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In tears over this, help please

(42 Posts)
AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Nov-14 11:07:26

We have a 4 month old DD (our 2nd child). Up to now she has been totally breastfed, only on 2 occasions I have managed to express DH had given bottle.
Several family meets have been pushing for me to start giving formula (mainly DH as I think he feels left out and PIL also mention it a lot as breastfeeding not the norm with MIL and SIL).
So today we tried a bottle of formula, DH tried giving it and eventually I tried but DD just got increasingly distressed and after 20 mins I was crying too so gave her the breast and she's now calmly feeding happily.
But I feel like I've failed in this and DH being very huffy and walked away when I tried to talk to him.
Any tips for when I can get the courage to try again please? Should I try expressed breast milk again first maybe then formula later?

Phalarope Sun 09-Nov-14 11:16:31

Do YOU want to try again? You don't have to. If your DH is feeling left out, there are plenty of other ways he can bond with the baby. If breastfeeding is working for you and your baby, there is no reason that she has to learn to take a bottle.

AlwaysDancing1234 Sun 09-Nov-14 11:30:07

Thanks Phalarope. I feel like I have to try again with formula rather than wanting to try again if you see what I mean sad

Camsie30 Sun 09-Nov-14 11:42:03

It sounds like you are being forced to do something that you are not happy or comfortable with. I would tell everyone else to mind their own f***ing business personally. If you want to feed your child, then that is your choice and no one elses, especially if its what your child wants too.

Phalarope Sun 09-Nov-14 12:12:31

I agree with Camsie. Easier said than done, but frankly tell them to eff off and leave you to it. Why are they so desperate for her to have a bottle?

ZingOfSeven Sun 09-Nov-14 12:26:15

I honestly don't understand why it's anybody else's business.

Assuming you and baby are both healthy, she is thriving, you have time to bf etc.

I wouldn't bat an ear to what my PILs say. totally irrelevant.

your DH - I don't quite understand his reasons.

bf a baby can only be done for a relatively short amount of time compared to all other things you do with your children. it is a precious time and I wouldn't interfere unless there's a good reason to do so.

forget bottles for now and don't let anybody, not even your DH bully you into doing what you don't want and clearly not ready for right now

PossumPoo Sun 09-Nov-14 12:30:34

OP I know it's tough. My PIL wanted me to ff as DD was loosing weight. I ignored them and did what I wanted and what I thought was best for DD.

Regarding your DH, can you give a duty that's his only? DH bathed DD until she was well over 6 months old. I didn't feel comfortable when she was tiny tiny and it was something that he did, that I didn't iyswim?

ZingOfSeven Sun 09-Nov-14 12:32:06

bottle feeding baby would give you more freedom and gives them more access to baby, for longer.
not a bad thing, but only useful if YOU feel the need for these changes!

please please tell them to back off and let you and baby get on with it. some babies never have bottles/formula and it's not essential that they do.

TerrariaMum Sun 09-Nov-14 12:36:18

If you don't want to stop bfing, tell them to jog on. Also, you know they could respect your DD's choice as well. She may be little, but she has made her preference quite clear. She likes bfing best.

Second Possum's idea too. My DH does all nappy changes when he is home.

3littlefrogs Sun 09-Nov-14 12:38:56

Your DH and family are being horrible.
You are doing the best thing for your baby by breast feeding.
Why are they telling you to formula feed when you don't want to.
They sound ignorant.
How you feed your baby is none of their business.

3littlefrogs Sun 09-Nov-14 12:42:46

None of mine would take a bottle. Ever.
I breast fed them all for about 16 months.
They all went straight onto a cup by about 8 months (for water with meals).
Your DH sounds like a big child.

dorasee Sun 09-Nov-14 12:44:43

If you're milk quantity is reducing and you need to supplement try NUK bottles. The teet is very comfortable and fits baby's palate nicely. They are German and great quality. I use the glass bottles but there are plastic ones of course. Nuk can be found on Amazon.
This is your decision alone. My milk reduced and my baby wasn't getting enough. At 5 months I still breast feed and supplement with formula. I have 3 kids so I am beyond feeling 'guilty'. I would LOVE to breastfeed exclusively but I just can't. Do what is truly right for you. If you have good milk supply, express for sure. A bottle a day for hubby, just one feed, will help him to feel involved.

dorasee Sun 09-Nov-14 12:45:19

* your

Qresident Sun 09-Nov-14 12:46:38

Carry on doing what you want to do and if that is breast feeding then do it. As PP said it is such a short time in the grand scheme of your child's life, you should not feel pressurised into cutting it short for others. My kids went from breast to beaker at 6months. They have a fantastic relationship with father and grandparents. Hope you can find a diplomatic, but firm and non negotiable way to tell them to butt out. If you want to let someone try a bottle see if you can give expressed milk, but only if you want. Hugs x

Smileysar1 Sun 09-Nov-14 12:46:44

If both you and baby are getting upset over this it clearly isn't worth the stress and upset. If your dd is thriving what you're doing is working well and you should be proud of that. There's lots of time for bottles in the future noes clearly not the right time. Don't get upset about it!!!

