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I've really had enough

(27 Posts)
TheFantasticFixit Wed 05-Nov-14 05:24:15

I'm so fucking fed up of breastfeeding. Its 5am, Dd2 has been awake since 4.15 feeding again for the 5th time tonight. She's constantly in bed with me because she wants to feed all bloody night. She's 8 months, she eats bloody loads in the day but still wants to feed constantly throughout the night. I'm so bloody tired, this is happening every night, i'm totally touched out, she's biting throygh feeds as her teeth come through, she pinches, scratches at my chest and it is driving me fucking crazy. She will take formula but then immediately wants feeding from me straight after. I'm knackered and fed up and i fucking want my body back.

RandomMess Wed 05-Nov-14 05:26:36

If you want to stop, stop.

Or is it the broken nights that need to stop? Do you have a dp? Could you commit to a week of breaking the feeding during the night?

TheFantasticFixit Wed 05-Nov-14 05:31:08

But how?!

She won't be settled by anything other than me feeding her. Formula doesn't settle her. My husband works early (he's up at 4am) so invariably i have to do this by myself all night. It's not as simple as just stopping because she screams blue murder for me. I can't leave her to cry, even if i wanted to (which i absolutely don't) because my toddler will be woken by her.

I'm so done with it, but i can't see how to get her off me. Every night is like this, she feeds constantly through the night, it's not just one feed.

hmm

TanteRose Wed 05-Nov-14 05:31:53

agree - you sounds exhausted and angry sad

its not worth it if its making you feel so awful.

BUT it may well be the lack of sleep - remember if you stop bf'ing, its no guarantee that she will not want a bottle in the night, which would be more faff.

as Random said, if you can get your DP on board to try and get a bit more sleep, it might make you feel better able to cope with the breastfeeding during the day.

also - nip the biting, scratching etc. in the bud NOW. It can be done - be firm and take her off the breast EVERY time she bites. Hold her hands so she doesn't scratch - or get a breastfeeding necklace or something she can hold onto.

IF you can get over this tough patch, you could still carry on for a while longer (I fed mine until 17 months (DD) and 3 years (DS))

but it really is up to you smile

and brew

Chocolateorangegirl Wed 05-Nov-14 05:32:32

Couldn't read and run. I have a DD 8 months old and feel your pain. I've just put her down after a feed know. I could have written your post maybe 2 weeks ago but then she suddenly started to go longer stretches. While breastfeeding is certainly convenient I'm not sure how much bonding I'm doing while cursing her for biting/scratching/pinching & general sleep deprivation. No miracle advice but one night at a time. I also find vast quantities of cake help.

TanteRose Wed 05-Nov-14 05:33:32

oh dear, x-post..

hmm that is tough

more brew?

RandomMess Wed 05-Nov-14 05:35:48

Get DH to take a week off work to do it.

The issue is clearly that breastfeeding is her sleep association. Do you always bf her before a nap and before going to bed? If so I'd start with stopping that. It will be a process that takes time, 8 months ish of having a sleep assocation isn't going to change quickly or easily.

TheFantasticFixit Wed 05-Nov-14 05:38:32

He hasn't any leave left until Christmas. We moved house, had DD2, and he used up all his leave earlier in the year. There's no option for him to take a week off.

I feel so low. I'm begrudging her every feed and then crying either through it or after from guilt.

RandomMess Wed 05-Nov-14 05:45:50

sad

Parents or in-laws coming to help an option?

It sounds like you need to have a decent catch up on sleep one Friday evening when your dh can help (or whenever his weekend is) and then have 2 days of him supporting you whilst you work on changing her sleep association during the day.

Gen35 Wed 05-Nov-14 05:54:16

The put down immediately on biting worked for me. You sound exhausted - you need to get some sleep and then come up with a plan for dropping night feeds/stopping bf, both can be done but you need help to tackle the exhaustion first. What are your options for getting some help? Ds first slept through when she started nursery as it was so stimulating, is upping daytime activity an option?

TheFantasticFixit Wed 05-Nov-14 06:00:44

Its so shit. He works 6 days a week. Theres no 'weekend', its just one day a week off. Every night is my responsibility. I'm so knackered, i can't see the wood for the trees. I had PND with DD1. I feel like i've been sold a sack of shit here. All the convenience, bonding bollocks that the HV tells you, they don't tell you about this side of breastfeeding.

