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My partner wants me to stop breastfeeding my 5 month old(54 Posts)
Because, and I quote, it's stopping him from being a dad. He's angry because our son mainly wants me for comfort and he feels like he's got his nose shoved out. I've tried telling him he can comfort him in different ways but he's insisting it isn't working for us because he can't be as hands on as he wants to be. He keeps telling me I feed him too much. But he doesn't feed as such, he feeds a lot for comfort. I feel so out of sorts and I'm questioning everything. Like I'm wrong to comfort my son in the only way I really know how to because it's stopping him from being a dad. So he's literally said 'I can't support you breastfeeding anymore'. So now I really don't know what to do.. when
Ugh I know LTB is too flippant but really, this does not bode well.
Stopping breastfeeding should be YOUR decision and yours only.
What a dickhead. “Can’t support” anymore? And what esteemed efforts was he making?
God almighty he’s stupid.
He is being ridiculous. There are lots of other ways he has interact and comfort his son. Does he not want his son to have the best start in life? I say this as someone who had to ff. My DD would only accept me and not Dad when very upset, it is normal for an upset child to only want their primary carer.
He’s jealous. An unattractive trait in a father.
You are not wrong to comfort your son! How awful for you - you are doing exactly what the guidance says e.g. breastfeeding and feeding on demand - and so many women would have loved to have gotten as far as 5 months, so you should be really proud!
I think your partner just needs to come to terms with it. I am feeding DS now 6 months and do sometimes step in whan DH is settling DS when the only thing that will calm him is feeding (like you it’s for comfort not milk) but I have food DH he’ll have to do so much more when we start night weaning
That's a very immature and bordering on nasty attitude that your partner has to a very young baby...and to you. It's controlling and shitty behaviour and he needs to catch himself on. You are doing the best thing you can do for your child. Keep doing it. Is there anyone close who could have a word with your partner and tell him to wise up!?
Stop questing yourself. It is v early days in your baby's life. There is plenty of time for your other half to be a dad, and he can start by putting his child first by supporting you, the child's mother. Take care x
You are absolutely not wrong to feed your baby. Your partner needs to grow up and stop acting like a kid who's not getting enough turns with a new toy.
Nappies. Baths. Stories. Walks. Cuddles. Massage. Swimming. Singing. Tummy time. Hair brushing. Playing with toys. Rocking to sleep. Sling wearing. Sensory classes.
All things that can be done by either parent. Tons of ways to bond and spend time with a baby.
Is he using the not being able to feed as an excuse not to do anything?
He’s being completely out of order. Is he changing, feeding, winding, bathing the baby and making the most of every opportunity to be involved? You can’t overfeed a 5 month old baby fgs.
He’s being incredibly selfish. I know so many wonderful dads with amazing bonds with their children whose partners breastfeed. They did nearly everything else and are supportive loving partners and fathers.
Sorry he’s being such a twat and trust yourself to keep feeding your baby as long as you and your son want to
My partner felt like this in the early weeks he felt like Dd only ever wanted me but eventually he learnt as you say other ways to comfort her. He’s being very unsupportive breastfeeding can be very tough on mums and he should be proud of you , not sure what to suggest but just remind him why you are doing it and don’t give up until you want to ... I presume you will be wearing baby soon maybe he can be in charge of that instead
Immature idiot, plain and simple. Pathetic behaviour that doesn't bode well for the future I'm afraid OP.
There’s a lovely bit in abook I read about breastfeeding which says something like ‘the dad’s role is to show the baby you can have love without milk’. It’s such an important thing - a huge role for a dad (if he wants it and isn’t just competing with the baby for your attention, in which case ugh and your DH needs to get a grip and stop behaving like a jealous toddler).
Tell him to grow up? I think many men really struggle in the first few months, my husband was jealous of the time I spent with our first born, the dynamics had changed and he felt left out. However that is just tough! Eventually the baby weened, he got to have her all to himself and he realised how tough being in sole charge of a baby is and got over himself!
At 5 months if you’re exclusively breastfeeding I doubt your baby will take a bottle, so you will probably find it’s not that easy to stop. In a few weeks he can start helping with weaning. They’re not tiny for long!
Show him this thread. What a tosser.
He's being selfish. This isn't about him but what's best for the baby.
He needs to get over it and concentrate on doing the rest with the baby.
Being a dad involves looking after the woman feeding your baby so she can keep feeding, and nurturing your baby in other ways (nappies, baths, reading to them, singing to them, taking them to health visitor/vaccination appointments, taking them out for walks and chatting to them about what you’re seeing, walking them to sleep, washing their clothes, tidying/cooking/cleaning etc etc). Show him the guidelines on breastfeeding and ask him to consider why his own hurt feelings are more important to him than his baby’s health and development.
Could he take the baby out for a walk in the sling every day? My husband did this before leaving for work in the early months so he could get half an hour of baby-cuddles and I’d get half an hour of peaceful sleep between half 6 and 7 which really helps you face the day.
Does he have responsibilities? Can bath time be his? He can do food prep and weaning in a few weeks.
Hmmm...my ex was like this. He used to try to force a bottle on DD! It got worse. He used to grab her off me and when she cried and reached out for me as a toddler, he'd go mad. He damaged our relationship hugely because I was treading on eggshells the whole time. He still now, years down the line, is jealous of our closeness and thinks nothing of trying to sabotage it. V glad he's the ex! Hope it improves for you
You need RL backup. He’s being an asshole and won’t listen to you. Health visitor?
But ugh; how horrible. As if being a new mother and bfing is not effortful enough without a “partner” dragging you down with this nastiness
My son is FF has been since he was 6 weeks old. He still wants me for comfort. It’s got nothing to do with feeding and is all down to the fact that you’re his mum!
I've just asked DH whether he felt he wasn't able to be a proper Dad to our two ( both breastfed for ages....) as babies - he's given me the "what are you going on about,woman! " look.
He say he had babies lie on him,rocked them,took them for walks,changed nappies.....of course he was able to be a Dad.And he and the DC have good strong relationships now they are grown up.
Can you see the HV together or anyone that can put him in his place?
I wouldn't comfort feed though at 5 months . If You were bottle feeding you'd try other comfort before giving food, your baby possibly isn't hungry.
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