My partner wants me to stop breastfeeding my 5 month old

[jadericho]

Because, and I quote, it's stopping him from being a dad. He's angry because our son mainly wants me for comfort and he feels like he's got his nose shoved out. I've tried telling him he can comfort him in different ways but he's insisting it isn't working for us because he can't be as hands on as he wants to be. He keeps telling me I feed him too much. But he doesn't feed as such, he feeds a lot for comfort. I feel so out of sorts and I'm questioning everything. Like I'm wrong to comfort my son in the only way I really know how to because it's stopping him from being a dad. So he's literally said 'I can't support you breastfeeding anymore'. So now I really don't know what to do.. when

[rainbowtrain]

@Fucksgiven but breastmilk has pain killing properties (english second language!) so I do understand the comfort feed. Also for other reasons, many babies use a pacifier. Sucking in comforting

[rainbowtrain]

Is not in

[LatteLover12]

Tell him to fuck off. How unattractive can he get? Jealous of his own baby. Yuck.

Keep feeding and comforting your child, that’s what being a parent is all about.

for you

[GhoulTheFckToSpook]

1. they say that but in reality you’ll find it’s you holding the vsbg’s Bottle to it’s mouth every fucking time
   
   
2. also, explain to him that if you stop feeding DS you will both lose the quickest way to stop him crying.
   
   Can you compromise (not that you should have to) and let him give a bottle now and again? He will get over the novelty fairly quickly.

[GhoulTheFckToSpook]

Uh, baby’s (obviously)

[ChilliHobnobs]

He has no right to try and stop you. He can share books, change nappies, sing, all manner of interactions.

[Verbena87]

@fucksgiven you can’t overfeed a breastfed baby; the milk changes over the course of the feed and is not like formula.

[Sleeplikeasloth]

Honestly, as a parent, if I wasn't able to feed my child, I'd feel pretty shit about it, so to that extent I can understand where he's coming from. If baby will accept a bottle, then maybe having a bottle or two a day would be a compromise that makes him feel more included.

But that's only if he's making a real effort to bond as much as he can already through walks, baths, trying to comfort etc.

I mostly ff, and my husband has done about half the feeds from day one of my child's life. They have an obviously closer bond than many of my friends and their fathers, and tbh, there is more of a visible difference with my friends that breastfed. But it's not just down to feeding, it's effort and time. I think it's possible to get a good relationship between baby and dad with breast, it just takes quite a lot of effort. Perhaps it's controversial to say though, that I don't think there is usually an equal bond, but it's simplistic to say that's just due to boobs, when many ff babies fathers don't do nights, bedtimes etc.

[Standinguptononsense]

My EX Husband used to be like this... He got worse. It's the lack of control and the fact the world no longer revolves around them anymore.

He needs to grow up.

[Sarahani]

Pretty selfish of him to insist n stopping something your baby finds comforting to make himself feel better!

Not working for who exactly?!

[BowiesJumper]

Ha! Please do ignore him, for the sake of both you and your son. I fed until my son was 2 and a half and it comforted him until he self weaned. He has a lovely relationship with my husband (his dad). Don’t let your husband’s insecurities ruin it for you both.

[olivesarelife]

Oh god tell him in a months time he can start the food process. Make sure he does all the weaning, baths walks nappy changing. he'll change his tune

[3ChangingForNow]

I think your partner has good sentiments. He wants to be an active and involved father. He has come up with a solution and proposed it. Tell him you are not willing to go with that solution but come up with other solutions. He's trying to tell you he wants to be more involved. Why on earth that makes him a dickhead as pp have said is beyond me.

[Singlenotsingle]

Bottle feeding is boring for the person doing the feeding. The baby's head rests on your left forearm and you hold the bottle with the right hand. You can't get up, you can't drink you tea or change the TV program or go to the loo. Give the dad a bottle (either breast milk or formula) and baby and let him get on with it. It'll soon lose any novelty.

[PlinkPlink]

Posts like this make me so fucking angry!

You carry on!! You don't need his fucking support. As PP have said, not quite fucking sure what he thought he was doing by supporting you? In that you have to do it all by your fucking self anyway...

You are doing a fucking wonderful thing for your child. Breast milk is fucking amazing. And even if he doesn't support your breastfeeding, the WHO fucking does and a whole bunch of people on here fucking do.

Your OH needs a serious fucking head wobble. Your son will bond with him in other ways. Pisses me off so much when I hear about partners NOT encouraging mums to do what their instincts tell them which in this case, is to comfort and feed your child.