I just want her to go to sleep and the more tense i am the worse she is

TheFantasticFixit Wed 05-Nov-14 06:02:54

My toddler will be up in a hour hmm

JollyCrumbs Wed 05-Nov-14 06:11:15

The problem is not BF. The problem is that baby is waking in the night and wanting some comfort. Stopping BFing may not help. She might still wake and want a cuddle.

Have a look at kellymom.com for tips on night weaning. In my experience it can't be done without a certain amount of crying. But stopping BF entirely would also involve plenty of tears.

Sephy Wed 05-Nov-14 06:12:51

My DD was a little older than yours but I night weaned successfully in a couple of days by sitting with her and offering a cup of formula every time she woke. The first couple of nights there was lots of crying but I was always with her and offering an alternative in case it was genuine hunger, and I did end up sleeping on the floor next to her cot with my arm through the bars for a bit, but after those two nights she much more rarely wakes in the night. My friend did this with her baby at 10months with success I think.

MrsMaker83 Wed 05-Nov-14 06:42:33

My friend felt just like you and made her 8mo baby go cold turkey out of sheer desperation.

She set a date to do it, and got up that morning and that was it, no more breastfeeding. She spent the first couple of days with a relative who stepped in when her baby was upset. It was a distraction for her baby having somebody else around to take their mind off wanting mummy and helped her sanity having somebody for company!

Every time baby wanted a feed formula was offered, if it was comfort she wanted she would cuddle or distract by playing games or with toys.

Baby was eating 3 solid meals a day so absolutely not hungry most of the time.

At night she offered only water, short cuddle, straight back in the cot. Night time feeds for her baby were clearly just about comfort as they gave up and slept through after a few weeks.

It was hard, and wasn't without crying and tantrums but she got there within a couple of weeks. Replaced all bf with the recommended amount of formula milk and plenty of solids.

There comes a point when it absolutely has to stop when you can barely function, you need sleep, you need to enjoy these times not resent them, and also your other child needs their mummy too. I feel for you, you sound so fed up. Do what is best for you and your family.

MoreSnowPlease Wed 05-Nov-14 10:04:07

I'm in the same position but "baby" is 2.4. I decided last night I just can't tske it anymore. In fact I decided at many points over the course of bf him but never quite managed to stop.....I wish I had because the anger I felt every time he fed was not good for either of us. He is completely hooked on it for sleep and still feeds constantly in the night up until I stopped that a few months ago when ds2 was born. He now has bedtime and morning feeds but I'm cutting that to just bedtime today. There's just nothing nice about it for us.

Here's how I stopped. Basically when he wanted feeding I would cuddle him through the crying and talk to him really calmly using familiar calming words and just repeat until he stopped and fell asleep. It took 4 hours on one wake up the first night and cut to something like half an hour the third night. It did then increase again but only to about an hour, never so long as 4 hours again. However, he does still wake in the night and ask for a feed but can go back ti sleep by himself if I'm firm. He sleeps in my bed though so gets cuddles when he wants. The toddler is going to be woken if you do this but it won't be for long hopefully. Can the toddler go off to sleep again by themself?

curlyLJ Wed 05-Nov-14 11:03:32

No advice, but just hand-holding and much sympathy. My DD2 is 6.5m and is also waking 2.5/3 hourly every night for bf and I have had enough too. She goes to bed around 7 and is awake at 10, 1 & 4 at the very least. She is hard to settle after the 10pm feed too and as she's in her own room I am finding this one particularly hard as I can't even get any sleep until she is settled. Bringing her in with us has varying levels of success. This morning she didn't go back to sleep after the 4.30 feed until 7 when I had to get up as my 4.5yo has to go to school sad I don't even think she is taking that much milk, it's the comfort she's after (plus habit I guess)

She's so bloody distracted in the day that feeds last approx 5 mins, so I am guessing that's what the issue is. I have started to supplement with formula with a plan to switch to bf only first thing and before bed (and hopefully drop at least 2 of the night feeds!) but I have no idea if this is going to help or not. Like you I have had enough and am not enjoying bf so much any more. Let us know if you find a solution...

TheFantasticFixit Wed 05-Nov-14 11:40:37

Thank you everyone, thank you so much.