Scotmum83 Sun 09-Nov-14 13:11:32

My lg is 4 months and refuses a bottle too. She's ebf and we've tried a few times and she gets really upset so I've decided not to bother as it won't be long til she starts weaning and using a cup. Don't be bullied into it if you don't want to do it!

divingoffthebalcony Sun 09-Nov-14 13:13:52

Clearly, both you and your baby want to BF instead of FF. Your husband and his parents need to back off. They can enjoy the baby in other ways.

Superworm Sun 09-Nov-14 13:21:22

I came under pressure to FF so other people could 'have a go'. I just ignored them with a 'we're happy as we are thanks' and close the conversation down.

With your DH I would talk to him about why he feels it's important. Huffing off and being annoyed with you both is childish and not on.

There are plenty of ways he can be involved if that's what he is hoping to achieve. In a few weeks, solids will start and there will be lots if opportunities for being involved with feeding.

AuntySib Sun 09-Nov-14 13:30:44

Am really sorry to hear that you have been reduced to tears over this.

Short answer - your baby ,your choice, every one else should butt out.

It's awful that you are coming under so much pressure, especially from DH.
I suspect they do not understand or appreciate the benefits and mechanics of breast feeding.

Once you start giving formula, it will affect your supply, although some people do manage to continue with mixed feeding for some time.

When you feel ready, ( not when its convenient for MIL) you could drop one feed a day and replace it with a bottle.

However, you might want to think twice about giving the baby formula - it's cows milk, and some babies are allergic to it or at least don't tolerate it well. If there is a history of allergies, eg asthma or eczema is the family it is probably best avoided until the baby is at least a year. You could use soya milk, which is easily available, instead.

But best to express if you can. I found the easiest way to do this - ie no effort at all required on my part - was to use what i described as a drip tray. You get them from Mothercare/Boots, they are plastic shells with a hole for nipple to go in, put it inside your bra while feeding on the other side. The slight pressure causes you to leak - milk is collected, and can be frozen. The more you do it, the more you produce. Magic. Easy for you, easy for baby, as the taste is the same as always.

If you want to give a bottle, get someone else to do it until baby accepts it happily. And stay out of sight and sound of baby! Nothing worse than hearing your baby cry for what you could give easily. Let DH take the strain while you go out.

Good luck x

JackieOLantern Sun 09-Nov-14 13:42:02

What the hell business is it of your ILs how you feed your DD? You have established bf now and it sounds like it's going well so why would you need formula?

If your DH feels left out then let him take over nappy duty or make sure you express a bottle every day so he can do 1 feed. If ILs get on your case, just tell them that you're happy with how DD is fed and don't see the need for formula.

3littlefrogs Sun 09-Nov-14 13:59:35

OP - your baby is a child, a small person to whom you are giving the best start in life.
She is not a toy or plaything for your husband's family.

They could get a pet or a tamagochi if they want something to play with.

Viviennemary Sun 09-Nov-14 14:04:11

Nobody should be talked into bottle feeding by family or friends. It's nothing to do with them unless of course you ask for their advice. But unless you have significant problems with the actual feeding then tell the lot of them to take a hike.

Bakeoffcakes Sun 09-Nov-14 14:05:16

sad she's still tiny, only 4 months old, she likes breast feeding, you like breast feeding, I don't understand why your DH would pressurise you into FF.

DH can do lots kfmotherthings ot be involved with his dd. as far as MIl and SIL are concerned, I wouldn't listen ot their opinion, it's got nothing to do with them.

Bakeoffcakes Sun 09-Nov-14 14:05:55

other things

Felyne Sun 09-Nov-14 14:15:49

It's weird how some people get all huffy 'not being allowed' to feed a baby. In just two months (or maybe sooner, it's up to you) she'll be starting solids and I'm sure you'd welcome their help with feeding her then! especially when it comes to cleaning up

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