Did you know breast milk has natural analgesics in it? So if he's teething, he essentially gets pain relief from your milk.

I'm sure my OH felt shut out to an extent. The only person who could comfort my DS in the beginning was me. But you should see him now... He runs in to OH in the morning and says 'Dada' wig pure delight. He's even woken up a few occasions, seen me and the first thing he's said is 'Dada'. His first word was Grandad and his second was Dada. He adores his father and they have such a wonderful bond, even with me being the milk machine 😂

Now that I've calmed down a bit 😂I think this comes down to jealousy OP. Your OH is jealous of your fucking wonderful ability to comfort and nurse your son. I suggest you carry on and allow him to reach the conclusion that he's being a dick. You are providing the best start for your son and you are following your instincts. Trying to stop it before either of you are ready will cause undue stress and anxiety. To both of you.

Do NOT let him pressure you. Selfish fucking prick! Sorry you're having to go through something like this OP.

[olivesarelife]

3changingfornow
Dickhead because his 'solution' to bond more with his baby is to make his partner stop breastfeeding. Ridiculous. And to say he dosent support her in that decision anymore?! I ebf. My partner did other things to bond with our baby at that age. He should work and put efforts behind those things which pp have mentioned (then think that the only way he can bond is by feeding the baby)

[SD1978]

I had the same. And no longer DH. Also believed I 'deliberately' put the baby to bed and immediately to sleep at 19.00 so he missed out when he got in a 20.00 twice a week and was keeping her from him.........fecking wish I had that kind of power over a baby. Again. Hence now EXH..........

[fairypuff]

I'm a bit concerned at the comment that breatsfeeding is the "only way" you know how to comfort your child. No wonder you dh feels left out. There's a balance to be found and I think that a pp hit the nail on the head mentioning all the activities your dh could be doing with your chid. Does he get the opportunity to do these things?

[aidelmaidel]

Parenting isn't a sprint, it's a marathon. That said, does expressing milk work for you? I find it quite marvellous to hand over to Daddy with some pumped milk and go out for some me time.

[YourMilkshakeIsBetterThanMine]

Oh ffs! How selfish! Your child will be on solids in a month, he can do that! He can do bath time, walks, cuddles, stories and nappies. He needs to think about the big picture and grow up. You can share parenting without having exactly the same role. Division of labour and all.

I've bf all 3 of mine. 2 years each for the older 2 and still bf the youngest. DH has never given a bottle to any of them and he has a fantastic bond with them regardless. He was very happy with me bf as it got him out of 100% of night feeds. The first year with DC1 was hard as she only wanted me for everything but DC2 and 3 have been more chilled out. He's their first choice for a lot of things.

[jadericho]

Thank you everyone for you supportive words and encouragement. Just thought I'd add/update a few bits. I know he has good intentions at heart in that he wants to be more involved and hands on and we've agreed to introduce a bottle to him of expressed milk that we've been doing for the last week or so. It's going hit and miss but he's getting better and I keep having to remind him to be patient; we will get there. BUT, we've since calmed down and talked about it this morning and he's still adamant he doesn't support me breastfeeding him because he still thinks it's affecting his bond with him. I've pointed out all the other ways in which he can and does bond with him like nappy changes, bath time, walks and he's keen to do the weaning thing too. So I don't know what to do. He feels like I'm shutting him out and I'm doing my best to include him and encourage him to bond with our son. A few of you have pointed out that a lot of it boils down to jealousy and you're absolutely right, he's admitted it himself. I just don't know what else I can do?

[SittingAround1]

There is nothing else you can do. Just carry on breastfeeding, this is about your son getting what's best for him not your DH.

Your DH needs to realise that you have a quick and easy way to calm your baby, which a lot parents would love to have. It's much better than having a baby screaming it's head off for hours and hours.

This period is over so quickly and you might really regret it if you let your DH dictate how you mother your baby.

Your DH could let the baby sleep in his arms once you've finished feeding, so you can be freed up.

Do you have a sling? Perhaps your DH could carry the baby around in one as well.

[Verbena87]

The jealousy is his emotional response. Adults have a responsibility to manage their own emotional responses in way that doesn’t negatively impact the people around them. That’s what he needs to do here.

[PourSomeSugarOnMoi]

Wanker.

[wonderstuff]

I would ask him why he wants to deny his son a food that is nutritionally perfect, deny you a process that will lower your risk of breast and ovarian cancer and lowers the risk of SIDS, allergies and childhood leukaemia for your son as well as having anti-bodies protecting him from all manner of infections. It really is a no-brainer. He needs to get over himself.