Last night i really felt as though i hit a wall with it all. It's been now weeks of this ultra comfort feeding, through the night and i'm so exhausted by it. DD2 just adores cuddling and comfort suckling, she rarely feeds enough for let down to come, so I'm sure it's only comfort. I find that the hardest thing to stop because i feel so guilty that i'm taking away one of her favourite things when she's so little.

I'm definitely going to mix feed, and i realised this morning that I think her bedroom is unfamiliar territory for her so when she wakes up in the night, she isn't comforted by being in her bed, her room. So although i'm usually a no routine sort of person i think she will have to start a routine of regular naps in her bedroom. I think part of the reason she loves our bed is because its cosy and comforting to her - especially my arms, and especially my nipple.

Has anyone tried to introduce a pacifier this late? DD1 had one but we gave it to her when she was just a few weeks old. I have comfort blankets ready for her so will start introducing those too. Does anyone have any other ideas on the comfort front? Obviously me, but just to a lesser degree because my back cannot take the twisted sleep that i'm getting, or not getting, at the moment.

My eyes are stinging this morning. Dd1 was mix fed from the off due to a traumatic labour, and i had PND so went onto formula fully at 4 months. I so wanted to breastfeed this tine round but i'm starting to feel those dark thoughts creeping in and I can't go through that all again - neither can my babies, or DH.

Thank you so much for your kind words. It meant a lot last night, and this morning. thanks

RandomMess Wed 05-Nov-14 12:16:46

1 of mine was given a dummy around that age to stop her sucking her fingers and it was fine.

Sounds like a great plan to get her used to her room. Good luck.

TheFantasticFixit Wed 05-Nov-14 13:40:07

Thank you Random, and thanks for being there in the early hours. You really helped thanks

Gen35 Wed 05-Nov-14 14:15:37

You did very well to ebf for 8 months, you should be proud of that, I would be! That's a very long time to ebf for. hooe things turn a corner and you get some rest

RandomMess Wed 05-Nov-14 18:17:33

Np, I was dashing out earlier so couldn't write more! It's all about changing her sleep props etc. but being rested and determined enough to see it through in the middle of the night when you are desperate for sleep. Any hellp you can get is worth it!

I wondered about you sleeping in her room for a while too?

TheFantasticFixit Wed 05-Nov-14 22:14:58

Thanks Gen, to be honest i didn't expect to do it even this long.

Tonight, she's taken a bottle of formula, and had a small breastfeed and has gone to bed - her bed! We've tried three different dummies to very little success so far, but will keep trying.

Random i think you are right, it's just reinforcing new bedtime /sleep routine.

Keep your fingers crossed for me smile

RandomMess Thu 06-Nov-14 06:46:13

Hope it went well. Just keep offering the dummies and a few "cuddly" options she may or may not take to something.

Well done on the ebf front, I think you've done amazingly well - I couldn't stand sharing a room with my babies, the noises kept me awake blush I did pick up put down method with mine but they were much younger (my 4th loved being cuddled to sleep - like I was going to have for that!) so it worked very quickly but I found it great because you were never leaving your baby to get distressed I think it also helped that the mindset is very much is that you are gently teaching them it's okay to lay in their cot alone to go to sleep, they haven't been abandoned if they need you, you appear. So in a way it gives them security that their cot is a safe place to be IMHO.

I hope that makes sense and last night was ok, it's short (ish) term pain for long term sanity. You'll also be amazed at how much racket the older ones sleep through, one of mine slept loads better when she started room sharing with the others confused

ilovetosleep Thu 06-Nov-14 13:50:56

I am going through exactly the same thing with my 7 mo, have been feeding every 1-2 hours at night for about 3 months now. Its hell. MyDS eats so much at night that he has no appetite during the day and only feeds max 4 times in daylight hours. I offer but he will. not. drink.

He is also biting in the night and I know its teething and I know he needs me but I am becoming ill with exhaustion and DS1 is suffering with my inability to pay him proper attention.

I don't want to stop bfing - I fed DS1 til he was 2 yo and I believe feeding to sleep is the most natural thing in the world - but only sleeping 45 min stretches is becoming utterly unbearable.

DH offers to help but when it comes down to it, he'll rock him back to sleep over maybe 30 mins, but he'll wake up as soon as he is put down and DH just says ' I tried... just feed him now...' and we don't really know where to go from here.

I do belive my DS is hungry as he hardly feeds during the day and solids aren't going too well - also I suspect he is having digestion issues - but if you do find a way to space out those night feeds I would love to know!

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