, so much better than the post-natal ward. And I didn't have to wait around for most of a day for a doctor so I could get discharged.
Sorry for the essay!
Shitloads of x-posts, sorry. I type really slowly at this time of night.
Watching with interest as i could have written your post OP. We're technically due to move the day before my EDD but are trying to get the cash together to move a month early.
Dp is also not massively convinced by home birth because of all the problems i had last time (induced, cascade of intervention, not a good experience at all) however i feel like if go to hospital its going to affect my mental ability to relax and let my boy do what it wants and i can envisage a birth where all the same awful stuff happens again
Thank you all for your input, it's really given me some confidence actually. I will check out those threads, thank you openerofjars and ooh I wonder if I could hire a birth pool... Will ask mw but maybe I've left it too late. My friend bought one so I just assumed thats what I needed to do. So will ask her.
It doesn't have to be complicated then. Ooh I'm motivated to get preparing, thank you all! I might treat myself to some fairy lights
YesIveNamechsnged I hope everything goes well for you. We only just last week decided we needed to move and it's been a bit of a whirlwind really. Most people think we're completely mad. I think I'm completely sane, I get to 'manage'operations while not able to lift a finger! Well that's the plan and lots of people are helping (hopefully) I think the key is to be really prepared and organised and it should go smoothly <fingers toes and legs crossed> ideally this baby will NOT make an appearance until we are moved and at least settle a few days!
I think if you have a hospital close, it is more reassuring, mine is 10min away. I had NOTHING prepared for homebirth, just some towels hastily grabbed (less than ideal!)
Regarding the moving house/worry about mess etc, at the time I couldn't have cared less about any external factor apart from wanting noone to touch me at all, and just knowing I couldn't leave the house as DS' arrival was imminent. I didn't care about ruining the rug or upsetting the kids sleeping or the neighbours. The rush of a home birth ( even unintentional and 'unsupervised') was AMAZING, and I speak as someone who has had 2 easy burths in hospital before, but this was another thing altogether. I was literally buzzing on adrenaline for the next solid week, night and day
can you tell I'm an accidental advocate of homebirth
Also the bath might do instead of a pool? I didn't go in the bath, lots of staggering about/ giving birth on all fours seemed to speed it along. Bath useful in a longer labour though
hi batcave, like you I was in two minds about home birth, but signed up for it anyway, just in case. In the end I had baby at home but had done no special prep except getting an old shower curtain out of our paint cupboard for mess. Didn't need it in the end as baby was born and placenta delivered in the bath - contained mess very easily. I had packed a hospital bag so DH knew all my birth essentials were in there such as snacks, baby clothes, hot water bottle when needed.
Could you borrow your friends birth pool? IME hiring them is fairly expensive, too, hence why I chose not to and baby was born in a bath - great story but it was very hard to get into 'good' positions for the birth.
Water Baby Birthing Pool Hire (google it) hire pools for £80 from 37 weeks, until you give birth. Comes with all the hoses, pumps, sieve, etc
Room needs to be warm and clean, waterproof sheet is useful for your bed.
You need it post birth even if you don't as I didn't deliver on it.
Old towels are useful and we had some plastic over the bedroom carpet because I happened to have it.
Crouched over this DH holding me from the bed is where DD was actually born.
MW brought heaps of inco pads.
There only request was a bright desk light to check for tearing.
DDs HB was truly magical, go for it if it's what you want and good luck.
So I've had my midwife around yesterday to discuss things. I really do want it now, but my DH is still unconvinced because he thinks it's risky. He's not making too much fuss but I know he's not really happy about it.
A lot of my family and friends (including my mum, MIL and best friend) are telling me I'm crazy for considering it, really negative. I wish they'd keep their opinions to themselves, I've done enough research and I know the risk/benefits. Has anyone else come up against this much resistance?
I'm a stubborn cow so it won't make any difference to my decision, but I wish I had some support.
Homebirths are statistically safer iirc.
I had a homebirth with my 2nd as I was concerned about fast delivery (and just liked
The idea) it was a slower delivery than my first though, it was Christmas and we kept having to sort out what to do with DD so I found it more stressful than my hospital delivery.
I think I'm unusual in that though! And being home straight away was lovely
All you need for a homebirth is a midwife!
Just grab an old towel to stick under you bum when you give birth.
Or leave a lovely, indelible stain on your duvet like I did to remind you of the happy event for years afterwards.
Sit your MIL, DH and friend down and make them look at this.
Then ask them to be a bit more supportive.
i think it's fairly common for men to be nevous about the idea of a homebirth, it's difficult for them because although they can support you there is not much practical they can do to help. maybe if you gave him a few statistics about how much safer homebirth is that might help? and out him in charge of lights and music (although you might want to give him some sort of indication what that should be in case he wants to put on "Now That's What I Call Hardcore Thrash Metal" or something. and talk about other things he can do to help things along, it might give him something to focus on. obviously i don't know your OH but i know mine feels better knowing the stats and a bit about what to expect...
Join the discussion
Already registered? Log in with:
Please login first.